Earlier quoted context omitted.
As another resident of Canada, I have to completely disagree with you. I have to pay $20,000 for my schooling. My first nations friends pay nothing, it's covered by tax payers. This includes numerous other benefits that I do not get. In Canada, unfortunately it can often seem like the minority have more privileges. That's not equality, to me.
Look, I'm a Canadian myself. I paid the $20,000/year tuition for my schooling too (thank you Waterloo Co-op!). But frankly, it's very easy for the both of us to claim we are deserving of certain privileges or that we worked hard to get where we are based on our own family socio-economic situations. But the reality is that to get to this point, many immigrant families and first nations families face enormous difficult…
Being alone
61–70 of 167 posts
Re: Being alone
#62Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's actually directly relevant; they're acknowledging that when they say "if you're lonely, just get out there and say hello!" is an acceptable option partially because it really is true that at the worst, they'll feel uncomfortable. Someone who does not come from this place in life has a myriad of other things that can add to the downsides in this equation, and when you stack the two up against each other, they sta…
Could you explain a bit more, why exactly does this advice "just get out there" not apply to anyone who isn't either white, heterosexual, cis or male?
Reality is it applies to everyone and its just a "woe is me" strategy. I "can't" socialize because I'm not pasty white, well there's a load off my back I don't have to be responsible for anymore.
Re: Being alone
#63Earlier quoted context omitted.
Look, I'm a Canadian myself. I paid the $20,000/year tuition for my schooling too (thank you Waterloo Co-op!). But frankly, it's very easy for the both of us to claim we are deserving of certain privileges or that we worked hard to get where we are based on our own family socio-economic situations. But the reality is that to get to this point, many immigrant families and first nations families face enormous difficult…
My point is that the people that get the benefits are not necessarily the people that need them the most. I've seen many families with status that did not need the money, but took advantage of it. I've also seen many families that needed the money, but could not get it because they were not status. I completely agree with a support system for people who need it, but I do NOT think that system should be based on racia…
Re: Being alone
#64This reads like a talk that someone would give at orientation in college... does the tech community in SF really need this much help socializing?
I am thinking the same things. At some point you have to make friends from scratch. They aren't just given to you. As for the "doing things alone" I've noticed that people don't like doing that. Traveling, going to see a movie, or attending an event all seem to be things that have a stigma attached to doing them solo.
Re: Being alone
#65This reads like a talk that someone would give at orientation in college... does the tech community in SF really need this much help socializing?
I am thinking the same things. At some point you have to make friends from scratch. They aren't just given to you. As for the "doing things alone" I've noticed that people don't like doing that. Traveling, going to see a movie, or attending an event all seem to be things that have a stigma attached to doing them solo.
Re: Being alone
#66Re: Being alone
#67Earlier quoted context omitted.
There's a big difference in perspective between saying "the majority is privileged" and saying "the minority is disadvantaged". When the majority is heterosexual, white, and "cis-gendered", isn't that the baseline instead of privileged?
the majority isnt all those things and male.
Re: Being alone
#68I have a technique for when I'm alone in a large social setting. Find other alone people. It's not hard to spot them if you're looking, and in most cases they will appreciate the friendliness. This works especially well in a situation like a networking event or large party where it is unlikely that attendees will know everyone else.
1) Instant connection - we both know {party_host}
2) You learn a detail about them (occupation, hobby, hometown)
3) They learn a detail about you
4) You've told someone why you're there, so then you won't feel like everyone's questioning your presence
5) You've got a starting point for talking to more people (introduce this person to someone else you know, and/or they'll do likewise)
Re: Being alone
#69I feel this is something that happens when people work at startups, especially early stage ones. There is such pressure to work with your small team and put all your time and effort into this startup (like all of the people who brag about working 80 or 100 weeks --- or the OP mentioning taking a nap at the office on friday night), that you are really sacrificing opportunity to build or maintain friendships with a wid…
Regardless, the point still stands: finding balance is important.
Really, although I didn't explicitly say it when I wrote this, this piece was a lot about finding that balance. For the first time in awhile, I broke away from the people I spend 99% of my time with. I started out alone and lonely, but by the end it wasn't so bad anymore. I wasn't constrained by the settings/people/activities that I've become so used to. I went to the Watsi party, I did a scavenger hunt with strangers, and I made a bunch of new friends. It was refreshing.
Re: Being alone
#70I'm typically very busy during the day, so nightlife is my primary means of social activity. When I show up to parties, it's usually alone, and that's something I've had to adjust to. I go to bars, often alone, and I turn my phone off and strike up conversations. At first, it's incredibly difficult, but over time it becomes more fun. Over the summer, this culminated in my attending multiple music festivals where I spent a majority of the day having a blast in a group of complete strangers, most of whom I will likely never see again. But that's now a shared experience that I never would have just watching Netflix.
One of the most interesting things I've noticed, though, is the reaction others have when I tell them I go to parties or bars by myself (or even to dinner or to movies alone). They're taken aback, and they almost try to marginalize you as some sort of loner. I have plenty of very close friends, and I do my best to spend time with them, but embracing being alone has almost made me less alone in many cases.