I feel you re. integration and connectiveness. I do not envy you for having issues. But I can say that if I waited until I wasn't "depressed" (what does this mean in the wider scope of our stories we tell each other? When you can't know good without the bad? I think we're all depressed else we wouldn't know happiness) I likely would have dropped off a chair instead of dropping some caps and stems.

You have to understand where these mental hangups are coming from sometimes. And it is my most sincere hope the OP can see what all of us are trying to say before letting the abyss take them. I so hope they know we've felt it pulling. Even if they aren't interested in drugs in the least I hope they know they're not alone in any of this.

I'm not a bad enough dood to explore much of these new drugs. Mostly experienced in the classic 3 and once DMT (hope to again someday when I figure out how to make the rig work). But from what I've seen in this thread and vague posts in the past it seems like ketamine offers a very empathic experience.

I'll never forget the day I figured out how to cry again, cry healthily, thanks to these things. Like a ghost of all my missing emotions I sloughed off in the distant past came back to me. It is wonderful.

And can people please, please stop the senseless cynicism in this subthread. I'm being reminded why I stopped posting on HN. No matter what your personal position is. It is ultimately irrelevant to this OP and the energy you're putting into handwringing can easily be put into reminding them of the fact that they are not alone. There's someone right there with them and sharing in it for one reason or another. And we all have a responsibility to take care of them in the same way we do our better selves.