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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#631

Post by nunez »

planet36 wrote: post #131
nozzlegear wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

And "Remember their name".

If I'm trying to remember someone's name, I'll say it at the end of interactions more often than I normally would and make some kind of memory device out of it. If it's someone at a place I frequent, I'll add a location based reminder. It's a little much, but I've found that people, more often than not, do like being called by their names.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#632

Post by altmanaltman »

salynchnew wrote: post #349
nozzlegear wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

If Books Could Kill (which is notoriously against self-help books) did an episode on Dale Carnegie. Even they said that he seemed to be a pretty alright guy who was genuinely nice to people in his personal life, not just in his public persona.

Did they review the original text of the 1930s book that captures the intent of the writer or the scrubbed latest version which washes away the sexist, racist and problematic text written by the original author?

He was as nice as they can be for a white man living in 1930. Good for fellow white men, not good for anybody female or a different skin tone.

But the book has been changed over time to make it seem like he was always an "pretty alright guy"

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#633

Post by nunez »

sanswork wrote: post #389
GolfPopper wrote: post #384

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone with very similar issues with names, how did you start remembering names?

I have a list in reminders called names so when someone tells me their name as soon as I can use my phone without it being impolite I open it up and add a quick note with the names. - neighbour watering lawn Jack, wife Gemma, daughter Jane Then I try to remember it later in the day and confirm with the note. I do that the next couple days and it's locked in and I can delete the note.

exactly this, but with geofenced reminders so that i'm quizzed into remembering them.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#634

Post by altmanaltman »

JohnBooty wrote: post #619
Titan2189 wrote: post #600

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've only heard of the Red Pill in reference to the Matrix. Does it have that idea from "The Prince"?

No, The Prince is very literal. Inspiration for the red pill (which represents choosing knowledge, however ugly, over pleasant ignorance) would be more like... the apple in the Garden of Eden. Or the Allegory of the Cave maybe. Or Alice in Wonderland (which Morpheus directly mentions in the Matrix) Redpillers latched onto that red pill imagery because they view themselves as, you know, having the best grasp on realit…

I think the red pill is a direct reference to the matrix. Its kind of weird they have such degratory views on sex and gender, given the directors of their favorite movie they cant stop talking about.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#635

Post by nunez »

silisili wrote: post #540
TheAtomic wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My father gave me this book when I was 12 or 13. It unlocked everything, sort of permission for my teen self to put himself out there. Years later, I've made friends all over the world, some have been in my life for more than 3 decades now, and I continue to make new ones basically by initiating a lot of conversations. I look for something to naturally lean into to start with. For example, I saw a guy in the coffee p…

> The other thing I do is keep it soft focused on them, 100%, until they ask me about me. This is the big one. People like to talk about themselves, and often use others' stories to segue it into something about themselves. I realized at some point if you can avoid doing that, and instead commit yourself to investing in a person's story - ask questions, make comments, etc, they'll think the world of you and often won…

One of us! I actively avoid talking about myself until asked. (I'm usually not.) Most people love being the center of attention.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#636

Post by JohnBooty »

tigen wrote: post #348
SoftTalker wrote: post #275

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's quite clearly the second part of the title. If it was just "How to Win Friends" it might be something more people don't dismiss just based on the title. "... and Influence People" makes it sound like that's the purpose of befriending someone, i.e. getting them to do what you want, or to do something for you.

It seems to be a rather brilliant piece of marketing to put that phrase in the title. It raises curiosity in a way that a generic "make friends" does not. (The "win" is a subtle move also.) Once the readers are drawn in, whether from base or nobler instincts, the book can try to influence its readers into being nice. Only trouble is that it may push away those who are "already nice" enough to feel bad about manipulat…

Truthfully (IIRC) the book is more about "Influencing People" than "Making Friends." But, it's about doing it in a genuine way.

I think it's puzzling that so many people here attach such a negative connotation to "influencing." I mean, my partner made me really hungry tonight when they cooked dinner and it smelled great. It influenced me. MLK influenced people. Etc. etc.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#637

Post by JohnBooty »

altmanaltman wrote: post #634
JohnBooty wrote: post #619

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, The Prince is very literal. Inspiration for the red pill (which represents choosing knowledge, however ugly, over pleasant ignorance) would be more like... the apple in the Garden of Eden. Or the Allegory of the Cave maybe. Or Alice in Wonderland (which Morpheus directly mentions in the Matrix) Redpillers latched onto that red pill imagery because they view themselves as, you know, having the best grasp on realit…

I think the red pill is a direct reference to the matrix. Its kind of weird they have such degratory views on sex and gender, given the directors of their favorite movie they cant stop talking about.

For sure, the red pill is a direct reference to the Matrix. I think previous poster was asking if the Matrix took that idea from somewhere.

    Its kind of weird they have such degratory views on sex and 
    gender, given the directors of their favorite movie they 
    cant stop talking about.
Yeah. I think the connection they see is that the reality Neo chose to confront (a humankind enslaved by machines) was unpleasant, and the redpill gang knows their version of reality is very ugly as well.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#639

Post by nunez »

grvdrm wrote: post #366
outime wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Respectfully, I think you're looking at this from a bad angle. You wouldn't go up to someone in the middle of a set, wearing headphones, and ask them to stop what they're doing to help you. Instead, you find someone who's finishing a set/exercise and politely say something like "hey, I'd like to try this exercise and you seem to know it well, would you mind taking a moment to give me a hand?". I've personally done th…

Easy one: you are about to lift something and need a spot. "Hi, can I ask you for a spot?" - hard to argue w/premise of ask and many people would be happy to assist you and see you achieve whatever goal you have for that lift.

i don't ever ask for a spot (and use safety bars instead) because i'm trying to leave the gym as quickly as i can and don't want an unknown-length conversation getting in the way
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