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Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

theguardian.com

71–80 of 182 posts

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#71
post #4

Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority. Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points. However, I do believe it is possible to survive all…

It’s also possible to live differently. I played the stoic for decades until the isolation of being a business owner living in a city pushed me over the brink. I’ve struggled with loneliness my entire life - and adult life has been worse than childhood. I started boarding school at six - and while I was homesick for some time, the camaraderie of other inmates, uh, students, was the only thing that kept me mildly sane…

Thanks for this, the first half of the comment perfectly sums up my last few years.

I've moved out of London to try and live a more comfortable and less hectic life in a smaller city, now I find I'm so alone I want to move back to the city just to be with my friends.

I'd love to be in the middle of nowhere, or anywhere else in the world, but the "friends" problem is always so understated. I _need_ friends(hip), or I don't function. Even as an "antisocial" person, as my friends like to say, friendship is the most important thing in life.

Funnily, the fact that I'm being productive while a big part of myself is just a huge hole is impressive in itself.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#72

Modern society may have issues, but it as bad as it is usually portrayed. 10,000 years ago, you would live in a tribe. If you were not popular among your tribe, it is likely you would be either exiled and forced to live in solitude and die during winter or be constantly subject to violence. 2,000 years ago, you would live only to work in a farm or be in a state of perpetual war. To make things worse, literacy rate wa…

Wait, do you think that the Tulsa race riot happened because people didn't have radio or TV? Wtf?

Race riots occurred in this country because of the acute structural contradiction between the white settler-nation and the other nations; these contradictions have not been resolved by radio and TV in the interim. We will see more of these riots in the future.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#73
post #39

Personally, going to Church has helped me suffer less with loneliness. I've made meaningful friendships, and relationships with people from all sorts of backgrounds. It has given more meaning to my life than anything I found at work, or by random socialising. Of course, YMMV. Please take this as a random anecdote, not as evangelism.

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Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#75

For the past year, I've been working on the social isolation problem. Here's the idea we're currently developing. Would love to hear folks' feedback. Would you be excited about using this? "A social app, like Tinder but for hangouts with friends. See what your friends want to do, and swipe right to show you’re interested. You can also join hangouts in the global feed to instantly expand your social circle. Hangouts a…

Great idea, I'd do it somewhat like this if i had a large enough team:

features needed to be successful: --STack overflow/HN/Reddit style Rep or magical internet points: These things are important, look how compelling they are for people to go out of their way to do things.... If you can tap into this so people go out of their way... to leave their house and socialize. even if its superficial for internet points, its helping adn putting them in the right direction.

--badges, via Audible App/Duolingo App, and other big sites that have probably spent big $$$$ coming to the conclusion that these things increase engagement. Have badges for 'hung out with same person in same meetup event 6 times in a row...(having social interactions with the same people over and over again builds better connections.) also: hung out with a newb (low reputation) and a (insert great noun here warlock/mage (gender neutral)/pilot etcc.) basically a veteran socializer in same group.(sub point... people can get different avatar badges i dunno anything to make it optionally fun/kooky not so serious, adds a great common talking point when players (social players) get together in a meetup.

--these things can also be refactored to mimic Riot games 'League of Legends' game, a free to play game, that is the #1 esports game in the world, with more viewers than NBA finals. They use 'riot points' as a way to make $ so players can customize / stylize/express uniqueness in game with skins on base models... anyways point being that there oculd be points like this which allow people to 'enhance a meetup' so anyone attending gets a bunch of rep, or gets a hat, or gets a badge etc etc... maybe it costs the person activating it 10$, but its totally worth it for them cause the nerdy players coming are psyched for the __Free__ magical internet points or magical virtual hat or whatever. Also you can tie it into businesses and volunteer organizations in your local town. Like, meetup at foodbank berlin, foodbank Newyork, southside to volunteer and get XXXX extra points, or increase your volunteer badge etc.. heck put in a talent-tree a la duolingo/diablo for volunteering advancment haha (this step would require late stage company growht with lots of emplyees / communtiy mgrs and operations to avoid corruption and loopholes in this system)

At the end of each meetup have an optional form players can fill out ascribing strange nouns or adjectives to other players (green rooted dandelion, extreme fluff shark, ported slime swamp) a la heroku/gfycat slug style. They wont ever know, the exact attributions they receive but every 6 months some strange algorithm takes the inputs and generates a strange pokemon style creature or item and gives it to them.

then fractal-idea-spiral off this and include them in meetup invites with other players who have been given randomly given similar creatures. so then the commonality in that unique meetup is the strange-ass reward they receive in this game.

also see Yelp, and how they have community events, could probably snipe some ideas from that to increase peoples local engagement in this. Or, plug into yelps api and have food based events where people meetup based on local deals restaurants are having. then have sub games inside the meetup like who can take the best photo of a drink shrine, where everyone stacks their drinks/cans of sodas in an intricate pattern, or who can make the best fries shrine or some weird art construction thing like that. they are all passed into a NN-imageclassifier you have running that tries to accurately match em to ancient temple shrines as well as pictures of fries etc...make up some function to give each picture a score. whatever the challenge is. This is crazy dumb, but thats the point its some kooky dumb thing they are doing together and its fun its social. also great press cause it will generate weird headlines.

There would be lots of features/game modes in this app, the food one above being an example. so like LeagueOfLegends, make some of them unlockable (2-5$), but have them on 'rotation' so they are always playable eventualyl throughout say, 2-3 months, also players can eventually unlock em wihtout paying, by using the points they accumulated.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#76

Best solution to loneliness is to gain massive debt, become dirt poor, and battle daily with attention deficit issues while you struggle to learn and become productive enough to get a job in the software industry with a pretty horrible work history, an incomplete bachelors, and a near worthless associates. Living one rung lower on Maslow's hierarchy makes you forget about the desire to be around people, or even leave…

Ouch. Hope it gets better. Have you tried subreddits like https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/ , /r/offmychest/, or something like 7 cups of tea? As the story relates, we're more like to offer practical advice here on HN rather than the emotional support you probably need right now. It does, honestly, get better. You're making the right moves, even if it does all look desperate right now.

This is the culmination of the "everyone should code" movement. Is this really what you want?

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#77

For the past year, I've been working on the social isolation problem. Here's the idea we're currently developing. Would love to hear folks' feedback. Would you be excited about using this? "A social app, like Tinder but for hangouts with friends. See what your friends want to do, and swipe right to show you’re interested. You can also join hangouts in the global feed to instantly expand your social circle. Hangouts a…

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Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#78
post #37

We're paying the price for the proliferation of existentialism, and it's flavor of capitalism and justice. "You're on your own" is good when reaping rewards and thriving in a meritocracy, but not when you need help, are losing, or just want warmth. But a healthy dose of loneliness is what has us reaching for each other. So we should all just give in, and reach for each other. Natural feeling tend to take care of them…

How are you defining "existentialism" here?

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#80
I think a large part of the problem is that the younger generations have grown up with pretty strong expectations placed upon them to do things like go to college (at whatever cost), land a white collar job, climb the ladder, etc.

The obvious solution is to own your decisions and start doing what you think is right for you, but it's far easier said than done to step out from under the expectations you've been saddled with your entire life.

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