The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women • Hacker News Board

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#71

Post by niuzeta » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:38 AM UTC

xor1 wrote: post #35

steanne wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

that won't expand the pool as much as you think. it widens it on the education variable, but narrowers it to men who aren't threatened by women who are more educated (and possibly higher-paid) than they are.

>men who aren't threatened by women who are more educated (and possibly higher-paid) than they are Do these people actually exist anymore? What kind of man is really going to pass on an otherwise suitable partner just because she's more educated and makes more money than him? I can't imagine a single person I know thinking something along the lines of "yeah, she's great, but she makes more money than me, it won't wor…

Traditional gender roles and expectation still exist. It also seems that if the wife makes more than the husband, you're more likely to suffer a divorce[1]

It's easy to say I wouldn't mind, but I haven't faced the situation. In fact, I hope I wouldn't have to.

[1] https://hbr.org/2017/05/does-a-womans-high-status-career-hur...

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#72

Post by eighthnate » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:40 AM UTC

vowelless wrote: post #3

> They end up being forced to compete for the limited pool of educated men not just with their more numerous educated rivals, but also with less educated women whom men find desirable on other dimensions. Considering that we want to eliminate any gaps between the genders, why are educated women limited to educated men of their own ages? Why not increase the pool like men do: go for more younger, possibly less educate…

> Considering that we want to eliminate any gaps between the genders, why are educated women limited to educated men of their own ages?

Biologically and evolutionarily speaking, men want younger and more fertile women to mate with. Women want established males ( their age or older ) to mate with.

> Why not increase the pool like men do: go for more younger, possibly less educated men (as the article implies for men)?

As I stated earlier because men want younger women and women want established males.

http://static5.businessinsider.com/image/54455482eab8ea36171...

http://www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attra...

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#73

Post by xor1 » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:41 AM UTC

niuzeta wrote: post #71

xor1 wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>men who aren't threatened by women who are more educated (and possibly higher-paid) than they are Do these people actually exist anymore? What kind of man is really going to pass on an otherwise suitable partner just because she's more educated and makes more money than him? I can't imagine a single person I know thinking something along the lines of "yeah, she's great, but she makes more money than me, it won't wor…

Traditional gender roles and expectation still exist. It also seems that if the wife makes more than the husband, you're more likely to suffer a divorce[1] It's easy to say I wouldn't mind, but I haven't faced the situation. In fact, I hope I wouldn't have to. [1] https://hbr.org/2017/05/does-a-womans-high-status-career-hur...

From that link:

>We found that wives who believed they held higher status positions than their husbands were indeed more likely to experience feelings of resentfulness or embarrassment, feeling that their status was decreased by their husbands’ lower status position, which in turn had a negative impact on their marital satisfaction — and even increased the likelihood that they were thinking about divorce. Husbands, however, were unaffected by their wives’ status spillover feelings: They only experienced greater marital dissatisfaction and thoughts about divorce if their wives’ were outwardly unhappy with their relationship.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#74

Post by alva » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:43 AM UTC

indescions_2017 wrote: post #28

Not the usual sort of discussion I expect to see on Edge but welcome nonetheless. Fertility services, reproductive tech is very hot right now. With women who heed the countdown of their biological clocks electing to freeze their eggs at $50K, it could also be considered a growth sector. So why not provide the spectrum of services a single professional would need to raise a family. From quality genetically screened ga…

This is the life-hack more mid-30s women are doing now. I think people underestimate the significance of it. Able to carry out the rearing function with perceived top quality sperm that would be unaccessible to them naturally.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#75

Post by xedrac » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:43 AM UTC

eighthnate wrote: post #57

Anyone else think this article was going to be about chess? Man HN has my mind so warped I thought this article was going to be about women and chess.

Seems to fit. "Unable to secure the smothered mate, she had to settle for the backrank mate."

