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How to keep someone with you forever

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Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#71

Post by doki_pen »

loewenskind wrote: post #70
doki_pen wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the bonus system can be very effective at preventing turn-over for the better part of the year. If you just hang on a few more months you get that big bonus!

It is good at lock in ("sheesh, I've been here for 8 months, I've only got 4 to go. If I leave I could be leaving $20k on the table"), especially since bonus payouts are often months after hearing the number so you've already began earning the next one before you get your current one paid. The problem is, when you get that "big" bonus and it's not big then you can't help but be disappointed. I recently saw a company…

I call that doing it wrong. When you are hiring, you need to promote the bonus as part of the salary, and make sure you pay most of it, even if tough times. You can skip the raise, but don't skip the bonus. That is penny-wise, pound foolish.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#72

Post by maeon3 »

fleitz wrote: post #13

The advice is great on both fronts wish I read it about 10 years ago. Really bad work places and a really bad relationship, it works even better when you're doing both at the same time. Lesson learned, you can't save the world, shitty people and shitty companies will always be so, the key is to move on and surround yourself with great people both in business and in life. It's really the same effect in both cases, the…

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Is spooky right-on, for 4 years of my work I had a co worker who was a psychopath/sociopath the entire time and I hadn't realized, he fit EVERY one of these items. Read these items, print it out and tape it on your wall.

lawyers were involved, turns out the sociopath was being manipulated by an even greater sociopath. These people are the people you find blackmailing you to derail your career permanently for financial gain.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#73

Post by runjake »

fleitz wrote: post #13

The advice is great on both fronts wish I read it about 10 years ago. Really bad work places and a really bad relationship, it works even better when you're doing both at the same time. Lesson learned, you can't save the world, shitty people and shitty companies will always be so, the key is to move on and surround yourself with great people both in business and in life. It's really the same effect in both cases, the…

Your link reeks of Wikipedia-esque POV. It reads like someone who's been hurt by a sociopath. On a scientific level, I might argue that something is "wrong with them" as the article states. These seem like prevalent enough traits to serve some evolutionary purpose, however much our culture despises and may be harmed by them.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#75

Post by maeon3 »

Revisor wrote: post #57

Honest question: Why does this article resonate so much and has over 200 upvotes as of now? Is this really such a wide-spread phenomenon? Can't one detect such behaviour very fast and get out of the rollercoaster before any damage is done?

revisor, the psychopath/sociopath discovers your algorithm for detecting evil behavior and self compensates. So your notion of "just avoid the bad behavior" doesn't really work. The roller coaster example is an incorrect analogy because the roller coaster is not smart enough to change itself to thwart your negative evaluations.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#76

Post by CapitalistCartr »

JoeAltmaier wrote: post #64
smokinn wrote: post #33

It's depressing how much of that matches up with personal experience. My first job right out of school had points 1 through 9 covered. It was only when I managed to get out that I realized I was right on the edge of a burnout. After leaving I felt like a weight was lifted off of me and I could breathe again. It felt like I had been holding my breath for months. I was lucky because on top of 1 through 9 they also mass…

Sounds like a cynical old guy (I'm one of those). But probably, delayed gratification is a sign of maturity not naivete. So how to tell the difference between legitimate delayed reward, and smoke? Trust I guess

There are several differences, and yeah, I am all too familiar with jobs and girlfriends like this.

First difference, is delayed gratification is something I choose for myself; it's not driven onto me.

Second is that when I choose delayed gratification, I choose it based on rational, observed reasons to expect the result, not a promise from someone who hasn't demonstrated trustworthiness. Trust is based on past performance. Blind trust is faith, which I leave to religions.

Third is that choosing delayed gratification is a sign of maturity when the end benefit is a bonus, not when it's someone taking the rock off your back. When the "better times ahead" means simply not having crap shoveled over you each day, it's not maturity to delay jumping out of the septic tank.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#77

Post by BrandonM »

DanielBMarkham wrote: post #60

Wonder how much of that just corresponds to being alive? Intermittent rewards, keeping you busy, being tired, emotionally involved, crises occur --- perhaps much of this is just a fact of life and not intentional on the part of others? Yes, you can intentionally do this to people. But can't it also just be a natural part of existence?

Have you considered that maybe you are stuck in a system that the author is describing? "Intermittent rewards, keeping you busy, being tired, emotionally involved, crises occur" is absolutely not a description of life. It describes some of my worst weeks, but I think I'd go insane if my life was like that all the time.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#78

Post by cynicalkane »

loewenskind wrote: post #70
doki_pen wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the bonus system can be very effective at preventing turn-over for the better part of the year. If you just hang on a few more months you get that big bonus!

It is good at lock in ("sheesh, I've been here for 8 months, I've only got 4 to go. If I leave I could be leaving $20k on the table"), especially since bonus payouts are often months after hearing the number so you've already began earning the next one before you get your current one paid. The problem is, when you get that "big" bonus and it's not big then you can't help but be disappointed. I recently saw a company…

At my company, bonuses are based on a standardized bonus earnings target. The target is unpublished, but the company keeps people updated on the approximate chance of the bonus meeting certain percentage benchmarks. Keeps people from being unpleasantly (or pleasantly) surprised by too great a degree.

When bonuses are paid out this way, I see them more as a way to sort of vary compensation based on market health, while still guaranteeing a fixed salary. They're performance incentives inasmuch as employees are compensated based partly on performance and partly on how well the industry is doing, making compensation market-driven in a loose sort of way.

Re: How to keep someone with you forever

#80

Post by alassehz »

japherwocky wrote: post #3

Also known as how to spot a dysfunctional work environment! Lots of good advice in there, especially if you've never experienced cube-land first hand. I wonder how many people are filing this under "useful but morally grey", versus "i need to quit my job and fill out a YC app"?

filed under "useful but morally grey." It makes me wonder though would people be satisfied? It seems that there is always something shinning but you are not to grasp it ever. I don't think I could work this way if I were in such situation I would probably quit. I do understand though that there are constraints that keep such mechanism at work, but what can we do about it?
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