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Root for your friends

josephthacker.com

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Re: Root for your friends

#61

Post by jpmoral »

neom wrote: post #48
e40 wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m curious about how this came out and what the fallout was. If you feel like sharing.

I'm going through a really really difficult time right now, 3 major areas of my life have broken down simultaneously over the past five months. I was ranting to this guy I've known for years about it (who is very successful but was once jr to me at work) - I would have called him a "good friend" - he was drunk and giggled out something along the lines of "makes me feel strong" - I reacted as you would expect "uh.. re…

> he basically explained it was normal

I think this is just him trying to justify it.

Re: Root for your friends

#63

Post by pwdisswordfishz »

ctxc wrote: post #59
rambambram wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can get the prompt in Japan, but it costs you. There's a whole studio behind it. These people also need to eat, you see.

Get with the times. It's just virtue signaling at this point :)

Because vice signalling is so much better.

Re: Root for your friends

#64

Post by dejj »

foobarbecue wrote: post #31

In my first few years on the job, I would fill out peer evaluations honestly. We have peer evaluations where you rate people out of 5 on various performance elements like "innovative" and "leader" or whatever. Then I survived a couple of rounds of awful layoffs where really good people lost their livelihoods. Since then, I put 5 out of 5 on everyone for everything always, and say something nice in all the boxes.

I do the same. Doing HR’s job is not my job. And yet, some how I do. If I rated any satisfaction metric below 80% my manager’s manager would have him talk to me; there would be flogging until morale improves. It seems all a game of Emperor’s New Clothes.

Re: Root for your friends

#65

Post by borski »

protocolture wrote: post #37
ketzo wrote: post #4

For a long time, I’ve been this person for other people, but don’t feel like I have anybody to do this for me. That’s okay — I don’t feel bitter about that or anything. And I don’t wanna overstate what a good friend I am or whatever, I just do this a decent amount. But some part of me does wish I had someone celebrating my wins. This: “No one comes to mind? Maybe you haven’t really trusted anyone with your wins yet.”…

Ditto. What gets me is when I have a few times found the people I am hyping for are actually putting me down, or selling me out to management.

Fair, but the post briefly alluded to this:

> Even if you root for the “wrong” friends, it’s still the best way to live. Life is better not feeling jealous. You can sleep so much easier at night by genuinely being happy for your friends, even if they’re a bit jealous of you.

Re: Root for your friends

#66

Post by borski »

mierz00 wrote: post #52
neom wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm going through a really really difficult time right now, 3 major areas of my life have broken down simultaneously over the past five months. I was ranting to this guy I've known for years about it (who is very successful but was once jr to me at work) - I would have called him a "good friend" - he was drunk and giggled out something along the lines of "makes me feel strong" - I reacted as you would expect "uh.. re…

I refuse to believe this is normal and I have happily cut people out of my life for this. The most painful moment was when I had a close friend almost enjoy the fact my wife had a miscarriage. It was completely insensitive and made me realise that I have no interest in being friends with someone who is willing to compete on something so ridiculous.

It can both be normal (in that it’s common) and painful at the same time.

And you can and should still absolutely cut them out of your life. Let them have each other.

There’s a reason misery loves company.

Re: Root for your friends

#67

Post by borski »

neom wrote: post #55
mierz00 wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I refuse to believe this is normal and I have happily cut people out of my life for this. The most painful moment was when I had a close friend almost enjoy the fact my wife had a miscarriage. It was completely insensitive and made me realise that I have no interest in being friends with someone who is willing to compete on something so ridiculous.

I feel like I took a wrong turn somewhere such that I'm learning all this in my midlife. I genuinely believed the only place for "ruthless competition" was in sports and business, and in theory you know what you're signing up for. The past couple of years have been very eye opening to me, to learn people take such pleasure in such miserable things. (I also didn't know about this till recently: https://www.quora.com/W…

Yes. I, too, learned this the painful way. I had many friends, or so I thought. Then I got cut out of a volleyball friend group because I was too “intense” (aka talked about things that weren’t the weather) for them. Okay. That hurt a lot.

Lots of thinking later, and I can now tell the difference between acquaintances and friends. There’s a simple test: acquaintances will be there when you want them to; friends will be there when you don’t want them to, but need them to anyway. An acquaintance would never do that.

Re: Root for your friends

#68

Post by morningsam »

notarobot123 wrote: post #47

I have a close friend who's a huge motivator for my work. He deeply believes that I'm destined to fail and I'm determined to prove him wrong. Cheerleaders are great if you need reassurance and affirmation. If you want to innovate and push boundaries, I'd argue that competition is a more significant driver.

There's a huge difference between believing someone will fail and hoping that they will.

Re: Root for your friends

#69

Post by rez0123 »

anshumankmr wrote: post #58

I root for my friends, but it's hard since the ones who mattered are all abroad. I haven’t seen most school friends in a decade, and college friends since 2020—except one, who’s now in Australia. A relationship ended badly last year, and I haven’t had the energy to start another. I’ve made a few surface-level connections through running/cycling clubs, with one solid bond. Feel bummed to keep rooting for other people,…

Have you made any friends online? A ton of my friends are people I interact with almost exclusively on discord

Re: Root for your friends

#70

Post by rez0123 »

Haeuserschlucht wrote: post #51

Lets face it once and for all: there are no true friendships anywhere on this planet and there have never been. That's why people read studies and talk about friendships like it was a research topic of an alien species. There is only people, who give more than they get, hoping to one day get a little bit back. Don't chase something that had never been there and won't be there. Thank me later.

I’m really sorry that someone betrayed/hurt you so much and I hope you are able to forgive them.
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