"Lighten up"

I have to disagree. I've had to manage a team of around 40 people who compete nationally (not tech per se, but I believe the same applies in a work place), and it only takes one person with the behaviour you describe to completely wreck how everyone operates and gets along.

We went from a tight knit, supportive group to being watchful of what we say, wondering who's out to get us and generally having to "watch our backs". Loyalties were split, motives were changed and within a matter of weeks it was an incredibly poisonous atmosphere.

If you want to get ahead - be better than those you're competing against. Don't try to undermine them, it does get noticed and unfortunately - for a small personal gain you're causing a hell lot more damage without even realising.

Honestly speaking I am surprised by the quantity of comments, especially the ones on sexism and similar stuff (how to dress, what to cook, etc). Usually, this is an indicator of one big underlying problem, therefore I assume that it is a problem in the US.

At least, this is how the author positions the situation and her individual case.

But..... in reality, at least based on what I observed in the multinational companies, where I worked, such behavior usually surfaces in three cases.

(1) The person does not understand how organizational dynamics and people/power play works, i.e. does not know the rules of the game.

(2) The person is not a good performer, or at least this is how colleagues perceive her or (for god sake) him.

(3) The corporate environment and culture OR the boss are negative - in this case most employees are treated like that.

Based on my personal experience:-

In case of (3) the best advice is to run - find another company that would value this particular individual strengths. There are plenty of companies out there. The life is not worth it to spend it on converting jerks to mother Theresa.

In case of (2) the best advice is to "make yourself so good, that they can't ignore you" [I do not recall that exact wording]. I seriously doubt that a valuable employee [i.e. she/he is the only one who can fix things with positive/negative impact on P&L] would be mistreated. In case she would be, than probably this is the case (3) - the company/boss does not understand the employee's value ---> same advice as above - run. I recall two cases - female HR assistant and male Director of Strategy. The former was just dumb, and the latter was bullshitting his way around. In both cases gender had nothing to do with the fact that both had nothing to bring to the table. So the consensus of high-producing crowd (both female and male) was unanimous.

Usually, if a person is an excellent performer, these things (negative comments, stupid microtasks, etc) just do not appear or do not stick.

In case of (1) the best advice is to find a mentor (gender not relevant), who could teach or coach on how to behave oneself in a group or organization, so called organizational behavior or simply politics. It is difficult to summarize it, but the goal is to learn how to diffuse negative behavior towards you with humor, words or actions immediately at the point of action in such a way that everybody present would think that the one who initiated negative behavior is a jerk (or dumb, or idiot, or an asshole) without you calling names.

For example a comment from colleague

can be rubuffed with

"Oop, John's got his socks smelling today! I know where I shall not be sitting" or smth similar with a big smile.

The simple view and approach is to perceive such people as programs with bugs. To resolve the bug you need to understand how the whole piece is working and what's inside. Therefore, you need to understand each individual, what's inside, what are the bugs and how to approach/address them. Each one is unique and shall be dealt with as such.

Another approach is to start with yourself - how you perceive yourself and own self-confidence.

I agree with OneBytePerGreen that the author shall "lighten up". I do not recall the exact term, but the author perceives that the external environment is what controls her behavior and outcomes. Such view does not faciliate personal growth, or any growth per se. The only way to change is to understand simple fact that behavior of others is defined by your own behavior and start with yourself, because that's the only one a human being can change.

On a side note I especially disagree with one of the comments:

Acting like that is keeping the real issue under the table and unresolved. The real issue is the person's view of the world and lack of knowledge and understanding of how things work in life. A good boss or co-worker would teach or coach the person how to to deal with that.

Apologies for my English and, possibly, tone. My first real post on NH, so I might have missed some 'untold' rules.

I completely agree, such behavior is not gender related. But males are trending higher, usually because the percentage of male bosses is higher. Social status and power tend to release some inner devils.

Also agree about side comments - it is not easy to stop those. That's why it is important to understand each of those individuals and find a way to deal with each one. No need to be a hardass to the person, just need to punish specific actions.

I don't think that the examples given in the blog post are examples of a "hair trigger." For one, it's repeated behavior; even a small annoyance is worse when repeated for years.

If I were one of her male coworkers, and I had to watch that kind of behavior continually, I would quit. I want my coworkers to be able to do their jobs without being tormented.

Also, I think you're missing the distinction between sexual jokes and sexist jokes. There are plenty of funny sexual jokes. There are even plenty of sexist jokes that the joke-teller finds funny. That opinion is not shared by the butt of the joke, and that makes them crappy jokes.

You're probably right. I tried to get a positive message across (i.e. 'Embrace your femininity to your advantage.')

I ended up sounding vindictive though, probably because I am at some level.

It's hard to publicly talk about this and even harder to find the right constructive tone between the indignation, anger and resentment that (for me) have accompanied my non-standard gender identity.

And even though I don't know what to make of the large number of downvotes, I'm still glad I tried. :)