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#76

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:46 AM UTC

Oxitendwe wrote: post #47

jimmywanger wrote: post #19

I'm not trying to incite a flamewar here, and this will probably be downvoted to death. Well, the argument here should be: Men don't find education and accomplishment as attractive as women do - they find youth and beauty important also. Therefore, in order to attract a mate, logically women should try to attract a mate when they're younger, and try to improve the way they look. They should not be trying to get more…

>Therefore, in order to attract a mate, logically women should try to attract a mate when they're younger, and try to improve the way they look. They should not be trying to get more educated or accomplish more in their careers. Now that's ridiculous, why should women care about getting a mate, it's not like we have a sub-replacement birthrate or anything, or that having children later increases the chance of birth d…

[deleted]

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#77

Post by jimmywanger » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:48 AM UTC

whatshisface wrote: post #54

xor1 wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>They can of course do whatever they want, but I have very little sympathy for people who recognize how reality is and don't try to act in ways that will optimize the probability of the outcome they want. Yep. I recognized that I was ugly, and I thought that this was the primary obstacle when it came to dating. I fixed that with surgery, and I was right.

It's only a matter of time before we can pay CBT psychotherapists to give us good senses of humor and easy-to-be-around personalities. We're fast converging on a future where IQ and inherited wealth will be the only two fundamental positive qualities.

Why would we need to fix basic biology?

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#78

Post by zanny » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:49 AM UTC

Santosh83 wrote: post #34

indescions_2017 wrote: post #28

Not the usual sort of discussion I expect to see on Edge but welcome nonetheless. Fertility services, reproductive tech is very hot right now. With women who heed the countdown of their biological clocks electing to freeze their eggs at $50K, it could also be considered a growth sector. So why not provide the spectrum of services a single professional would need to raise a family. From quality genetically screened ga…

You assume single parent upbringing is optimal? Why are 1. the world's population (as opposed to 'developed world's' population), and 2., the best for the child, not considered?

Because capitalism. If single wealthy women want children for... god knows what reason, there are enough studies to show that children need their parents throughout their childhoods to develop optimally, and having one or even worse both of them sequestered away in careers while they grow up in daycare is harmful. But if single wealthy women want children they will get them, they have the financial resources to push the economy into making it happen one way or another. You don't fight economics with morals postmortem.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#79

Post by dwaltrip » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:50 AM UTC

niuzeta wrote: post #61

alva wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If men can increase their pool size, why not women? Women can, it is just they don't want to due to what the majority express as desirable characteristics. It is a sad state of affairs that make both men and women worse off. I know several women in their mid-thirties who adamantly refuse to consider long term partnership with perceived low status males (along lines of status, power, wealth and education). The main…

> I know several women in their mid-thirties who adamantly refuse to consider long term partnership with perceived low status males (along lines of status, power, wealth and education). Lowering standards aside, this attitude alone would be off-putting for most men, high-status ones especially. What do they bring to the table? Certainly humility isn't one of them.

Parent is using blunt language to communicate economically, don't read into it too much. The women displaying such mate selection patterns could easily be friendly, sociable, and well-liked.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#80

Post by xor1 » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 12:51 AM UTC

megaman22 wrote: post #70

xor1 wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Finding an "equal" man in your mid-thirties as a women is very hard. Finding an "equal" woman in your mid-thirties as a man who doesn't want to date down in terms of education, status, wealth, or mental health is just as difficult.

Or finding one who isn't traumatized too badly by past relationships.

I think that people who are "traumatized" by past relationships were the ones who had psychological issues of some sort to begin with, that that sort of damage happens when you are a child, and that your typical, emotionally healthy adult can get over it and force themselves to trust again, even if it happens repeatedly and with multiple partners, because the majority of people are "good" people, and you can't let people with personality disorders taint your entire view of humanity or a specific subset of it.

I went through the wringer with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder with significant narcissistic and sociopathic traits. I can't imagine a future relationship possibly being any worse, short of a pregnancy being involved (or another person with BPD). I was shaken up for a few months, but I'm over it now. She would blame many of her negative traits and behaviors (that, from my understanding and conversations with her mom, had been a part of her personality from an early age) on past lovers, as if they were the ones responsible for damaging her. I'm sure she brought me up to the next guy(s) as well. How dare I try to get her into therapy? All she ever did was love me, after all.