Earlier quoted context omitted.
Are you implying that rape occurs because someone’s parents didn’t tell them not to or that they would not rape if their parents HAD told them not to do it?
I can play devils advocate a bit on this topic, because sadly there's no real "rules" for being a parent other than "don't let your kid die". I am lucky to have a mother who never hid the harsher realities of life from me; She taught me how to understand what "no" means, because it's easy for horny young boys growing up to hear "no" as "No, I want you to try harder" or "No, I am a good girl and I do not want to look…
My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
631–640 of 779 posts
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#632Earlier quoted context omitted.
+1 but especially our boys. Girls and women already learn so much about how to avoid being harmed by men. It’s time for our boys to learn how to become kind men - and for those of us who are men to model that for them.
Not to mention that boys, small boys in particular are frequent targets of abuse. At certain ages even more than girls. And an abused boy could well become an abuser in the future. Sad but true
To expand on this the two reasons for this myth are abusers tend to lie about their childhoods to gain sympathy. And basically there are a bunch of confounds that both increase the likelihood you will be abused and that you will be an abuser but there's no real causation.
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#633Earlier quoted context omitted.
It seems like everyone is equal, until everyone is drunk, then the women need to be treated like children and protected. Which is the very thing feminism was fighting AGAINST - having men make decisions for you. Then we blame men, say they need to do better. That seems ridiculous.
> then the women need to be treated like children and protected. Mate, no. This applies to men, women, nonbinary folks, non-human animals, etc. Literally any living thing. If you don't consent, anyone having sex with you is wrong. It's wrong if a man tries to have sex with a drunk, non-consenting person, and it's wrong if a women tries to have sex with a drunk, non-consenting person. This is the _opposite_ of making…
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#634Earlier quoted context omitted.
"What if a bunch of your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends got together and decided to ruin your life with accusations?" This just pretty much does not happen without reason, and I think it is safe to say that if it did, you are probably a terrible person.
Similar happened to me. I dated a woman whose step sister was dating my 2nd cousin (no genetic interbreeding). At some point we had a falling out about her infidelity, but her emotional sway with both her family and mine were more supportive of her story. At first it was just "it didn't work out" but as time passed she decided, for reasons I don't know or understand, that I needed to be punished. She invented several…
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#635Earlier quoted context omitted.
How are these numbers even measurable? > Less than 1% of rapes lead to felony convictions We can measure the numerator here: it’s the number of felony rape convictions. But how do we measure the denominator? In some rape trials, the central question of fact is whether a rape occurred at all, or if the sexual encounter was consensual. If a rape trial leads to acquittal based on reasonable doubt over that question, is…
jfengel's comment was all about how the very high bar the criminal justice system sets for arrests/prosecutions/convictions for sexual assault is not the appropriate bar for the community to use to keep itself safe. So the low conviction rate is not helping you here.
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#636Earlier quoted context omitted.
>You absolutely can be told you consented, and trust that person's word, and realize later that no, actually you had not. It's just convenient for the abuser for you to believe you had. There has to be a line drawn somewhere when you start talking about hardcore felony level criminal accusations though. Should anyone who's ever had an (at the time) consensual intimate encounter then have cart blanche to hold accusati…
To be clear, that guy held several positions of power over her. Even in the most absolutely charitable reading, which is that this is a bad relationship (a reading I strongly disagree with) -- if you hold significant power over someone, you shouldn't be entering into casual sexual relationships. If you want to pursue that relationship, it can be done, but not carelessly. This isn't a situation where a one night stand…
I think this situation is stretching the word "power". There's a social power imbalance, sure - but nobody acts shocked when sports figures and rock stars sleep with groupies. Hell, they write autobiographies. We don't live in a caste system where people with X popularity can only sleep with other Xers.
She didn't work for the guy nor did her career or finances depend on him. He wasn't a VC lording (someone else's) money over her. She was a naive young adult new in town and the guy was an (extremely) minor celebrity. People have hooked up for far worse reasons. If the guy was simply a better date we wouldn't be talking about this.
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#637Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm curious if you or anyone else can share more detail or some examples regarding cross-cultural differences in societal expectations. I've got some guesses about what this might mean, but I haven't studied this, and don't have any personal experience here.
A fairly obvious one: If you are from a culture where sex before marriage is permissible and you are a woman, men from cultures where women are expected to remain virgins until the wedding night may see you as "a loose woman." In such cases, they may even feel entitled to have you and get very mad if you try to tell them no. People from very conservative cultures tend to wildly misinterpret the actions of women from…
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#638Earlier quoted context omitted.
How are these numbers even measurable? > Less than 1% of rapes lead to felony convictions We can measure the numerator here: it’s the number of felony rape convictions. But how do we measure the denominator? In some rape trials, the central question of fact is whether a rape occurred at all, or if the sexual encounter was consensual. If a rape trial leads to acquittal based on reasonable doubt over that question, is…
jfengel's comment was all about how the very high bar the criminal justice system sets for arrests/prosecutions/convictions for sexual assault is not the appropriate bar for the community to use to keep itself safe. So the low conviction rate is not helping you here.
Surely, there is a much lower burden of proof for this statistical methodology deciding that a rape occurred than there is for a court of law to determine that a particular rapist is guilty of rape. By what standard do you jump to the conclusion that the criminal justice system should lower the necessary burden of proof to incarcerate someone, and not that this statistical methodology should perhaps raise the burden of proof it requires? To be blunt, do you seriously think the American criminal justice system doesn’t incarcerate enough people?
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#639Earlier quoted context omitted.
>2-8% of rape complaints are false Complaints is the key here. Obviously, we can't say much about the incidents that don't go reported. If one looks at the conviction rate for rape complaints it's around 2%. So if we take the lower estimate for false complaints, it still means that only 4% of cases are provable one way or the other, and that those which are have a 50/50 chance of being true or false complaints. (I'm…
"only 4% of cases are provable one way or the other, and that those which are have a 50/50 chance of being true or false complaints." Not prosecuted != not provable. Not provable != false.
Fair enough. Only 4% are known to be provable.
>Not provable != false
I neither claimed nor implied this. My point could be summed up as not provable != true.
Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community
#640Earlier quoted context omitted.
A fairly obvious one: If you are from a culture where sex before marriage is permissible and you are a woman, men from cultures where women are expected to remain virgins until the wedding night may see you as "a loose woman." In such cases, they may even feel entitled to have you and get very mad if you try to tell them no. People from very conservative cultures tend to wildly misinterpret the actions of women from…
I hadn't thought about this before but it seems to ring true. Even in the U.S. this spectrum exists. There are women who expect explicit consent i.e. "is it ok if I kiss you?", and other women who find that a turn off and expect more sexual assertiveness (aggressiveness?).
You don't have to be different nationalities to experience cross cultural misunderstandings. Americans come in a variety of religious persuasions, ethnicities, etc.