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Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

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Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#61

This is pretty personal stuff to say using an account that's tied to my real name, but hey, we're all friends here now, so why not. I'm in the target demographic for this post (I turn 29 on Tuesday), and I'm seriously considering making a conscious decision to be permanently single. I understand that people find a lot of happiness in relationships, but I just don't think I'm capable of making room in my life for anot…

I don't think wanting to stay permanently single makes you broken. I also don't think that you are the sole decider of what makes you a "good" boyfriend or if you need to be a "dramatically better person" to get there.

Do what makes you comfortable and what you think will make you happy and fulfilled in ten, twenty or thirty years. I felt this post made a strong case for thinking of relationships as long-term investments and although it's hard to think on that scale, that may help you with your decision of how to live your life.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#62

This is pretty personal stuff to say using an account that's tied to my real name, but hey, we're all friends here now, so why not. I'm in the target demographic for this post (I turn 29 on Tuesday), and I'm seriously considering making a conscious decision to be permanently single. I understand that people find a lot of happiness in relationships, but I just don't think I'm capable of making room in my life for anot…

I have been thinking about this too. I'm not quite social, but that's not the point. The thing is, I'm afraid I can't bear another person in my life (living in the same house/room and sharing the same moments).

Well, I have been living alone now for 1.5 years; and let me tell you: It's really great. What you need is to get over the "You need to socialize" thing. That socializing will prevent from getting you depressed, and all that crap.

What you need to do is to figure out alternative channels. I use forums, news sites, and I still have 3 friends that I meet a few times per month.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#63

How about we all just chill the fuck out? Stop worrying about whether you've left it too late to be the next Zuckerberg. Stop worrying about whether you've sacrificed your future happiness on the temple of Mammon. Just live your damned life, one day at a time. If you think that everything is going fine, you're probably right; If you think that things are all fucked up, you're also probably right. Stop letting doucheb…

> How about we all just chill the fuck out?

That's no option. At least for men.

Men are restless hunters and highly competitive creatures. Men thrive when taking risks, when being in a fight and when they finally won and dominate their peers. As sad it sounds this is what we need and make us happy. We can have breaks from time to time like working as dull office drones avoiding any risks and watching Youporn before bedtime but we degenerate when this state of boredom sticks for longer time. Even if Zuckerberg, its Facebook and the constant flow of successes of peers on the FB news feed drives many into depression, men need this to get out of their comfort zone and start fighting.

(Besides, I think that the original article is crap as many lifestyle advices)

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#64
Do most people really live like that in their twenties? Getting laid all the time, unstable relationships and so on? I kind of thought that there was a lot of media hype in that story.

Anyway, I think the main thing is that having kids in your thirties is a lot more stressful, in the sense that you usually want to have a stable relationship before having kids together, and time is running out. There is that biological clock ticking, at least for women - while men have more options, it means having to find a significantly younger woman to have children with.

And once you have children, you realize that it would have been nice to be younger. It means being in better shape to play with your kids, being able to be there for them longer, and a higher chance to experience grandchildren.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#65

The broad point here is a very important one. I came to Silicon Valley in my late 20s. I'd already had a lot of relationship ups and downs. I got married not long after getting here. I'm now, um, older... It's great for folks who are fresh out of college that a bunch of middle-aged VCs who missed the boat on Zuckerberg because after the dot.com boom they were "playing it safe" backing their MBA buddies in startups wh…

> But don't lay on your death bed wishing you'd worked less and loved more.

The advice in the original article is not new. In fact it is the default advice that is given to all, very unlike what the OP has mentioned. I haven't seen any person with experience mention that personal life is a sink. It could be an advice that is ignored the most, but it definitely is the advice that is also given most frequently.

The term 'Workaholic', is a negative even in its name. And I don't believe anyone, who has done even the slightest of introspection, consider being a workaholic to be the most optimal condition for them. They might love their work, I do as well, but I think the intensity is often due to either grandness of their objectives or due to lack of alternatives. Given then humans have a propensity to overestimate the impact of the our own work, they also tend to underestimate the comparative value of things that do not directly and visibly help in achieving that goal they desire so dearly. And what they desire is not always what is considered acceptable or good, but what is considered extraordinary and different. We have seldom celebrated people for having a balanced life. The most important aspect of people whom we have admired, as a community, is never the balance that they have in their person and professional life, it is their impact on the world - the size of the dent they created. Hence, even though some of us know they might not make it, they hope that if they work just an hour more a day at the expense of existence of a personal life - it might increase their chances. They are ready to lose it all but never to be ordinary. These are the risk takers who have a choice at having a relationship but choose not to take it. For they fear they might die in mediocrity.

And then we also have the other kind, those who don't have a choice. Work being what gives them some hope of acceptance. Some relevance. I often think that one way of thinking of our primary motive is that we want to have some relevance, that we want to be remembered when we die, we want to be missed when we are missing. We want to be either extremely very relevant to a few people or be at least be somewhat relevant to masses. We do see the value of love and the value of all the very personal relationships that we have, successul or unsuccessful. We might even value them more than the relevance that we get in lives of many through our work. However, some of us are too unfortunate in the pursuit. And too afraid. And to bring some luck to our misfortune, work seems to be a safe choice. A choice is to work, for the rewards are largely under our own control and independent of how we look. Work is a safe haven in a world that has marked us to be unattractive and unworthy of affection. Of course those of us who feel this way, are at fault. We could change the way we dress, go to gym and travel; basically do things that we don't enjoy to get a chance at a game that we suck at. But we sometimes think, "fk it all, I will just work" for that at least might bring some minimum guaranteed rewards. We are the risk averse who fear we might get nothing but disappointment, again, if we pursue something personal and lovely in life.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#66

Zuck spent 50 minutes with his girlfriend a week when he was starting Facebook.

Seriously try that on a girl and let me know how it works out for you. Perhaps if you have as much coverage as Facebook in the media it might work but most likely she would dump you and with good reason. Heck I know I would. What's the point of a relationship with only that much time together.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#67
post #56
post #52

Saw this thread when it had just 2 points and hoped it won't get upvoted since it's just -- sorry to say -- a useless post full of misinformation without delivering any message. I highly doubt the author has enough experience with building relationships, getting laid, get the right one and so on: Now, since it's on the front page my view. You have two options: Either you spend your time in your early 20s chasing wome…

[deleted]

I would say that even that isn't reality. I'm a rich startup guy in NYC and I can't get a date. City and status aren't enough.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#69
post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No. You should have done those things for yourself. Anything that drives you should have been for you. Along the way, you find someone that views you for the person you are trying to be, the one you are now, and whatever is the spur of the moment. I don't intend to judge you, just the comment. I really think this post is shit and I have not idea why I chose to respond to your post. Chuck it up man. We are are all fuc…

I have done these things for myself.

That seems to be contradictory:

> Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in;

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#70
post #67
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[deleted]

I would say that even that isn't reality. I'm a rich startup guy in NYC and I can't get a date. City and status aren't enough.

> I'm a rich startup guy in NYC and I can't get a date.

This is weird as long you got rich by your own startup/achievements. Then, you really need some help. As cheesy it may sounds you should get quickly some PUA resources and/or training. Getting laid and the SO is 70% about self-confidence and having state and 30% about tactics/getting reframed/brainwashed which you get from PUA's. Do this today. Every men should once get into this stuff.

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