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When Are You Really an Adult?

theatlantic.com

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Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#71

Post by scott_s »

goodJobWalrus wrote: post #39
beccasanchez wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So stay at home house wives can never be adults?

As a woman, I think so. At the minimum, you need to make your own money to be independent, and independence is necessary to be an adult. I can't imagine feeling grown up, and at the same time asking my husband for some money each time I need to buy something. (Financial) dependance infantilizes a person. There is a reason why unemployment is depressing even if you have a roof over your head and food to eat.

I think that in a healthy relationship where one spouse stays home, there's no concept of asking for money. All resources are assumed to be shared, and discussions will of course happens about spending money, but not permission.

I agree that the scenario you're imagining sounds undesirable, but I don't think that's necessarily how one-spouse-stays-home must be.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#72

Post by [deleted] »

marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

[deleted]

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#73

Post by squozzer »

One possible marker of adulthood is achieving a goal after suffering a major setback. For instance, flunking out of college, then transferring elsewhere and obtaining a degree. Or along the same vein, seeing a difficult project through to the end, when everyone has bailed. Lest I sound too self-congratulatory, one could say I am too dumb to know when to quit.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#74

Post by samstave »

marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

What about when you are solely responsible for another person -- aka an infant?

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#75

Post by samstave »

rprospero wrote: post #20
marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

This is my personal definition as a sole bread-winner and father to three children and a stay-at-home-mother.

Now you know what stress is.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#76

Post by jomtung »

theoh wrote: post #68
marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

This is a very loaded perspective. Have you considered the possibility that it might be wrong, if not for you, for some people?

Then by his definition they would be considered 'childish' people.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#77

Post by [deleted] »

rprospero wrote: post #20
marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

[deleted]

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#78

Post by jdavis703 »

gglitch wrote: post #38
beccasanchez wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So stay at home house wives can never be adults?

Not the GP, but I imagine the more charitable interpretation is that s/he is referring to a level of psychological/emotional development, not to a specific fiscal arrangement. One can be an adult and as an adult arrange one's affairs in a way that increases one's dependence on someone else, but if one makes that decision from a studied, mature evaluation of the circumstances, knowing and accepting the risks thereof,…

In a sense this is the same dependency you have on a corporation and to some extent it's industry.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#80

Post by ap3 »

dizzystar wrote: post #69
ergothus wrote: post #12

I'm approaching 40. I've never been "aimless", and while I can definitely increase how often I take responsibility, I'm doing well. I own a house, am married, taking care of my mother, employed, socking money away in a 401k (probably not fast enough, but it's happening). ...and I've never felt like an adult. I can have the weird dichotomy of having friends young enough to have missed everything I relate to my childho…

I was talking to a coworker about this. She is 26 and I said "you honestly don't change, like ever." Granted, I skipped the part about changes that are surprising, but mentally, we are who we are and that feeling of youth never really left me (nearing 40). I think that there is only two phases. The day you stop reinventing yourself and exploring possibilities, allow yourself to live in a rut, spend more time in front…

Feel the same way here (about mentally being the same person)

I look at my 90 grandmother and think 'damn she still sees herself as 19 too'

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