Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant? • Hacker News Board

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#71

Post by Lawtonfogle » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:41 PM UTC

CalRobert wrote: post #48

Lawtonfogle wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the same time, a single man has less options for having a baby than a single woman, thus there is still inequality in the risk.

I don't quite follow - you're saying it's easier for a woman to have a child than a man? From a purely biological perspective this seems backwards to me. A desirable man could conceivably produce many children over the course of nine months, while a woman can have only one pregnancy. Edit - I do recognize that in many species (humans included) females are more likely to reproduce than males. Given that the sorts of m…

A man cannot have a child by himself, he requires someone to be a surrogate mother, which is expensive, rare, and in many cases legally and ethically grey. A single woman can (due to certain medical procedures where the needed biological material is already in stock), and while a pregnancy is not cheap, there are no where near the significant legal and moral issues.

Of course either could adopt a child if they really wanted to. So really we need to determine are we comparing extremes to extremes, or are we comparing what actually happens in the population (and at what point do we disagree and thus need to begin supporting our ideas).

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#72

Post by st3v3r » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:42 PM UTC

rsmsky1 wrote: post #28

This is a serious question as a woman who has never been pregnant and perhaps not that knowledgable about pregnancies. Doesn't giving birth render you incapacitated for a certain period of time even if everything goes well and there's no guarantee after giving birth things will return to normal. Even in cases where one's life isn't at risk, there's a high risk of postpartum depression, etc. It seems very unfair to me…

Same thing could be caused by illness, physical injury, family issues, etc, etc.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#73

Post by avoidance123 » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:47 PM UTC

ksenzee wrote: post #26

xchip wrote: post #7

Any stress the mother suffers will be passed down to the baby... "There are some data to show that higher chronic stressors in women and poor coping skills to deal with those stressors may be associated with lower birth weight and with delivering earlier," says Ann Borders, MD, MPH, MSc. She is an OB/GYN in the obstetrics and gynecology department, Division of Maternal-Fetal Medicine, at Evanston Hospital, NorthShore…

That is the mother's concern. It is not remotely the concern of anyone she is doing business with.

These are societal and philosophical concerns. A child's physical development affects how they interact with society as they grow into adults. Should a pregnant woman be able to negatively affect her child's gestation because she can't wait three or six months to start a business? Additionally, should parents allow themselves to devote their attention to a startup over their children?

In my opinion: Things that only affect her (abortion included) - her business. Things that negatively affect anyone else - her children included - societal, varying on impact.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#74

Post by ksenzee » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:47 PM UTC

jkyle wrote: post #67

ksenzee wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It depends on the pregnancy and on the birth. Some women jump right up and get back into the swing of things. Most of us need recovery time. There is no safe assumption. Speaking of assumptions, there is no reason to assume a CEO mother would have a nursery at work. She might well have a stay-at-home spouse (I do) or a parent or nanny or any number of things.

> Some women jump right up and get back into the swing of things. Even 25 year olds in the shape of olympic champions take a week or so to be back in the full swing of things. The first few days are limited movement. A couple of weeks is more reasonable, particularly since two weeks of bonding is highly recommended (for both mother and father). Skin to skin! :) I'm not saying there isn't a woman out there, somewhere,…

Sorry, I should indeed have specified "jump right up" as "a few days of recovery." Thanks for clarifying.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#75

Post by mmcclure » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:48 PM UTC

> But just because they aren’t asking, it doesn’t mean the pregnancy isn’t foremost in their minds. It is almost worse left unaddressed.

> On a call last month, a male investor finally raised the issue of pregnancy

> After the call with the investor who questioned whether her pregnancy would affect her ability to close the round, Na’ama was stirred. She told me that this is the first time she felt what it is like to be a woman, rather than a person, in her interactions with investors.

This feels like it might be a reason (although I'm sure there are others) that investors don't bring it up. You talk about being uncomfortable with people not bringing it up, then someone does (in a way that didn't seem inappropriate based on what you wrote, but I could be misreading), and then it makes you uncomfortable that they asked. It feels like there's really no way to win from the investor side.

Na'ama sounds like she handled the question really well, which seems like a big win for her in an investor's eyes (at least the good ones). From your perspective, if she's got a great answer to the question, wouldn't you want an investor that asks you how this major, life changing event is going to affect your team? For the sake of conversation (since this is being had in other threads) let's assume that said investor would also ask a man that question if they knew his partner was about to have a child.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#76

Post by __abc » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:51 PM UTC

rayiner wrote: post #68

RyanZAG wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Would I invest in a startup with the founder about to have a baby? No. Either they will be dedicating a big part of their life in the near future to raising that baby correctly, or they will be ignoring that baby and leaving someone else to raise it. I find the second outcome even worse than the first, but I'm not going to invest in either. Now a man might be able to deceive me by simply not disclosing this while a w…

How much time does it take to "raise a baby correctly?" Parenting is heavily driven by cargo culting, old wives' tales, and conventional wisdom; but very little by actual data.

A metric major fuck ton.

If you truly want to be present and have an active role in your child's life, growth, development et al it's going to force your priorities to shuffle around.

If your "startup" is still a priority (but not above your child) you aren't going to be in the office from sun up to sun down. Period.

