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A Journey Through Infertility

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Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#61

Post by huhkerrf »

63 wrote: post #49
63 wrote: post #48

There's many reasons why this piece wasn't made for me, so I don't want to begrudge anyone, but I wonder how much we can do to alieve this as a society by normalizing childlessness. I never wanted to have kids, but if I did, I doubt I would've been willing to endure what the author did for it. You can (and honestly I think most people should) live a long and fulfilling life without having kids. Myself and so many of…

Another quick thought - so long as we live in a world where children in need of adoption exist, I hope we can make adopting more normal too. If you're in a position to become a parent, why on Earth would adoption not be the default? It seems much better for everyone involved. The fixation on breeding and having children whose genetics perfectly match your own is strange and mildly alarming to me.

Adoption is incredibly, incredibly hard. Especially in Western countries, there are actually more people who want to adopt than there are kids to adopt. When you add in overseas adoption, it gets even harder and more expensive.

In short, adoption is incredibly expensive, stressful, and not a sure thing.

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#62

Post by Bombthecat »

wat10000 wrote: post #54
Bombthecat wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, including weird teas, minerals, oils etc etc. Source: my wife, every YouTube video was with something new which "totally" change your odds. Pinky promise. God, how I hate those people.

The "try anything to help" argument drives me batty. How do you know acupuncture doesn't hurt your odds? For every quack treatment somebody is trying to sell you, we could come up with a million other quack treatments (rub cat fur in your eyes twice daily to improve ovulation) that you're not trying. Random unproven nonsense is as likely to hurt as it is to help. Actually, given that it's so much easier to disrupt sy…

Yeah, they are preying on people who a vulnerable and going through a difficult phase...

And always this sentence: I know someone who this worked with! You can always find someone where something "worked". Started smoking? Bet you find someone where it worked.. started drinking alcohol? Bet you find someone where it worked... Etc.

Mfer.

Excuse my English

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#63

Post by _-_-__-_-_- »

_-_-__-_-_- wrote: post #57

I've commented on this before, I do agree with some of the other sentiments that we are individualizing the problem. It's up-to each person (or couple) to navigate it themselves. For example, in Canada, the federal government announced a tax credit (up to 25%) for spending related to fertility treatments. For my partner and I, it took a professional accountant (with related costs) to navigate that system. IVF and IUI…

I should add that we do not actually know whether or not we could have conceived naturally with better odds 5, 10, or 15 year ago. At this point in our testing and treatments, the doctors cannot tell us with any certainty why we are having trouble conceiving. They can only speculate and give their professional opinions based on completed trials of studies and previous research in the field of infertility.

Of course, each person and couple is different and the reasoning behind the difficulty of a successful implantation will differ.

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#64

Post by skissane »

brabel wrote: post #40
rayiner wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re correct. All this talk about when people choose to have kids over-intellectualizes that what is a biological function. My wife and I have three kids. I’m not sure you can say any of them resulted from a rigorous analysis. We had our first in law school as a happy surprise. We theoretically planned our second and third, a six year gap after the first. But that the timing coincided with moving from an apartment…

I don’t have kids. We are mid 40s now so chances are nearly zero. Wife does not even want sex for a few years. I have no idea what the problem is. If you know, please let me know!!!

> Wife does not even want sex for a few years. I have no idea what the problem is. If you know, please let me know!!!

Have you talked to her about what the problem is? It doesn’t sound like you have. In which case, that almost certainly is at least part of the problem

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#65

Post by skissane »

wat10000 wrote: post #50
rayiner wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re correct. All this talk about when people choose to have kids over-intellectualizes that what is a biological function. My wife and I have three kids. I’m not sure you can say any of them resulted from a rigorous analysis. We had our first in law school as a happy surprise. We theoretically planned our second and third, a six year gap after the first. But that the timing coincided with moving from an apartment…

I think that humans just didn't evolve to want so many kids just for the sake of having them. It's not like fertility rates just started dropping in the 1960s. TFR in the US 200 years ago was over 7. Wealth and fertility are anti-correlated almost universally, at least at the population level. Why did people centuries or millennia ago have so many children? Partly economic reasons: they can work your farm, and they c…

> That leaves innate desire, which just doesn't seem to be that strong. We don't need to posit some recent drop in innate desire to explain the drop in fertility rates. The historical behavior we see fits just fine with innate desire being constant, and just not that high.

It varies from person to person; some of that variation is social/cultural influences, some is life experiences/circumstances, some is just randomness-but very likely it has a genetic component.

If certain alleles predispose one to be more likely to desire to have children, then in a society with strong social pressure to have children and limited availability of contraception, the selective pressure in favour of those alleles is going to be limited; in a society where social pressure to have children is low and contraception is readily available, those alleles will significantly increase the odds of having children, likely resulting in their frequency increasing over time, and maybe even (in the very long-run) a rebound in TFR

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#67

Post by dash2 »

gonzalohm wrote: post #31
dash2 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Why don't you just Google "fertility microplastic", read a bit and then decide for yourself

I don't know why you think that would be better than using AI? I asked a specific question and got a detailed answer which (e.g.) differentiated between biological fecundity and achieved fertility.

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#68

Post by imtringued »

Sol- wrote: post #21

Maybe countries could tackle such problems twofold: - first, implement a nationwide social freezing program, where women in their 20s are offered to freeze their eggs at a young age for free. Such a large-scale program would probably also improve the tech and might make egg collection less intrusive. - combined with this program, let the women who freeze their eggs opt-in into an egg donation program, where some of t…

Didn't you see the amount of injections you need for IVF?

Now you're suggesting every young and healthy woman should get these injections and have eggs scraped out of her ovaries?

This honestly feels so backwards. Create a broken society and then fix it in post with med tech.

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#69

Post by imtringued »

63 wrote: post #48

There's many reasons why this piece wasn't made for me, so I don't want to begrudge anyone, but I wonder how much we can do to alieve this as a society by normalizing childlessness. I never wanted to have kids, but if I did, I doubt I would've been willing to endure what the author did for it. You can (and honestly I think most people should) live a long and fulfilling life without having kids. Myself and so many of…

> hope someday having children becomes the exception rather than the norm, because it doesn't feel like something that should be taken lightly.

Doesn't this seem extremely selfish?

The fewer mothers there are, the more children each mother will have to give birth to.

If one in two women decide to become mothers, then each mother needs to have four children. If one in four become mothers, then it means each mother needs to give birth to eight children.

Since you are depending on those children to work for you during retirement, you're essentially leeching off other people's children.

No wonder mothers no longer think they are sacrificing themselves for their children, but rather for a capitalist machine that requires more bodies.

Your hope is deeply dysfunctional.

Re: A Journey Through Infertility

#70

Post by brabel »

skissane wrote: post #64
brabel wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t have kids. We are mid 40s now so chances are nearly zero. Wife does not even want sex for a few years. I have no idea what the problem is. If you know, please let me know!!!

> Wife does not even want sex for a few years. I have no idea what the problem is. If you know, please let me know!!! Have you talked to her about what the problem is? It doesn’t sound like you have. In which case, that almost certainly is at least part of the problem

Oh what amazing advice! Never thought to ask her why!

Seriously: she is really good at evading conversations like that. I have done all I could imagine to get her to actually talk about kids and our non existing intimate relationship. She always either gets angry or silent or changes the topic. Without knowing anything about me, some people are always inclined to believe something is wrong with me, not her. That’s so utterly unfair. I always treated her like a princess, work out and try to be healthy and look good, share all chores and take care of the house. Really if something is wrong with me she has never told me. Like I said I have no idea what to do.

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