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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#671

Post by scoofy »

amelius wrote: post #392
scoofy wrote: post #316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea, I loved the relationships in NYC, just not the grind. Everyone was trying to "make it" everything was expensive while at the same time there is garbage juice on the street in 90º heat. I'd go see my friends shows, but never got on the list because they had to get paying customers to get invited back. Tough living, and that's not even saying anything about trying to be a cyclist in the city. I've lived in SF for…

Americans will probably never admit it but they are really bad at urban planning.

I mean... it's pretty objectively obvious. We have the right tools and expertise, it's just that our electorate can't see the walkable city past losing their free street parking for their third car.

It's always, "but I want at train to exist and not have to change anything about the way I live my life."

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#672

Post by b3ing »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #179
nswizzle31 wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're definitely on to something. Although early 30s doesn't seem so old, the intense nostalgia of college has definitely waned. I would say I'm more grappling with the reality that it really won't ever again feel like that. I know it's true from a time perspective... I'm married and have a full-time job. But I figured I couldn't let the dream die that easily :) Do you really develop lasting friendships on the cours…

> Do you really develop lasting friendships on the course or in rec league sports? I just haven't had that experience and the popularity of those activities is sky rocketing (see: running clubs) while the problem doesn't seem to be getting any better. When I did rec league sports most of the guys were there to meet women There wasn't a men's only league

That’s what I notice with a lot of meetups, etc. guys don’t even want to talk to other guys, they gotta talk to women only, personally I’ll talk to whoever

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#673

Post by protocolture »

gambiting wrote: post #234
protocolture wrote: post #226

[flagged]

>>I am literally batting social opportunities away due to lack of time and resources. That is exactly what the "male loneliness epidemic" is though, no? I don't know what definition you are using, but to me it's definitely the fact that we just don't have the time to go out and be social among other things, not that there aren't opportunities in the first place.

>That is exactly what the "male loneliness epidemic" is though

If thats the case, then why does one more social club resolve the issue?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#674

Post by unethical_ban »

rchaud wrote: post #73
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

> Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today. You just described a country club, right down to the innate classism and exclusivity rules.

It sounds great.

Like a bar, but you know that if they're there, they know a few people and aren't crazy.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#675

Post by lambdaphagy »

tayo42 wrote: post #515
lambdaphagy wrote: post #317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Practically every culture on earth (except ours as of 10 minutes ago) had some sort of place for single-sex bonding, which suggests there’s something important to it. Traditional cultures aren’t incel, to the contrary it’s only in modern cultures that mass-scale failures of relations between the sexes seem to arise. As for bjj, the scenario of the instructor dating a female student and breaking up the gym in the ensu…

Every culture that treated women equally? Or were there male only spaces because women were seen at 2nd (or 3rd tier people, below the pets?) I trained at a gym where that scenario happened, people were already leaving because the teacher was an ass in general, played favorites with the male students and created at cliquey environment. There really isn't anything women can't handle in front of men. Thinking you have…

No culture treats men and women equally-- they differ in how they treat men and women differently. Just today in my progressive coastal startup, for example, there was a proposal to set up a dedicated ERG for the women employees. In a company where people are routinely pulling 60-80 hour weeks, it was considered a plausible priority to take time aside to especially ensure that the women were feeling comfortable.

Whether or not this proposal is a good idea is not even the point: the point is that it was considered plausible, and hence that not even coastal progressives actually think it desirable to treat men and women equally.

I'm not making any claims about what anyone can or can't handle. I'm simply observing that just about every mixed group ends up adopting female norms of communication. I'm not even saying that's necessarily a bad thing for a mixed group, I think it's to some extent natural and healthy in social settings. In fact taboos that proscribe the ways men may speak in the presence of women are also quite common cross-culturally. But the fact that there is a difference remains.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#676

Post by beAbU »

jamesdeluk wrote: post #232
JimDabell wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

Why didn't they start Women's Sheds?

Ireland has women's sheds I believe

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#678

Post by gambiting »

protocolture wrote: post #673
gambiting wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>>I am literally batting social opportunities away due to lack of time and resources. That is exactly what the "male loneliness epidemic" is though, no? I don't know what definition you are using, but to me it's definitely the fact that we just don't have the time to go out and be social among other things, not that there aren't opportunities in the first place.

>That is exactly what the "male loneliness epidemic" is though If thats the case, then why does one more social club resolve the issue?

It doesn't.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#680

Post by AllegedAlec »

mrguyorama wrote: post #576
wvh wrote: post #332

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't disagree, but some hard things don't get said when the other gender is around, especially with men of a certain age. It takes a lot for many men to even out loud say the word "lonely" or "sad" or "worthless". A lot of male conversation is silent. The whole spiel is to project and feel capable of dealing with the world, to feel useful, to be a Man. To feel otherwise is not "masculine". To admit this to mixed com…

>A lot of male conversation is silent. No it isn't! Men need to talk about their feelings just as much as women! There isn't some major difference in how we handle emotions! We are all human, and humans are emotional creatures. So many men need to Grow the Fuck Up and realize that being vulnerable is not the same as being weak. You need to be talking to your friends or confidants about your feelings. >To feel otherwi…

> No it isn't! Men need to talk about their feelings just as much as women! There isn't some major difference in how we handle emotions!

Yes there is. It isn't some societal thing either. It's ingrained deeply in biology. Saying men just need to be like women is asking them to go against their nature.

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