There is another spiral I have experienced where I felt fine, dandy, crushing it but perceptions of me were spirialing!
Luckily I have found a spiral going the other way now to get out of it.
Why We Spiral
61–70 of 115 posts
Re: Why We Spiral
#62Earlier quoted context omitted.
I read it as just being context dependent. The "Tripoli" vs "Triple E" bit in the article was to me another anecdote on how we resolve ambiguity based on what we have in our mind's stack at the moment: > A friend once told me of an ingenious class demonstration that helped her begin to understand this process. A professor split the class in two and then spoke to the first half alone, telling them of his love for trav…
I'm intrigued where this story originated. What country measures shoes in bra sizes?
EEE is is a shoe size modifier in the U.S. - triple wide.
Re: Why We Spiral
#63One thing that has “cured” these thoughts for me is having a child. I don’t have time to ruminate like I did previously and I’ve also come to understand people better. It’s funny to see how often we all act like toddlers. It’s also made working in corporate easier, as it turns out telling a toddler no it’s surprisingly good practice for the real world.
Wait to you get a teenager. I measured my skin. A good 100 microns thicker.
Re: Why We Spiral
#64I think it's useful to try to always assume the best from others: - If they aren't being friendly this will irritate them in a way they cannot object to too openly. - If they are friendly it will avoid damage and even start an upward spiral. When you're not feeling good enough it's sometimes helpful to remember that even people who create negative impacts often get into positions of power and stay there for one reaso…
> The more you do this for other people, the more they will be glad to see you. That's not a given. That's the rational response on their end, but not only is no one perfectly rational, but some people are very, very irrational. It can sometimes[1][2] be the case that the best option is to be among those who don't attract any attention at all. Separately: The spiraling described in this post is worth consideration, b…
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Re: Why We Spiral
#65Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think it should be said that abusive, toxic work environments can creep up until you're in one, and hearing things like people should just have a tough skin. What would be a more specific way of putting that?
I don't know what point you are trying to make. One person's "abusive and toxic work environment" is another's "results driven organization". If you find yourself in a role that doesn't fit you, or you have serious doubts about, my best advice would be to leave. You are unlikely to meaningfully change the culture. In fact it will probably achieve the opposite of what you want, and people will dislike you for trying.
Just for the record, no young person should see this mindset as correct. This is how patterns of abuse are perpetuated. I agree with the sentiments of just leave, but the rest of this is a machismo fantasy. The results driven teams you are describing are still abuse.
Re: Why We Spiral
#66Nietzsche spoke of life at its fullest as an overflow, a strength so abundant it spills into creation, joy, generosity. Christ, too, framed love as something that overflows measure: forgiveness seventy times seven, care that extends to strangers and enemies.
Even the smallest overflow — a kind word, a patient gesture — can ripple outward. One person softens, then another, and soon an entire current of interaction changes course.
In this way, what begins as overflow in one heart can become a tide that lifts many.
It is the way.
Re: Why We Spiral
#67Earlier quoted context omitted.
>He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. In one situation for me, this was exactly the case. It became more clear as each week went by. It was a "bro" situation between the C-level and the new hire, and the C-level was a "30 under 30" so there was a high school mentality about it.
You can almost never win this situation, I have seen funded startups literally go under because of friendships and incorrect attribution of who did what.
Ah, the true sign of a "team" - credit being apportioned...
The problem isn't one person being over looked, it's that one person is being praised.
We all make contributions that we feel are noteworthy, but when someone else's noteworthy contributions are highlighted we then have to ask, why theirs and not ours.
Re: Why We Spiral
#68As a person with long experiences in trauma responses, I see this sort of behavior pattern everywhere. There’s so much “trust your gut!!” advice when the gut can be deeply wrong especially when it comes to identifying interpersonal threats. We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything…
> We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything like saying someone has “bad vibes” to be a reason to exclude them, to actively covering for someone with a known pattern of harming people simply because they are charming In recent years the workplaces I’ve been involved with have actual…
I actually never prescribed a specific solution on how to accomplish the education at all. This is kinda what I mean when I say folks don’t really process their feelings they act like what they feel is happening is true.
Re: Why We Spiral
#69Earlier quoted context omitted.
> He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. He’s trying to take credit for a decade of my hard work. He’s going to exploit me and everyone will believe him and not me. I think this is where it’s important to know yourself. If you’re having a constant stream of anxiety inducing thoughts and light paranoia, learning how to silence those and…
Yeah absolutely! That’s the challenge I’ve seen with anxiety (I’m painting with a broad brush here, and I’m no authority). You can’t outright disable the smoke alarms because sometimes they’re actually working.
That's the difference between functional and disfunctional anxaety. The trick is to figure out which is which.
Re: Why We Spiral
#70As a person with long experiences in trauma responses, I see this sort of behavior pattern everywhere. There’s so much “trust your gut!!” advice when the gut can be deeply wrong especially when it comes to identifying interpersonal threats. We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything…
But you also get disasters when people ignore their gut/"vibes" and try to do the "rational" thing based on more easily nameable evidence. The gut is not reliable , but it is a model that's trained on a lot of data and shouldn't be ignored. As usual there are no easy answers.
Frankly being able to point to specific behaviors that trigger vibes is something that comes easily to me as someone who, again, had to work through identifying trauma responses and reacting accordingly. It’s just a skill I think more people would benefit from picking up. I respond really poorly when I don’t feel understood, but I also have a tendency to be vague on details so it is normal for me to get misunderstood. Recognizing this is useful because I can use my gut frustration as an indicator, not that whoever I’m talking to is a moron or are intentionally bad faith misinterpreting me, but that I may be lacking clarity.