Talking to strangers at the gym • Hacker News Board

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#691

Post by nephihaha » Tue, May 05, 2026, 9:08 AM UTC

Silamoth wrote: post #405

StevePerkins wrote: post #386

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That would be quite a feat, given that Mr. Carnegie was born in the 1800's and died over 70 years ago. I'm convinced that 99% of the people who criticize or even just talk about that book have never actually read it, and have zero idea what they're talking about. It's just in that Ayn Rand bucket of books that people talk about, because they see other people getting likes and upvotes for it.

Ayn Rand was a pretty terrible person. But you’re right that there are some interesting ideas in her books. Howard Roark in The Fountainhead is exceedingly interesting as a person living genuinely without much regard for societal norms and expectations. There’s some weird stuff in that book, but Howard Roark is very interesting. A trimmed down version of The Fountainhead would be much better received, I think. (It’s…

Ayn Rand was never the type to submit to heavy editing. There is a better novel hiding in there to be sure.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#692

Post by ricardo_lien » Tue, May 05, 2026, 9:10 AM UTC

Aurornis wrote: post #204

outime wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Respectfully, I think you're looking at this from a bad angle. You wouldn't go up to someone in the middle of a set, wearing headphones, and ask them to stop what they're doing to help you. Instead, you find someone who's finishing a set/exercise and politely say something like "hey, I'd like to try this exercise and you seem to know it well, would you mind taking a moment to give me a hand?". I've personally done th…

I’m typing this comment from the gym, actually. I’m on the friendlier end of the spectrum and really don’t mind helping out when someone could use some actual help. Giving a quick spot or a quick exchange of advice is common. What I don’t enjoy is when someone ropes me into doing something for them when it becomes clear that they had other intentions for the request. It’s the ulterior motive part that can have the op…

Totally agree, if someone have other intentions for the request, it will make the other person feel like it's dishonest so the conversation usually doesn't go far.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#693

Post by Invictus0 » Tue, May 05, 2026, 9:15 AM UTC

Crazy that this basically inept attempt at making friends still got so much attention on HN lol

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#694

Post by maxglute » Tue, May 05, 2026, 9:32 AM UTC

On flip side had switch gyms to be among strangers becomes turning on gym socialization really tanked my training.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#695

Post by konschubert » Tue, May 05, 2026, 9:40 AM UTC

> do your hobby with other people, frequently

I think this advice can be refined.

The goal is to meet people with shared interests, regularly.

You may like to work out, but unless you enjoy talking and thinking about working out, the gym isn't the right place!

You may like to hike, but you may not enjoy talking and thinking about hiking. You may still find friends in the hiking group, because as you spend time together you discover shared interests. But you may also discover that you have very little in common with the people who like hiking.

That's why it's so easy to make friends in University: You spend a lot of time together AND you have a shared interest: The major you all chose!

On the other hand, if you're into ... trains... you need to find places where people go that like to talk and think about trains! That's not always easy!

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#696

Post by ZpJuUuNaQ5 » Tue, May 05, 2026, 9:42 AM UTC

brushfoot wrote: post #47

Wonderful! There's a lot of advice online about how essentially evil it is to talk to strangers: They're busy, they have headphones in, they might think you're hitting on them (God forbid; nothing could be more evil than attraction). Ignore it. It often as not boils down to fear and neuroticism from terminally online introverts (and sometimes plain old misanthropists) raised in a hyper-individualist culture and glued…

I have never met anyone on the street who wasn't mentally ill or tried to sell me something. Types like this ignore your brief answers, facial expressions and body language, and continue to yap on. Honestly, I cannot imagine a single situation where a random interaction with a stranger on the street would be a positive experience. No, I do not strive for you to "reach out", on the contrary, I avoid you like a rotting carcass of a pigeon.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#697

Post by konschubert » Tue, May 05, 2026, 9:43 AM UTC

alexmuresan wrote: post #98

mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

> that teaches you how to manipulate people

Well, it's called "... and influence people", so I see where you were coming from in your assumption.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#698

Post by lotsofpulp » Tue, May 05, 2026, 10:02 AM UTC

komali2 wrote: post #393

chasd00 wrote: post #272

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If Books Could Kill did an episode on How to Win Friends and Influence People, it's an interesting listen. iirc the book was written by someone documenting what they learned while breaking into high society or some other class they were not a part of. So it's not so much about manipulating people but more about stroking egos and being as agreeable as possible to avoid any conflict. The podcasters make the point that…

Huh, having read the book and about Dale Carnegie, I completely disagree with that take. There's plenty of stories where he does the opposite of avoiding conflict and faces it straight on - such as when he just ignores a cop's random order for him to keep his dog on a leash at the park.

Cop’s telling someone to follow the law is the opposite of random.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#699

Post by ykonstant » Tue, May 05, 2026, 10:04 AM UTC

gravatron wrote: post #428

rimliu wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do people think that intruding into somebody's personal space is OK.

This comment section really enforces the stereotypes everyone has of you guys, just safe-space seeking, maladjusted weaklings who play victim as a badge of honor.

I don't have a stake in this thread, but I am stealing "maladjusted weaklings" (≧▽≦)

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#700

Post by grvdrm » Tue, May 05, 2026, 10:05 AM UTC

nunez wrote: post #639

grvdrm wrote: post #366

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Easy one: you are about to lift something and need a spot. "Hi, can I ask you for a spot?" - hard to argue w/premise of ask and many people would be happy to assist you and see you achieve whatever goal you have for that lift.

i don't ever ask for a spot (and use safety bars instead) because i'm trying to leave the gym as quickly as i can and don't want an unknown-length conversation getting in the way

To each their own - I think you're missing out.

I do both. But why I like a spotter: someone to coax another rep (or two) out of you. I'll coach them on that point in advance, too.