61–70 of 106 posts
The truth is that is everybody's fault when a bad thing happens. A more in depth view can be found at http://lucianmarin.com/archive/everybody-fault — I don't want write it twice, so sorry for the link.
No, it's not your fault. And this is just a mechanism of deflection. Step back from your solipsistic convictions for five minutes and realize that your rationalizations here only serve the purpose of avoiding forgiveness. You have decided that not only are you not a victim but in fact you and you alone are responsible for everything and therefore you don't ever need to forgive anyone. Moreover you have now implicitly…
Derek, you need to move on and let the past be there, in the past. All the stuff you are writing about is about the same thing that happened years ago and we all know about it. It's time to move on, we want to know what's next.
I figure my current experiences are not very valuable to others. It's only valuable once I've learned something sharable from it, and that usually only happens in hindsight.
I personally take a proactive view of my environment, but Derek's post is lacking moderation. From the description of Battered Person Syndrome [1]: - The abused thinks that the violence was his or her fault. - The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere. [1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battered_person_syndrome
I honestly think Derek's article slips into sarcasm at the midpoint and nobody is picking up on that: Someone was rude to me today? My fault. I could have lightened their mood beforehand. At least when I read this, the message I got is that it's easy to blame yourself when overthinking failures, but in reality it takes two to tango. Your girlfriend dumped you out of the blue? Where was her communication? That guy tha…
This is a great attitude because it moves the locus of control from outside of yourself ("I'm a helpless victim of everyone else") to inside ("this is my fault"), which is generally a more productive mindset since it puts you in control of your life. Obviously if you then translate that control into guilt, it breaks down badly, but I don't think that's what he's advocating.
Though I think it is a tad unfortunate that some remarks here are taking it too literally when it was clearly intended as lighthearted and tongue-in-cheek.
Lots of good stuff here, but I never found the reason I would most hope for: No one gives a shit.
In business, we all see it every day: who did this, who did that, who said what, who was right, who was wrong, who is hurt, who is angry, blah, blah, blah. The gossip part of our brain wants to hear more, but the business side doesn't; it just sounds like a whole bunch of played out drama.
Better to just shut and move on. Glad you did. Just not sure I'm glad why you did it.
So do you want to know the real reason I cut those chapters?...I this...I that...I something else...(I could list another 20 of these, but you get the idea.) Lots of good stuff here, but I never found the reason I would most hope for: No one gives a shit. In business, we all see it every day: who did this, who did that, who said what, who was right, who was wrong, who is hurt, who is angry, blah, blah, blah. The goss…
In general, this seems like something that should be done in moderation. A willingness to accept responsibility for some things and be proud that you aren't blaming someone for an outcome you created is healthy. At the same time, feeling as if you have the power to affect everything is not healthy. Some things are just outside of your control.
This is a great attitude because it moves the locus of control from outside of yourself ("I'm a helpless victim of everyone else") to inside ("this is my fault"), which is generally a more productive mindset since it puts you in control of your life. Obviously if you then translate that control into guilt, it breaks down badly, but I don't think that's what he's advocating.
http://www.fastcompany.com/1840496/how-your-locus-control-im...
The title of the original article is link-baity and it worked; but the whole idea of locus-of-control is that it give people a perception that they have control over their lives and it has them take actions that are consistent with that, which generally gives better outcomes.