Why I Tried To Kill Myself at Penn

> I find this sentiment alarming.

It's not a "sentiment", it's a case history. My brother created a list of guilty parties, people responsible for a suicide, but didn't include the suicide on the list. My nephew drew the obvious conclusion -- if he killed himself, this would place him outside any notion of responsibility, and he would get massive sympathy as well.

It was unbelievably irresponsible to portray suicide that way, and it had a predictable effect. But the responsibility for suicide rests solely with those who kill themselves.

> I've lost close friends to suicide. For what it's worth: I don't blame them ...

I do. To me, if suicides understand that they'll be held responsible, that they will be judged to have ungratefully thrown away the gift of life, they shouldn't expect sympathy, that might have a beneficial effect on the suicide rate.

> Compiling the list may just have been a coping mechanism for your brother, and I don't think it's fair to think it had anything to do with the son's suicide.

I didn't say it that way, either here or at the time. I only warned my brother that the list might provoke my nephew to kill himself, not that this would make my brother responsible. The actual suicide was, of course, solely the responsibility of the nephew.

From my unscientific "splatterwall of experiences", this is pretty much the norm, though I know of exceptions, such as smaller, gender-specific colleges that will bend over backwards to help (e.g. girls or boys-only colleges).

I would equate that to being harsh.

While in college I also felt out of place and friendless for some time. My suggestion to college students now would be to join clubs around your interests. Soccer, ultimate frisbee, archery, chess, trading cards, what ever. Just make a little effort, and I am sure you will find friends. Join clubs you personally like, rather then clubs that make you look cool or something like that. This way you'll actually hang out with people who like the same things you do, and may give you more of a chance.

To colleges, create a system that makes it easy to organize such clubs and maintain them. Like a college centric meetup. Set it up and promote the hell out of it to the first years. Perhaps there is a startup opportunity here, to make the system and sell it to colleges! Facebook works well for this, but it would be easier to do this if there was a central repository of different group that college students have started, and a simple way to request university resources, like rooms, etc.

On suicide, this may sound cold, but if you want to kill your self, do it. Honestly, I feel it's every persons right to dispose off with their life as they will. But DO NOT threaten suicide as a way to get attention! Doing so is no different then you taking someone as a hostage and threatening to kill that person just to get attention. You are basically saying to the world "Pay attention to me, and if you do not, someone is going to die, and it's YOUR fault." If you feel really sad, call your friends and be honest, tell them that you feel really sad and you NEED someone to talk to desperately. If they are your true friends, they will make time for you. I would, for any of the people I call friends, no matter the time of night or what ever. And if they ignore you, telling them you are going to kill your self isn't going to change anything, they are not your friends, and they don't give a shit. Call your parents or family, if that's an option. Parents may seem like distant and not understanding at that age, but in most cases they will stick by you even if you have no one else.

Finally, just food for thought, my dad once told me this about evolution: In nature the "winners" are those creatures that pass their genes on to the next generation, and the "losers" are those creatures who's genetic lineage is cut off. Just based on the fact that you are alive today you can be assured that you come for a very, very, very long line of winners. So, when you feel down on your self, just remember, there are millions of generations of creatures which came before you. They figured out how to succeed in life, thus making you possible, and so will you, just give it time. Just about the only way to lose in life it to stop playing. So check out if you like, but if you stick around, the odds are on your side.