Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

There is no way I want to take care of anyone other than my own children, which is enough. I have three children in my house, which is more than enough.

Caregivers also spend tons of their own money on care giving, plus trips to the doctor, dentist, etc. I already don't get enough down time. I also want to actually retire on time and do what I want to do, not babysit the elderly. I don't want or need the hassle of being a care giver. It's not in my makeup to do that kind of thing. In addition, my children WILL NOT be living at home until they are 30. I will have earned my peace and quiet by then and I want to get it. MY job now is to make my children as independent as possible: learning to cook, mow, change a tire, be literate, good with math, critical thinking, and not rely on others for things that should be done alone. And most importantly, avoid debt like the plague. A man should owe no one if possible. My daughter already plans to pay for her own university by dint of military service. We explained to her that we made it on our own, she will have to do likewise. No parent should go into debt for their child's education. It prolongs the parents ability to retire and enjoy their own golden years.

> (Americans fetishize a sort of "rugged individualism" where you alone can solve every problem you're faced with or else it's not a real problem)

Nearly any attempt paint American Culture with broad strokes is going to fail.. but using absolute terms like you're doing here A) is wildly inaccurate, and B) negatively portrays a pretty neutral personal ideology. I value individualism for the same reasons I devalue conformity -- I generally want to be left to my own devices to do pretty much whatever I want.

This trope about detrementally fetishizing rugged individualism, which is unbelievably common and doesn't seem to ever be subject to a skeptical eye, is a subtle dig at people who want what I want: To be left alone and to be free.

You are not in the minority. Everyone needs time to be alone. You will start feeling alone when you get back from hunting and nobody is waiting for you.

In the suburbs I have many neighbors in similar life situations to me. With minimal effort I can make friends with people a block away with kids the same ages as mine. Just go to a park and start a conversation

I’m finding modern life requires tribal flexibility

I am an introvert but the isolation I experience is soul crushing. Half of it is location and culture, rural nowhere and no public transport. Half of it is poor health. I am not here by choice and it's sapping my will each day. Living in a city and having people all around easily accessible you wasn't mentally exhausting for me as one would think, it was lovely and energizing. I'd love to be able to move back. But one can still be alone in a crowd.

I recall an experience I had in a large city, a dense capital and no lack of people around. I knocked on an apartment door to meet up with someone but had gotten the number wrong. A lovely old woman answered the door in her nightgown. I apologised for my mistake and asked if she knew where the person I was looking for lived. She did not, but she invited me in for tea. I accepted and even thought she didn't speak English and my command of her language was poor, we had a human interaction that both of us needed. She was so incredibly alone there. You could tell by how she lived in this little 25 square meter flat and how things came pouring out of her to me, this stranger. We had our tea, I had my tour and saw the photos, and politely excused myself as I had "things to do". My life hadn't fully collapsed yet, and while I have always been empathetic and didn't rush out, I can't help but often think that I should have stayed longer, done more for her, gone back. I always intended to go back when I had more time, but shortly after my own life accelerated downhill and I never found the chance. It was many years ago and she was quite elderly then. I imagine she might have passed by now. But I often think of her and that little room and if by some magic I can get back there I will knock on that door. There are lonely people all around us.