Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 114 posts

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#71

Post by threeboy »

jm4 wrote: post #8

Read "What to Expect When You're Expecting", looked around at the baby store, maybe did a little research if I saw something interesting, talked to other new parents, talked to the OB, selected a pediatrician prior to the due date, went to a class recommended by the OB where they teach you how to swaddle and do some other basic tasks. It's pretty easy. You get ready really quickly because you don't have a choice. Don…

!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!

What to Expect When You're Expecting: a baby.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#72

Post by ozzmotik »

i honestly didn't. it just sorta ended up happening and then i did my best to take care of my son and make sure his needs were met. best two years of my life until my ex left me and took him away. but ultimately my advice is that while you can definitely learn from others, read books, and such, a lot of parenting is instinctual and about having an empathic connection with your own flesh and blood (or adopted child if that's the route you choose to take as my mother did with me). we have deeply encoded responses to children within our genetics and i think that it's really important to trust those rather than ignore them specifically for data that was acquired externally from a third party source. every situation is going to be different, and it's important to remain fluid and flexible

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#73

Post by lghh »

kraftman wrote: post #65
lghh wrote: post #38

I had my first child several days ago. I am half asleep typing this. This isn't preparation as much as it is a warning. Here's what I think I have learned so far and what I didn't know: 1. The lactation specialists at the hospital can be rude, aggressive, and pushy. Or at least come off that way when you're pissed and desperate to get your child some food. We have ran into many issues breastfeeding and the lactation…

I think the jury is still out on swaddling: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/to-swaddle-or...

My baby seems to like it, most people do it, and if it's helping my wife and I while not EXPLICITLY hurting my child I will keep doing it.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#74

Post by lghh »

rpedela wrote: post #50
lghh wrote: post #38

I had my first child several days ago. I am half asleep typing this. This isn't preparation as much as it is a warning. Here's what I think I have learned so far and what I didn't know: 1. The lactation specialists at the hospital can be rude, aggressive, and pushy. Or at least come off that way when you're pissed and desperate to get your child some food. We have ran into many issues breastfeeding and the lactation…

My wife had a lot of difficulty with breastfeeding for the first month, and our experience with lactation specialists was mixed. Several were horrible like the ones you described. One was amazing and her primary advice was "feed your baby", formula was fine. Her other primary advice was "take care of yourself" such as using nipple shields. Not only can the nipples be sore, but too much damage can lead to more serious…

Thanks :)

My child is tongue tied, lip tied, and my wife has inverted nipples. Nipple shields are past just being a comfort thing, which is useful on its own, to being the starting point to even attempting anything. Even with those there things, the specialists in the hospital were aggressive pushing against using shields and kept saying we'd regret using them. It's like they were disinterested in my my baby even eating if it didn't fit an aesthetic ideal if what breastfeeding should be.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#75

Post by lghh »

rubidium wrote: post #57
rpedela wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife had a lot of difficulty with breastfeeding for the first month, and our experience with lactation specialists was mixed. Several were horrible like the ones you described. One was amazing and her primary advice was "feed your baby", formula was fine. Her other primary advice was "take care of yourself" such as using nipple shields. Not only can the nipples be sore, but too much damage can lead to more serious…

Agreed here. If any breastfeeding issues definitely check for tongue tie. Also know that some hospitals won’t diagnose it at all (but not tell you that’s their policy) or only the severe cases. Check with an independent specialist if that’s the case.

Baby is tongue tied, lip tied, and my wife has inverted nipples. Basically the there things that make this hard :/.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#76

Post by RhysU »

kraftman wrote: post #22

As a newish parent of a 6 month year old, one thing I've found hard is the amount of misinformation/opinion pieces online when trying to research things. The best resources I found are from the NHS [1] for things like breastfeeding/first solid foods, and Emily Oster's two books [2] which provide a fairly unbiased summary of the current state of research both before and after birth. I found prenatal classes really inf…

> prenatal classes

+1 for prenatal classes, the more granola the better.

Bizarrely, we had a married pair of clowns in the class before my older kid was born. All I could think of was, what if their kid is scared of clowns?

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#78

Post by sebazzz »

lastofus wrote: post #3

Something that I wish was made clear to me beforehand is that there is a huge variance in children, even between siblings. This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, an…

Hear hear. My first was easy and level 1, but apparently with our second I cheated to the endboss. She is all "won't do" (she's two years old now) and really does everything how she wants it.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#79

Post by pongogogo »

The best piece of advice I got was to only read one book.

There's tonnes and tonnes of diverse opinions about what approaches to take but I think that's because what matters is not the approach you choose but the consistency in applying it, which is what babies thrive on.

So it's a good time to be a hedgehog and not a fox, just find one book which fits your world view and then follow that guide religiously. This is also much less stressful than juggling all of the conflicting advice you're going to receive.

Have a blast and best of luck on your journey!

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#80

Post by oliwarner »

In the UK, I can thoroughly recommend NCT. I suppose any group-based meet up might be as good.

NCT got us and half a dozen other parents of similar age all in the same room for 18 hours split over six weeks. We also met up outside classes and carried on socialising afterwards.

So not only did we get a pile of information about what to expect and what to do for birth and early days, but it gave us a network of people to chat to while going through the rough stuff. That's far more precious a resource than any book when your up five times a night with teething.

Post reply on HN