I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media • Hacker News Board

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#71

Post by aantix » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:13 PM UTC

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

Maybe concede that the need for validation never quite goes away?

You can remove all externalities but then it becomes an internal barometer. “Did I do enough? Was what I said funny/insightful/smart? Do they like me?”

The voice is always there. It just doesn’t have a number assigned to it.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#72

Post by throwaway274903 » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:15 PM UTC

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

> What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy?

The alternative view is that you are perfectly normal and that craving validation from strangers is what built human society.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#73

Post by manigandham » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:15 PM UTC

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

There's a big difference between superficial mostly-visual social status sharing and having discussions on a tightly moderated text-only forum which de-emphasizes personal identity and has no notifications.

FB tends to be a net negative while HN is the opposite (at least for me) because of the content and engagement.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#74

Post by foxhop » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:15 PM UTC

vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

People have forgotten how to gossip, which is historically how you learned about babies, and other life events.

When people do gossip now a days, it's about politics, or celebrities.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#75

Post by joeyrideout » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:16 PM UTC

totaldude87 wrote: post #46

The social media problem is multi fold.. Facebook - While i need to check my friends's life events and keep a tab on what they are up to, i dont want to see the constant tirade of posts regarding their political views.. How ya'll are handling friends with crazy political extremist thoughts, completely ignore those areas ? try to make them sane? Twitter is even worse, so stopped posting all together and limited my tim…

Re: Handling "crazy political extremist thoughts" on Facebook, I tend to either engage in a calm and reasonable reply that resembles the Socratic Method, or simply unfollow the person. It depends on how well I know them and how reasonable they tend to be. My best/closest friends are all reasonable people which is why I chose them as friends, so no contradiction there.

Twitter is worse, yes.

Reddit is OK if you avoid political subreddits and keep it light. I've curated my subs to be just that and it's delightful.

I believe that we shouldn't "need" social media (as other comments here pointed out, an external locus of control or validation is unhealthy), but rather we should use social media. Have a purpose whenever you open the app, even if it's just passing the time (Reddit).

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#76

Post by nradov » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:17 PM UTC

totaldude87 wrote: post #46

The social media problem is multi fold.. Facebook - While i need to check my friends's life events and keep a tab on what they are up to, i dont want to see the constant tirade of posts regarding their political views.. How ya'll are handling friends with crazy political extremist thoughts, completely ignore those areas ? try to make them sane? Twitter is even worse, so stopped posting all together and limited my tim…

I unfollow any Facebook friends who post political rants, but remain friends with them. Then I occasionally do a quick scan through their profiles to catch up on any major life events I missed.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#77

Post by maze-le » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:17 PM UTC

dfsegoat wrote: post #9

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

Just try the noprocrast options in your profile. I have it set so I can basically browse for a bit in the AM, maybe do a comment and then I am locked out until the evening. It's a useful feature for those of us working on discipline + distractibility issues.

I tried it several times, but I am usually a slow typist and English is not my native language, so I sometimes think twice about how to formulate a sentence. Sometimes when I wrote a posting, I ended up hitting the timeout, just when I was about to post. This is the only reason I turned 'noprocrast' off again, otherwise it is a super useful feature!

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#78

Post by foxhop » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:17 PM UTC

inscionent wrote: post #55

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

I post not for points. I post because I have something to say. Expressing my self is validating, who cares if others read or agree.

I post for the same reason, but getting negative points does discourage me from posting half formed thoughts.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#79

Post by asdf21 » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:20 PM UTC

meerita wrote: post #30

I gave up FB and Instagram posts because my political view (conservative) and got 2 banned and harassed by relatives and strangers. Life is way better without FB/Insta

Hate to break it to you, but I have multiple friends who have been banned from here for the same thing.

Be very careful criticizing socialism, for instance, or the mods (one in particular) will accuse you of starting "flame wars".

Of course any debate that isn't related to their personal politics or against their worldview is fine.

Case in point: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20830862

Note that criticizing capitalism endlessly is just fine. Defending it? Not so much.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#80

Post by teekert » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 4:20 PM UTC

vonseel wrote: post #22

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

If you only know stuff about your brothers kids because of facebook (and he lives withing reasonable distance, granted!), you are already a hermit.

I agree about the invite part, some communities are really build on top of fb. Here in the Netherlands I started missing things when I was off of Whatsapp (lived without a smartphone for 1.5 months).