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I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

elliot.my

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Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#61

Post by krapp »

direwolf20 wrote: post #43
krapp wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And men wonder why women choose the bear...

As a hypothetical. In reality, men and women wonder why men and women choose the sociopath.

In reality, you can predict a bear's behavior but you can never tell what a man will do to you given the chance. Maybe nothing. Maybe years of gaslighting, cruelty and violence because of mother issues. Maybe nothing and one day they just snap and shoot you and your entire family.

And it isn't simply a matter of sociopathy, but a model of masculine behavior and culture that trains men to view women as a currency and an entitlement, and doesn't allow them healthy emotional expression and identity separate from sexual and material conquests. A bear is just operating by instinct. Men choose their abusive behaviors and society often enables them.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#62

Post by olivierestsage »

theblazehen wrote: post #5

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed. I'm not sure I like the framing of this

I definitely interpreted this one as meaning emotional harm.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#63

Post by elliotmy »

aipatselarom wrote: post #58
elliotmy wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi there – author of the post here. I included this quite intentionally. I consider rape and sexual assault to be one of the worst things one human can do to another – just behind murder and torture. And yet society is littered with it. Ask any woman (and some men), she'll more than likely have a story. And it should be obvious: don't sexually hurt people! I _shouldn't_ need to include this in a simple list of rules…

The issue is not if it's a good/bad thing. We all know that. The issue is that is neither common nor a natural thing for men to "struggle not to rape someone" as much as you think it is. While your intentions might be good, and I do believe that, it reads like some sort of freudian slip. Imagine if someone wrote "hey guys, let's be honest, I don't really like this thing of urinating on your food before eating, can we…

Fair point. I can see the Freudian slip bit for sure.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#64

Post by elliotmy »

Loughla wrote: post #26
theblazehen wrote: post #5

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed. I'm not sure I like the framing of this

Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem. The fuck is this about?

Sadly, rape and cheating on partners is far too rampant in the world, in my experience. But I never see any one talking about it – only the news articles and Facebook posts after the fact.

I believe that far too many men are messed up and have desires of sexual harm and struggle to contain these desires – way more men than people think. I was attempting to call it out, but I may have done so clumsily, writing it as if every man struggles with it, or that it's a struggle I've had (when I haven't).

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#65

Post by notachatbot123 »

aipatselarom wrote: post #54
dwpdwpdwpdwpdwp wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ask a divorce lawyer that question.

If you actually did that you'd know most domestic violence is from women towards men. But it doesn't transcend as men are usually way stronger and just brush it off. Hint: It's so prevalent it's even considered "funny".

Nope, that's not true.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#66

Post by UncleMeat »

elliotmy wrote: post #47
kibbul4 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Author telling on himself here

Hi there – author of the post here. I included this quite intentionally. I consider rape and sexual assault to be one of the worst things one human can do to another – just behind murder and torture. And yet society is littered with it. Ask any woman (and some men), she'll more than likely have a story. And it should be obvious: don't sexually hurt people! I _shouldn't_ need to include this in a simple list of rules…

Rape culture is real. Sexual violence is common. Serious feminist liberation has to come with the total dismantling of rape culture.

"Men who don't rape really do want to rape and just exert enormous self control over their intense desire to rape" is not the conclusion to draw from this. The fact that you seem to think that this is fairly universal to men tells us something about you that is worrying to many readers.

I can assure you that it takes me zero self control to not rape or sexually abuse women and zero self control to not cheat on my wife.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#67

Post by elliotmy »

aipatselarom wrote: post #52
Loughla wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem. The fuck is this about?

Same. Leaving aside the "If you're a man ..." condescending crap, that "cause harm to others" bit reveals a lot about the author. Sorry pal, you're alone on that hill.

[flagged]

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#68

Post by kibbul4 »

elliotmy wrote: post #47
kibbul4 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Author telling on himself here

Hi there – author of the post here. I included this quite intentionally. I consider rape and sexual assault to be one of the worst things one human can do to another – just behind murder and torture. And yet society is littered with it. Ask any woman (and some men), she'll more than likely have a story. And it should be obvious: don't sexually hurt people! I _shouldn't_ need to include this in a simple list of rules…

[flagged]

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#69

Post by elliotmy »

xnx wrote: post #56
theblazehen wrote: post #5

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed. I'm not sure I like the framing of this

It is poorly worded, but might make sense if interpreted to be about cheating and not sexual assault.

You're right, poorly worded. My initial draft of it had nuance that I think was lost when I condensed this entry down. But it was meant to largely cover cheating, as well as sexual assault, and any sexual acts that harm others.

My original draft from Obsidian:

"The smartest, most talented and otherwise kind men throughout history – who have overcome hurdles beyond imagining to save lives, get rich and get us the moon – still totally failed when it came to not giving in to their sexual desires. They cheated on the partners they love. Some even groped and raped.

It’s not discussed enough, but many mens hardest battle is simply not giving into sexual appetites that cause harm – cheating, sexual assault, or any other form of harm (you could argue simply buying and consuming porn is immoral). These acts can spread misery through multiple generations. And yet many men do it. If you happen to have these urges (and it's not all men), you must not give in to them. [[2026-01-06]]"

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#70

Post by K0balt »

aipatselarom wrote: post #52
Loughla wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem. The fuck is this about?

Same. Leaving aside the "If you're a man ..." condescending crap, that "cause harm to others" bit reveals a lot about the author. Sorry pal, you're alone on that hill.

Women also cause enormous turmoil and suffering through their indiscretions and poor choices. Men are hardly alone on that journey.
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