You'll have to make up those hours later (when the child is sleeping) however, in months 0-24, that's really tough as most children (at least not mine) didn't sleep well during that phase.

During those years, and for me it spanned 5 calendar years given multiple children, working late at night was a luxury, not an option I could plan on.

I however, disclosed that when taking a CTO position at a company that just wrapped up a ~$20 dollar round. It was transparent to them and set the right expectations.

I do acknowledge that a company in that stage albeit not out of the woods, is not in the same position in the seed, Series-A phase.

If you look in my comment history I gave a "day in the life of" for my schedule on how I manage running a startup and keeping my family, health, self priority #1, #2, and #3. It's buried in there somewhere.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#77

Post by cdmcmahon » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:52 PM UTC

grahamburger wrote: post #55

cdmcmahon wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So similarly, potential investors should screen all men to make sure they and their partner aren't expecting children anytime soon? This would maybe be a defensible* position if it were applied equally, but it's not. *But actually it's not really. In today's world, with varying family types and options for care, it is possible for people to have children and give their all to a company. For many (most?) people that i…

From the perspective of the VC, yeah, it seems unfair to screen based on that - but it also seems unfair to screen based on looks or personality or accent or whatever, all of which is (probably?) happening. From the perspective of the founder - obviously that's a personal choice. I personally wouldn't be looking to start a new venture and actively seek funding if my wife was pregnant, more than likely waiting it out…

Unconscious (and conscious) biases on looks and personality and looks certainly do happen but the specific issue with pregnancy is gendered discrimination[1]. And while I agree that personally I wouldn't want to start a company while with a partner who is expecting, I don't think our systems that enable founding a company should enforce that, especially when there's no indication that such a standard is applied equally between genders. I also believe that there are significantly better indicators of someone's ability/willingness to put in the extraordinary amount of time to build a company than whether they have/will have children because I and many others have worked under great people who build companies and have families.

[1]Actually, there's a strong argument that biases based on appearance produce gendered discrimination, but that's another issue.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#78

Post by dekhn » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:54 PM UTC

mgrennan wrote: post #9

This is a great question. It forces the greater question: Can you "Be Dedicated" and be more than one thing. Silicon valley seems to believe: You can't be a CEO and pregnant. You can't be a lead programmer and old (> 30). You can't love both Linux and Windows. You can't be Democrat and vote for a Republican. How did we become so decided.

I've seen counter examples- plenty- for all of these- in Silicon Valley. Marissa was a pregnant CEO as was Anne Wojicicki. There are plenty more, as well. I'm > 30 and most of the lead programmers at my company are > 30 (I was a lead, then stepped down to IC role) with families. I love Linux and Windows and love both; I know other people who are happy with both OSes. And while democrats can't vote in republican primaries, they can vote in elections for members of either party.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#79

Post by CalRobert » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 6:54 PM UTC

Lawtonfogle wrote: post #71

CalRobert wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't quite follow - you're saying it's easier for a woman to have a child than a man? From a purely biological perspective this seems backwards to me. A desirable man could conceivably produce many children over the course of nine months, while a woman can have only one pregnancy. Edit - I do recognize that in many species (humans included) females are more likely to reproduce than males. Given that the sorts of m…

A man cannot have a child by himself, he requires someone to be a surrogate mother, which is expensive, rare, and in many cases legally and ethically grey. A single woman can (due to certain medical procedures where the needed biological material is already in stock), and while a pregnancy is not cheap, there are no where near the significant legal and moral issues. Of course either could adopt a child if they really…

I see what you mean. I misinterpreted your original comment, thanks for clarifying.

Re: Can you fundraise in Silicon Valley while pregnant?

#80

Post by grahamburger » Fri, Mar 25, 2016, 7:04 PM UTC

cdmcmahon wrote: post #77

grahamburger wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From the perspective of the VC, yeah, it seems unfair to screen based on that - but it also seems unfair to screen based on looks or personality or accent or whatever, all of which is (probably?) happening. From the perspective of the founder - obviously that's a personal choice. I personally wouldn't be looking to start a new venture and actively seek funding if my wife was pregnant, more than likely waiting it out…

Unconscious (and conscious) biases on looks and personality and looks certainly do happen but the specific issue with pregnancy is gendered discrimination[1]. And while I agree that personally I wouldn't want to start a company while with a partner who is expecting, I don't think our systems that enable founding a company should enforce that, especially when there's no indication that such a standard is applied equal…

> I and many others have worked under great people who build companies and have families.

This is the part that I don't get and that I feel like a lot of comments on this thread are talking past each on. This isn't about just having a family (right?) it's about actively fund-raising while expecting a child. I would not only agree with that last point you made but go so far as so say that I strongly prefer to work for people who have children / families (or at least a respect for the institution of family) as I believe that makes them more empathetic and relate-able. That still doesn't mean it's a great idea to start a startup and raise funds while also expecting a child.

EDIT: FWIW I also don't think that our system should enforce this, whether it's a good idea or not, and yes it's absolutely unfair that it's gendered - or at least it's unfair that an expectant father is more able to hide the fact that he's expecting than a mother. I'm not sure that it's reasonable to expect a VC to ignore that once they know, though.