61–70 of 239 posts
Nothing wrong with introversion, IMO. Lots of people have done it throughout centuries. It can be harmful, and props to OP for recognizing the problem and choosing to move forward.
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Normally I wouldn't detract from someone's opinion of something I wrote by responding to summaries. I believe people should be allowed to judge for themselves whether opinions are accurate and when authors jump in defensively it's a slipper slope to derailing the conversation. However, your summary is factually misleading. You imply I was physically abused which I was not. Hopefully my article doesn't give that impre…
I'm going to put this in all caps because you are not paying my day rate: YOU ARE AN ABUSE SURVIVOR. Find professional help (NOW) to starting approaching it and dealing with it. Find professional help (NOW) to help manage your mental disorder (depression) which carries an enormous and present risk of self-harm. Get whatever the fuck is wrong with your foot fixed, and start walking out the door on the regular. You app…
...and you're being abusive under the guise of trying to help.
Aggression is not a good answer and if you can't make your point succinctly without it then now would be a good time to learn. Not to mention the arrogance of presuming you know what's best for someone to the point where you feel you should attempt to force your opinion upon them.
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You seem to have a significant bias against leading an asocial lifestyle. I suggest that this says more about you then it does the OP.
His posts aren't for OP; they're for himself.
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> ...now be the best person in other people's lives. ...Why? I've spent most of the last ten years trying to do just that. Do you know what it has gotten me? Let me tell you what it has gotten me: friends and family that never call unless they need something; an utterly depleted bank account; a complete lack of respect or even human regard from my peers; a pile of strife and struggle and pain and misery and not one s…
Hi Sir, Thanks for spelling out the truth. For those who are young and impressionable, listen to this man. Let me paraphrase his two points, 1) Being a nice person will not only earn you any affection you crave but the opposite, contempt for being an agreeable person. 2) Professional help is an oxymoron. Psychiatrists waste money and time. In my humble opinion, fundamental human problems involve three things, social…
This has not been my experience. I like nice people, and dislike assholes. I know plenty of other people who feel the same. Of course, there are people who are attracted to assholes, but if you're interested in their affection then you might want to take a deep, hard look at why.
"Professional help is an oxymoron. Psychiatrists waste money and time."
There are lots of different types of psychiatrists and psychologists in the US and around the world. The most popular type of therapy in the US right now is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), but there are many, many others. If one therapy (or one therapist) doesn't work for you, that doesn't mean that another won't.
"In my humble opinion, fundamental human problems involve three things, social class, money and sex."
You might want to look at Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs.[1] From most basic to the highest needs, they are:
* Physiological needs
* Safety needs
* Love and belonging
* Esteem
* Self-actualization
* Self-transcendence
Your "social class, money and sex" only really cover the bottom four levels, and completely ignore the need for self-actualization and self-transcendence. While Maslow's heirarchy is controversial, I personally think it's quite myopic to ignore the need many people have for getting beyond the lower levels in to the quest for self-discovery, self-development, and self-transcendence.
"Shrinks will not grant you any of those things. You have to do the dirty work yourself."
Psychologists and psychotherapists can certainly never "grant" you anything except a (hopefully) sympathetic ear. A good therapist can also help you get insight and offer good advice, but you will certainly have to do a lot of hard work in the therapy session and as homework. To think that on your own you can achieve anywhere near the amount of insight, healing, and growth that you could with the help of a good therapist is (usually and for most people) overly optimistic.
[1] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs
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> ...now be the best person in other people's lives. ...Why? I've spent most of the last ten years trying to do just that. Do you know what it has gotten me? Let me tell you what it has gotten me: friends and family that never call unless they need something; an utterly depleted bank account; a complete lack of respect or even human regard from my peers; a pile of strife and struggle and pain and misery and not one s…
Replying here since your reply to mine is too deeply nested: Yes, "ask a professional" can be misread as "I don't care about that person". What it means when I say that is "I am not qualified to help you. You're in deep shit, and you need help. You really should find somebody who is qualified". If I happen to know the person, and they're in my area, it comes together with a number or two where they could find somebod…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm going to put this in all caps because you are not paying my day rate: YOU ARE AN ABUSE SURVIVOR. Find professional help (NOW) to starting approaching it and dealing with it. Find professional help (NOW) to help manage your mental disorder (depression) which carries an enormous and present risk of self-harm. Get whatever the fuck is wrong with your foot fixed, and start walking out the door on the regular. You app…
> I'm going to put this in all caps because you are not paying my day rate: YOU ARE AN ABUSE SURVIVOR. ...and you're being abusive under the guise of trying to help. Aggression is not a good answer and if you can't make your point succinctly without it then now would be a good time to learn. Not to mention the arrogance of presuming you know what's best for someone to the point where you feel you should attempt to fo…
And now I will presumptuously bully my way into forcing my opinion on him with abusive HATECAPS under the self-serving, egotistical guise of trying to help:
AUTHOR. YOU ARE THE SURVIVOR OF CHILDHOOD ABUSE. THIS FACT HAS LED TO INGRAINED BEHAVIORS THAT ARE CAUSING UNDESIRABLE OUTCOMES IN YOUR LIFE. YOU, LIKE VIRTUALLY ALL PEOPLE, REQUIRE A GREATER SOCIAL CONTEXT IN WHICH TO EXPLORE THESE EVENTS, UNDERSTAND HOW THEY TAUGHT YOU MALADAPTIVE EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL BEHAVIORS, AND PERHAPS MODIFY THEM FOR A GREATER RESULT.
I think you're wrong on one point: you constantly repeat how different and strange you are from everyone else. You're really not. As you mentioned at one point: you didn't want to go out and play, but the teacher forced you to do so. This is very common behavior, and teachers are forcing children every day to go out and play. Huge amount of people go through similar experiences to yours. Others start to lapse into an…
I agree with your first paragraph. We're really not very different from one another, but a craving for identity causes us to seek or invent distinguishing features, which have a way of turning into traps. The pattern seems to be that one spends adolescence and early adulthood acquiring this "wardrobe", then later the task becomes to shed it. That is not easy, because by when you get to shedding-time you've lost the a…
I wish there was a web community for shutins like myself who would like to no longer be shutins. It's definitely not Grouper - sorry, "ending loneliness" doesn't mean finding a girlfriend and being judged on your tagged Facebook photos (as someone who is actually lonely, I have no photos tagged, and I assume that's why Grouper never admitted me. You have to be unlonely to join Grouper, in reality.). The only people I…
All the resources for the socially isolated tend to be directed at;
1. Those that are depressed or insane. As I mentioned (albeit in a very hyperbolic manner) people tend to assume you're depressed and the only help I have ever been offered was to help cure my non-existent depression. I think it's because most people cant imagine cutting themselves off from the world. They'd only do it if they had a serious mental breakdown, so they assume we must have had one.
or
2. Autistic people that are severely socially disabled.
I'm neither depressed nor severely social disabled. I imagine most shut-ins aren't.
The judgment and inaccurate labeling that comes with seeking help severely deters people like us from seeking it. The very reason I withdrew from society is because I couldn't take the labeling and social judgment.
I'd encourage you to read up on Hikikomori. Japan has a culture that causes a great deal more shut-ins than we do and there is a significant body of work on the phenomenon. Shutting Out the Sun http://www.amazon.com/Shutting-Out-Sun-Generation-Departures... is a pretty good book. There is a good introductory article here http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/15/magazine/15japanese.html?p...
Simply reading about others like me was enough to give me the courage to share with a few online friends and from there I got the courage to publish my story. There are lots of people like us, you're not alone. Feel free to email me anytime "k@20252.me". We can chat about whatever.