Not sure why you are being downvoted. It may seem crass, but it is true. In the last 6-7 years I seem to have mentally and physically aged twice as much if not more. WE are still together but honestly, I don't think I can handle this much more to the point I'm getting depressed as well (suicide thoughts)
Is it worth it? Staying out of "obligation" or "guilt"?
Honestly, it isn't. But I'm waiting until I can sort somethings that are related to my kid so he doesn't have to suffer. After that, I think I'll be out, but until then, I need to 'put up' with it for his sake.
Not sure why you are being downvoted. It may seem crass, but it is true. In the last 6-7 years I seem to have mentally and physically aged twice as much if not more. WE are still together but honestly, I don't think I can handle this much more to the point I'm getting depressed as well (suicide thoughts)
> I don't think I can handle this much more to the point I'm getting depressed as well (suicide thoughts) I'd strongly suggest telling someone how you are feeling if you have not already. I've been there myself where my significant other was having physical health issues and I was just spent emotionally, physically and financially. That discussion with my spouse and family was a big turning point for all of us for th…
I have, for the first time in 5 years, yesterday I opened up to someone with all of this. People around me know she has 'problems' but not what I'm going through or how I feel. As for my wife, we've talked about this many times, but due to her illness, even if she tries to take the load off my back, it just doesn't work and things go back to 'normal' in a few days. I rather have this so-so state even though I'm in pain and exhausted, but at least my son doesn't suffer for it than put more responsibility on her so I can get better and have my son be the victim of it.
> I should have insisted on some therapy for myself as well Yes. So much this. I suffer from pretty serious anxiety. And just a few months ago I was fighting through the worst of it. Looking back at how much my wife was doing and how stressed she was... I feel like she could've benefitted from therapy almost more than me. I wish we as a culture can get over the therapy stereotypes. Both my kids see a therapist on a r…
My problem with "therapy" is that the word is woefully undefined. Sticking an ice pick up a person's nose, into their brain, and just moving the pick around has been counted as therapy.
God bless you both but I could never do this. Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult.
I was with someone like this for years in my 20s and it eventually became unbearable. At some level, "I have anxiety" starts to feel like an excuse, not that the person can control it exactly, but we all have the ability to tell which of the thoughts occur to us are good ones worth listening to and which aren't. I became resentful of how, for example, a nice vacation would be ruined over worrying about a lingering bill for $50 or whatever. It's really hard to be around someone like that long term and still feel like they make you happy and that your life is better with them in it, when it so clearly is materially not better. It's like all the color drains away from life and why bother doing fun stuff since it'll just get ruined anyway?
I have holes in a few of my clothes. Today I went to a shop selling needles/yarn/wool/.., so I could fix them. I arrived at the shop, was too anxious to enter and left again. Guess the holes will have to stay.
I have done something similar. Go to the mall because I need clothes, walk in the door, do a lap around the store, walk out and go home. I know it is ridiculous but in my head it just feels like everyone is watching me, judging me based on what I am looking at. So I just don't even look at anything. I know that isn't true when I'm sitting at home but the second I arrive the anxiety kicks into high gear. It is very frustrating sometimes. I've noticed that I don't seem to get so anxious when grocery shopping or shopping for something I know a little about. Clothing is just so out of my element that I feel like a fool and have a hard time relaxing.
God bless you both but I could never do this. Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult. I was with someone like this for years in my 20s and it eventually became unbearable. At some level, "I have anxiety" starts to feel like an excuse, not that the person can control it exactly, but we all have the ability to tell which of the thoughts occur to us are good ones worth liste…
> but we all have the ability to tell which of the thoughts occur to us are good ones worth listening to and which aren't
I can assure you, we don't - for some people this is not at all clear, and especially not without outside help.
I wonder if your wife ever tried medical marijuana? Many people use it to battle anxiety and in fact anxiety reduction is one of the effects, websites like Leafly rate cannabis strains in. Cannabis aids sleep, so this might also be some desired effect for your wife.
Search for anxiety in reddit.com/r/trees and you'll see the amount of people who think it helps them.
God bless you both but I could never do this. Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult. I was with someone like this for years in my 20s and it eventually became unbearable. At some level, "I have anxiety" starts to feel like an excuse, not that the person can control it exactly, but we all have the ability to tell which of the thoughts occur to us are good ones worth liste…
> but we all have the ability to tell which of the thoughts occur to us are good ones worth listening to and which aren't I can assure you, we don't - for some people this is not at all clear, and especially not without outside help.
Yeah, that is phrased poorly and I don't quite know how to put what I'm trying to say. But still I believe we know on some level when we are lying to ourselves. The tricky part is to work out why, and what we are attempting to protect ourselves from when we do it.
I say all this because I deal with these issues to some extent too. But I don't give myself the out of "well I have depression". I'm responsible for my actions and I only have my one life. If something I do or refuse to do doesn't make sense and is making my life worse, I think about why and how I can stop it. I've gotten a lot of help and therapy over the years. It's not easy but the alternative is a lot worse.
Thank you for writing this. When people talk about these issues it becomes easier and more acceptable to society and it helps lessen anxiety stigmas. As someone who suffers from anxiety and who regularly seeks therapy, I can say that the rituals that have helped me are: - Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass - Eating, sleeping, exercising, and practicing mindfulness go…
>One piece of advice I have for you is to not take on the role of mental health professional in your relationship. This isn't your problem and you can quickly tire yourself out.
This is precisely the opposite of what happened in the post in question. Cause of anxiety was wanting to live a lifestyle and not wanting to work a stressful job. Marriage and "permission" to quit solved the issue immediately. None of the therapy stuff did them any good, she didn't need therapy as soon as the underlying problem was identified and solved by them. No amount of sleeping, exercising or eating kale would have solved that.
> I should have insisted on some therapy for myself as well Yes. So much this. I suffer from pretty serious anxiety. And just a few months ago I was fighting through the worst of it. Looking back at how much my wife was doing and how stressed she was... I feel like she could've benefitted from therapy almost more than me. I wish we as a culture can get over the therapy stereotypes. Both my kids see a therapist on a r…
My problem with "therapy" is that the word is woefully undefined. Sticking an ice pick up a person's nose, into their brain, and just moving the pick around has been counted as therapy.