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Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#71

Post by cruppstahl »

I'm 40, and I enjoy being 40. I feel that I start to understand why things are the way they are, why other people behave like they do, and why I am how I am. I don't go so far to say that i grok everything, but I certainly have a lot of clarity now that I did not have when I was younger. And I have a toolbox of things that help me when I am not sure about me, about my life etc.

The rest of your life is starting today. You have a job, a large dating pool and an open future. Visualize your future (it might look like a grey void) and give it a smile and it will no longer look scary (this is something that always works for me!). Then go and find a therapist. She'll help you get rid of the depression, to find motivation in your job and to figure out what to do in the next 40 years.

BTW - I found this article to be encouraging: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/04/opinion/sunday/how-to-sur...

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#73

Post by petecooper »

elmerfud wrote: post #10

First, stop thinking of yourself as mentally damaged. You're normal. If by the time you're 30-40 and you haven't realized that all new things that you encounter will eventually go away, then you're mentally damaged. It's a normal transition from shortsighted childishness to farsighted maturity. You're in the prime of your life. You're at a stage where you have skills and experience to do lots of things and make decen…

Thank you. I read your reply 5 or so hours ago and had to go to a meeting, hence my delay in reply. I've re-read it another three times.

My assertion of mental damage is was perhaps badly phrased. Yes, it's a sliding scale, and the more people I meet, the more I understand most people have their demons…some will admit to them, others won't. Not wanting to backpedal, but my choice of words wasn't ideal

Also, I noticed someone (not me) had changed the title to "[…] and have anhedonia.", and currently it's "[…] and have depression." I'm fine with either, both or all three, but clearly I've tripped a filter and someone's had to step in.

Semantics aside, I really appreciate your reply - thank you very much.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#74

Post by petecooper »

elmerfud wrote: post #55
jamesrcole wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> First, stop thinking of yourself as mentally damaged. You're normal I think it's unhelpful to assert things like that when we don't have enough information for making definitive statements. Perhaps they do have some genuine and serious issues? We can't know just from the description given. If they do then acting like they don't isn't very helpful.

Like many of the other commenters, my point was that labeling yourself as broken and assuming the victim mindset is what's unhelpful. Everyone has issues, literally everyone and understanding that it's normal and not what defines you is what's important. This allows you to acknowledge, embrace, and seek help if needed.

>my point was that labeling yourself as broken and assuming the victim mindset is what's unhelpful.

For clarity, and for my own benefit of writing it down -- I don't have a victim mentality, at least there's no perception of one. I'm certainly not out to blame anyone or create drama.

The background anhedonia/depression has normalised it, certainly -- my circle of friends is small and carefully selected, so I don't have many yardsticks to measure against -- but I like to think I'm glass half-full, most of the time.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#75

Post by gesman »

With depression - the key is not fighting with depression, but rather find what you want to focus on - something interesting, meaningful, especially if it relates to helping other people - and focus on it, whether you feel depressed or not.

That activity needs to be mental + physical.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#76

Post by petecooper »

criveros wrote: post #72

- Why don't you try taking a long vacation? Stay in some hostels in South America. Meet some new people along the way. Maybe work remotely from there after you travel. - You could try microdosing LSD for the low-level depression.

>You could try microdosing LSD for the low-level depression.

Thanks for this. CBD oil and psilocybin microdosing works pretty well for me, though there is a tendency for me to not find any immediate effect to the psilocybin and as such it's not something I do often enough. The CBD oil is more pronounced, though.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#77

Post by petecooper »

Arun2009 wrote: post #51

If you haven't heard of it yet, I suggest that you look at Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), and start training yourself to aggressively fight any demons that might be haunting you. I highly recommend Ellis's book, "A Guide to Rational Living", which will train you in challenging your own self-defeating thoughts. Note that I don't mean this as a cure-all, but merely as one of the tools you (or…

>What I love most about REBT is that it trains us to be our own therapist.

Thank you for your advice and recommendation -- I have just purchased a copy of the book.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#78

Post by datadwarfs »

1. See a professional therapist to help you sort out your issues. Maybe talk to several therapists initially to find one that you enjoy working with and then stick with that one therapist for awhile.

2. Live healthy - By that I mean try to exercise daily and eat healthy. Gets lots of rest and drink lots of water. Avoid alcohol, sugar, and junk food.

3. In addition to seeing a therapist, read "12 Rules for Life" by Jordan Peterson or listen to the audiobook version (available on audible and narrated by the author) while you go out jogging or hiking. Jordan Peterson also has an interactive "self authoring" program available (https://www.selfauthoring.com/) which is designed to help you sort out your past, present, and future.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#79

Post by TheAlchemist »

Well, I would recommend starting some serious exercising. What are you doing ? Lifting weights ? Running ?

If you're into running it would be great to fix some longer term goals, like running a marathon or a trail. I've found that long distance running and everything that goes with it, provides an enormous joy and an overall improvement in life perception. And if you do run, go running in a forest or at least in a park - not in a gym.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#80

Post by datadwarfs »

dfsegoat wrote: post #18

As others have stated, the biggest thing is to stop beating yourself up - stop calling yourself damaged. Also, you need to start exercising - it is the only thing for me personally that will keep "the darkness" at bay. The research and neurobiology behind exercise being an effective modulator of mood is all solid. Further, I recommend you listen to Jocko Podcast [1] - by Jocko Willink, a retired Navy SEAL commander,…

I listen to Jocko too- It's an excellent podcast! If you like Jocko, then you'll probably like Jordan Peterson too. His audiobook "12 rules for life" on audible is great because he narrates it.
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