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My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

themission.co

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Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#71

Post by Jarwain »

belorn wrote: post #42

Interesting article, but in the context of serious process and scientific methods, the rape statistics quoted in the article is the exact opposite. The "1 in 5 US women is estimated to be raped before age 25" comes from a single study where they did a voluntary survey in one US university campus. It reflecting of the set of students during that year on that campus that decided to answer that survey. The national aver…

Not entirely true, from what I understand. The statistic has been replicated in polls and surveys across various college campuses. The OP's representation, and yours, is a little clunky but makes rational sense to me.

His quote is "1 in 5 US women are estimated to be raped before the age of 25". This statistic is based on surveys conducted by the graduates of various colleges and universities. My understanding of the results are: of all the responding women, roughly 20% claim to have been raped. If the sample of women attending University and/or responding is representative of the population as a whole, then the original claim makes sense.

More to the point, refuting the single study, voluntary survey at one US university campus.

Washington Post-Kaiser Family Foundation Poll. "the poll surveyed a random national sample of 1,053 women and men ages 17 to 26 who were undergraduates at a four-year college — living on campus or nearby — or had been at some point since 2011. They attended more than 500 colleges and universities, public and private, large and small, elite and obscure, located in every state and the District of Columbia." [...] "5 percent of men and 20 percent of women said they had been sexually assaulted in college" http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/local/2015/06/12/1-in-5-wom...

Campus Climate Survey Validation Study " Surveys were completed by more than 23,000 undergraduate students (approximately 15,000 females and 8,000 males). The average response rate across all nine schools was 54% for females and 40% for males" https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/ccsvsftr.pdf

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#72

Post by tpeo »

dwaltrip wrote: post #62
swiley wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Group 1 is mostly women and group 2 is mostly men. At least in my experience.

Unless the majority of people you know are gay, that isn't possible. For each hetero man you know following strategy 2, by definition, there is a corresponding woman (his partner). And vice versa with the women who are using strategy 1.

I don't understand. What's the relationship between one person's dating strategy and another person's dating strategy? What's about gays?

Also, I don't see why, for instance, there wouldn't be something like a population where everyone only tries to date as many people as possible. Are you assuming that people wouldn't ever date the same person again?

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#73

Post by notadoc »

45h34jh53k4j wrote: post #40

I find this creepy and weird. How could you possibly tell the love of your life (if and when you found that person) that they were nothing more than a toy in your little data harvesting exercise.

I think anyone who has been single long enough to experience the soul-draining tedious world of modern dating could understand and appreciate a way to optimize any part of matchmaking.

Also, I think "speed dating" is just a less geeky version of this.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#74

Post by notadoc »

Kenji wrote: post #53

Modern dating is a mystery to me. What a laborious and painful way to sift through people when the most likable people come into your life when you least expect it.

> when the most likable people come into your life when you least expect it.

There is often truth to that, but you have to put yourself into scenarios where that is more likely to happen. Be social, meet as many people as possible, etc.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#75

Post by monksy »

jeffwass wrote: post #52

>"I became an online dating magician who knew how to optimize a profile — A/B testing pictures and message. If I changed my profile picture and got more “likes” as a result, that meant it was better. I was tracking data, which made it easy to see what performed best. >This one worked, probably because it hides the bulging stomach and the balding head." No, your A/B test doesn't mean it's 'better', unless you're count…

You can't find "the one" without having a good conversion rate from your audience. Also, some of dating is about finding your hidden biases and becoming better the next time about being honest about them.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#76

Post by wolco »

rockostrich wrote: post #63
wolco wrote: post #51

It's like the programmer who applies to 150 jobs. The programmer cannot do the research on all 150 so the interviews lack the personal connection. Far better to focus on the 10 you really want do the research and put in the effort to really wow the interviewer.

I don't think the comparison to applying to jobs works. When applying to jobs you have a pretty sizable knowledge of the companies. When online dating, you know very little about each person (the amount of data varies greatly depending on the service and person). You can't know if you're going to like someone until you meet them in person, but you can have a pretty good idea of whether or not you're going to like a c…

If the dating site allows publicly linking to social media profiles or if you have a real name/number you can do a little research. Identifying common interests or topics to avoid can be helpful.

In my experience you don't really know if you are going to like the new job until after you have been working for a period of time. Research can give you clues but sometimes judging what the position will be like by how it sounds or by what you think you want can backfire. Many times the job changes the moment you are hired or shortly after. The only constant I've found is if you don't have a phone on your desk you will have time to actually do the work which will generally make most people happier.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#77

Post by watty »

sillysaurus3 wrote: post #65
watty wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Beholden to someone? Servitude? I'm simply saying that it's unethical to live off of someone else's salary, in marriage, while trying to find a replacement (it's called an affair).

Ten years is a long time, and people change significantly. Think drug abuse. If your SO is strung out all the time, and you have no ability to support yourself, what would you do? Unfortunately this isn't a corner case. It's a sad but common story.

I'm not judging, I get every situation is different. It sounds like you're referring to a specific incident, 10 year+ relationship, things change, spouse is a drug user.

Sounds awful. My opinion is still that one should leave the relationship ASAP, regardless of how difficult it is financially. Support groups, family, part time work, driving uber, whatever it takes. I think it's unethical to stay in a relationship for financial security while trying to find a replacement.

Even if there was emotional or physical abuse my answer would be the same. Exit the relationship, find support, don't have an affair.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#78

Post by monksy »

wolco wrote: post #51

It's like the programmer who applies to 150 jobs. The programmer cannot do the research on all 150 so the interviews lack the personal connection. Far better to focus on the 10 you really want do the research and put in the effort to really wow the interviewer.

> Far better to focus on the 10 you really want do the research and put in the effort to really wow the interviewer.

Sounds like you haven't been on online dating before.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#79

Post by monksy »

sillysaurus3 wrote: post #65
watty wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Beholden to someone? Servitude? I'm simply saying that it's unethical to live off of someone else's salary, in marriage, while trying to find a replacement (it's called an affair).

Ten years is a long time, and people change significantly. Think drug abuse. If your SO is strung out all the time, and you have no ability to support yourself, what would you do? Unfortunately this isn't a corner case. It's a sad but common story.

> . If your SO is strung out all the time, and you have no ability to support yourself, what would you do?

You should work out your issues, remove the things in your life that are causing you harm. (That relationship) Then date later. Moving from one bad relationship to another is a huge redflag.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#80

Post by sillysaurus3 »

watty wrote: post #77
sillysaurus3 wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ten years is a long time, and people change significantly. Think drug abuse. If your SO is strung out all the time, and you have no ability to support yourself, what would you do? Unfortunately this isn't a corner case. It's a sad but common story.

I'm not judging, I get every situation is different. It sounds like you're referring to a specific incident, 10 year+ relationship, things change, spouse is a drug user. Sounds awful. My opinion is still that one should leave the relationship ASAP, regardless of how difficult it is financially. Support groups, family, part time work, driving uber, whatever it takes. I think it's unethical to stay in a relationship fo…

Realistically, where would you suggest finding support to get you out of this situation?

(I'm genuinely hopeful for an answer.)

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