Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

My loss

sivers.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 111 posts

Re: My loss

#71

Post by elai »

tomjen3 wrote: post #67
gord wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I actually wonder whether marriage should have a time limit specified. Its a better fit to reality : people living longer, large proportion divorcing after 5 years, sequential marriages to different people. "I love you darling, will you spend the next 12 years with me to raise a child together?". This is not purely cynical... I think its so cool when two people who have been married for 15 years decide to celebrate w…

How would that work when they find out that they want to spend the next 10 years together? I ask because my grandparents have been together for 50 years, my parents for 20, and I am pretty certain that both marriages will last to the death.

"I think its so cool when two people who have been married for 15 years decide to celebrate with second marriage ceremony to launch them into the next 15."

You just have another ;)

Re: My loss

#72

Post by elai »

dkersten wrote: post #28
sivers wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Strong asset protection should never require hiding! You should always be able to have all assets fully revealed, and still be protected. Never depend on secrets.

Bad choice of words perhaps. I really meant hide it out of reach , not hide it out of sight . Good point though. Actually hiding assets is a terrible form of protection (just as in computing security through obscurity is a terrible means of security). EDIT: Looks like jacquesm can type faster than I :-/

Wow, I never realized to link the computer concept with the finance aspect.

Re: My loss

#74

Post by dieterrams »

philk wrote: post #58
petercooper wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Met a great, funny, vibrant, intelligent, much thinner and younger woman Because being "much thinner and younger" is what we should celebrate about our new partners.

While you're busy pretending to be sensitive some of us are willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner. Also I note you disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part.

I feel like I'm wading into dangerous territory here ("I'm going to get downvoted for this"), but I think petercooper raised a valid objection (sort of). Not that I really want to be picking nits over all this and getting hyperanalytical over one line from fleitz's inspiring story, but...

You know why petercooper disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part? Because those are qualities fleitz values in his new partner that are inherent to her. But the qualities of being "much thinner and younger" than some other woman are not. Those are the sort of comparisons you make when you view women as trophies, which, I hope we can all agree, is pretty douchebaggey.

Now I don't actually think fleitz is a women-as-trophies sort of guy. He got screwed over by his ex, so he's just happy to point out some things about this woman he met that make her different from his ex and make him happier. No problem with that. But at least you can see what it is petercooper is responding to, which isn't simply being "willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner."

(Also, I hope it's evident that this isn't the sort of thing you should admit, loudly, to your hot young girlfriend or whatever in front of a bunch of fat and old people. The idea that you should be honest about yourself isn't incompatible with the idea that there's a time and a place for everything.)

So anyway, yeah, I don't think the guy deserved to get trashed for his response. It was an understandable one to make.

Re: My loss

#75

Post by l0stman »

sivers wrote: post #2

The HN take-away: Behind what looks like a success could actually be a failure. (And probably vice-versa.)

Thanks for sharing this, it was extremely brave of you to do so. Speaking of one's failures in public requires a high degree of courage. Besides, from reading your other posts on HN, I thought you were what I would generally consider a successful guy. But like you said, there's always a flip side in every situation.

Re: My loss

#76

Post by c00p3r »

I think such a "general" posts should be considered an off topic here. Two reasons. Well-reading people, which I assume a majority here, might find that kind of postings on the top page a little bit annoying. Second - there are a lot of such stories in each other's life. It is not a reason to expose them on the HN.

Re: My loss

#77

Post by gvb »

gord wrote: post #50
mhb wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do people get married? It's a poorly defined contract with ill-defined consequences into which they enter apparently because it's what everyone else does to signal their feelings. Similar to giving a diamond engagement ring or using off-the-shelf business forms.

I actually wonder whether marriage should have a time limit specified. Its a better fit to reality : people living longer, large proportion divorcing after 5 years, sequential marriages to different people. "I love you darling, will you spend the next 12 years with me to raise a child together?". This is not purely cynical... I think its so cool when two people who have been married for 15 years decide to celebrate w…

Ummm, it takes a minimum of 18 years to raise a child. If you continue to "raise" the child through college, add at least another four. If you have more than one child, you hit the timer reset every time.

Getting married to raise a child is essentially a lifetime commitment, at least for one of the two getting married.

Re: My loss

#78

Post by gnaritas »

elai wrote: post #70
gnaritas wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I actually wonder whether marriage should have a time limit specified. Some places do, down to a matter of hours. It's a slick way around prostitution laws and moral qualms.

A lot of people take that kind of 'marriage' as one big stinking ball of hypocrisy and generally don't like it.

A lot of people don't like a lot of things, so what? It still happens. When the laws of a country are based on religion and pre-marital sex is not allowed, solutions like this are bound to happen; it is inevitable.

Re: My loss

#79

Post by [deleted] »

dieterrams wrote: post #74
philk wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While you're busy pretending to be sensitive some of us are willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner. Also I note you disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part.

I feel like I'm wading into dangerous territory here ("I'm going to get downvoted for this"), but I think petercooper raised a valid objection (sort of). Not that I really want to be picking nits over all this and getting hyperanalytical over one line from fleitz's inspiring story, but... You know why petercooper disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part? Because those are qualities fleitz values in h…

[deleted]

Re: My loss

#80

Post by keeptrying »

todayiamme wrote: post #40

I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created structures for myself. Kicked myself. A lot. However, I've fallen flat on my face again and again due to a simple reason. I don't have the resources to execute any kind of measures to get myself out of this mess. I can't concentrate without getting suicidal imagery…

* Theres no time frame to "go to college". Or for that matter to "be successful", "get married" or any such thing. Each to his own.

* Dont be so hard on yourself. This kicks into motion a negative spiral. You need to stop this now. Immediately. Catch your negative thoughts. They are your real problem. Imagine how great a day would be without these thoughts? Meditation will really help in controlling negative thoughts.

* Be thankful. You live in a great country. Your not walking 10 miles a day for getting drinking water. Your not hiding in the desert trying to avoid enslavement by warlords and your not in prison. Yay! Seriously, by being thankful, you'll feel happier and more grounded and thats a good way to start each day.

* Usually the things that trip you up will seem so stupid. And thats just the nature of the game. You might not get a job because you forgot to spell check your resume. Shit happens. Different people have different problems. Realize that the only thing that matters is to fix that one problem and not: * What others would think if they knew you had a problem. (really is of no consequence) * The idea that you have problems and others dont (everyone does) * The idea that maybe at your age you shouldnt be having this problem (this is pure society induced crap)

Come up with a way to fix that particular problem and move on. If it happens again, then you know you need a better method. But ALWAYS move on. Dont get stagnated by the past.

Post reply on HN