The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness • Hacker News Board

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#671

Post by quickthrower2 » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:12 PM UTC

blfr wrote: post #642

SiVal wrote: post #604

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In much of "flyover country", Americans routinely greet, chat with, and interact with strangers in public. Ironically, it's one of the American traits often criticized by Europeans. "How rude, how intrusive, to invade my private bubble." But then, the UK has a similar phenomenon, with sophisticated Londoners making the same complaints about England's own flyover country, "the North" [1] [1] https://www.youtube.com/wa…

Yes, it's a big city behaviour more than first world behaviour.

It the UK it's a north / south divide, nothing to do with urban vs. rural. Disclaimer: Unfriendly southerner here. Also no idea if this is still true in 2019.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#672

Post by lentil_soup » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:13 PM UTC

pault wrote: post #575

DowsingSpoon wrote: post #541

The term “third world” does not mean something like “third rate.” The first world is the Western bloc, under the influence of the USA. The second world is the Eastern bloc, under the influence of the USSR. The third world is everyone else. I think we should stop using these terms.

I agree those terms are antiquated, and I suggest "developed" and "developing" instead.

I think developed and developing is also strange. It implies an universal direction countries have to follow where reality is way more complex. We should instead stop trying to simplify countries and segregating them into categories.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#673

Post by 100100010001 » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:13 PM UTC

jdcro wrote: post #646

owldimoon wrote: post #614

Earlier quoted context omitted.

just because you think a term should be used one way or another doesn't mean your opinion is at all valuable. it's more useful to go with the wave of society rather than trying to imbue change on an obscure web forum.

His opinion is valuable, just as much as yours. Don't be an ass. And he happens to be correct, so it's probably more valuable.

How so?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#674

Post by robocat » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:14 PM UTC

simmanian wrote: post #654

paganel wrote: post #644

> Especially now that Uber has a STFU option I never understood why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride. I once was in a very rough spot in my life and talking with taxi-drivers almost daily about the most trivial stuff (weather, politics, traffic) used to give me a very healthy reprieve from the black thoughts I used to have.

Being silent in the absence of anything noteworthy to talk about is exactly the healthy reprieve some people are looking for. I personally find it absolutely taxing to talk about the weather or the traffic because I just don't enjoy talking for the sake of talking and I shouldn't be pressured to meet an arbitrary social expectation I have no interest in.

For that case, perhaps there should be an option to tick as you order the Uber.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#675

Post by the_common_man » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:15 PM UTC

subpixel wrote: post #621

sakopov wrote: post #514

Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with my parents. Both of my parents were engineers and both were paid about once a year by their employer because nobody had any money. So we were broke and poor my entire childhood. And yet we always had friends visiting us. There were always celebrations. Seemed…

> i'd give up everything i have now to simply enjoy humanity for a change. Everything but security which, unfortunately, is worth giving up a lot of other things to have. I'd move to my wife's home country tomorrow if we could live without fear of our child being kidnapped. My wife's uncle was kidnapped and murdered, another aunt and cousins bound in their home by robbers, and another cousin held for a day by a group…

> I'd move to my wife's home country tomorrow if we could live without fear of our child being kidnapped

Not comparing it with your wife's country (especially since you said people got murdered), but in the bay area, you won't find kids walking alone anywhere. Despite being one of the safest places in the US, parents and society overall is paranoid. They have traded group safety for individual safety.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#676

Post by mieseratte » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:19 PM UTC

secabeen wrote: post #530

sakopov wrote: post #514

Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with my parents. Both of my parents were engineers and both were paid about once a year by their employer because nobody had any money. So we were broke and poor my entire childhood. And yet we always had friends visiting us. There were always celebrations. Seemed…

“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” ― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Pleasantly surprised to see this.

Grew up alongside a large family with an almost annual high school graduation party. That book was a cornerstone of the event, read aloud and a copy given to each graduate.

Never really "got it" until just now. Makes me wish I'd read his books a kid.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#677

Post by cwp » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:20 PM UTC

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.) It wasn't all fun or even pleasant, but I wasn't lonely anymore.

The internet was just getting started then, so that experiment might work out differently now, but it's worth considering how much of our modern isolation is just a matter of choices.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#678

Post by refurb » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:21 PM UTC

segmondy wrote: post #319

sdegutis wrote: post #264

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know two sisters who each got married. The older one practiced worldly prudence, courted during high school, got engaged at beginning of college, and waited almost a decade until after her fiancé graduated before they got married and started to have children. But now he can't get a job with his degree (pharmacist), she works at some retail job as a manager, and the whole family lives with her parents. He's in >$100…

Where is this? There's no where in the US where you can't get a job as a pharmacist. No where. Retails are needed very much so, you have to stand and it pays really freaking well, except it's hard to cross over into other types. Again, in the USA, in any state in this country, working full time, at the very worse, you will make $90k/yr as a pharmacist.

It's changed. Check out r/pharmacy.

Getting a PharmD used to be a golden ticket. Then a ton of schools opened up and flooded the market. Wages are actually on the way down and from what I've heard, the retail jobs really suck.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#679

Post by 100100010001 » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:21 PM UTC

basementcat wrote: post #584

hi5eyes wrote: post #553

Earlier quoted context omitted.

its definitely fucking weird to randomly strike up a convo with a random at a bus station, fuck are you on?

Random convos at bus stations are the best convos. Especially if the bus is late and the wifi/cellular service is lousy.

Better than deep conversations with friends whom you care about?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#680

Post by enraged_camel » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 10:22 PM UTC

SiVal wrote: post #604

blfr wrote: post #549

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You, too, can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't have to feel weird. It is, however, likely to be short because people are so unused to it in the atomized west that, if you don't carry the whole conversation, they simply won't know what to say.

In much of "flyover country", Americans routinely greet, chat with, and interact with strangers in public. Ironically, it's one of the American traits often criticized by Europeans. "How rude, how intrusive, to invade my private bubble." But then, the UK has a similar phenomenon, with sophisticated Londoners making the same complaints about England's own flyover country, "the North" [1] [1] https://www.youtube.com/wa…

>>In much of "flyover country", Americans routinely greet, chat with, and interact with strangers in public.

I’ve had the opposite experience. Strangers routinely strike up conversations with me when I’m in New York, Boston, Chicago. Last time I was waiting for a friend at a bar, and there was baseball on TV. Some old man sitting next to me turned to me and started telling me about the time he got something signed by Babe Ruth. As a foreigner I’m totally used to it of course, but I’m also cognizant of the fact that it is out of the ordinary in American standards.