Frasier never finds love?
Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
61–70 of 209 posts
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#62Anecdotally, among the people I know in Seattle, many people who have happily been in the same relationship for decades are not married. People are not avoiding long-term relationships, they are avoiding the baggage and fairly rigid assumptions that comes with state intervention in their relationships. There is zero social pressure to be “officially” married so people have no reason to do it for the sake of social co…
One thing to be mindful of is that this limits your ability to help your partner as you age. State intervention can play both ways.
It’s actually the opposite. A lot of benefits programs are punitive to marriage wrt household income. I know many older couples who stay unmarried because one of them would lose their healthcare or cash transfer benefit, for example.
For making healthcare decisions, durable power attorney and a medical proxy should be sufficient for unmarried couples. Not an attorney, talk to one if this is a need you have to validate your authority posture. The best time to have a plan is before you need it.
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#63I live in Seattle now, am married, and have an infant. I find Seattle not friendly towards families at all. The going rate for a daycare here is 3.5k per month for an infant. My wife and I are both ~7%ers? individually and we can barely afford our home (a tall skinny townhouse with no yard) and the cost of 1 baby. Having a family is hard here... Also, I don't find Seattle safe for infants and toddlers, or anybody rea…
There's hardly any place which is really "friendly" towards professional families with infants. For safety reasons, daycare centers have to maintain staffing ratios so it's always going to be extremely expensive (unless you're poor enough to qualify for subsidies).
As for safety, for some reason those big tech employees keep voting for progressive politicians whose failed policies have ruined their cities. I guess voters are getting what they want?
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#64Earlier quoted context omitted.
Anecdotal but my friends don’t try at all anymore or they don’t put in any effort and pretend that’s not their problem (read: you need to shower daily). It’s stupid because the combination of singles mixers, tinder, and community events make it very easy to find a partner (keeping them is another story) but nobody wants to try. I’m of the opinion that porn has sapped their will to find women, even though it’s very po…
It is a natural human tendency to shift blame to external boogeymen, but to speak frankly, I think there's something deeper going on with the loneliness epidemic than nudey videos on the internet. A seemingly large chunk of both sexes have major personality issues that prevent them from getting along with each other.
> A large chunk of both sexes have major personality issues that prevent them from getting along with one another
This sounds like the inverse of the white, “every generation thinks they invented sex.” I say that because I doubt people have changed that much.
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#65Marriages in the western world is a clear example of the 'overregulation'.
And further marriage rate falls, more regulations are added.
To the point that in Quebec various forms of cohabitation are considered as a marriage in court. That makes a relationship a serious liability.
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#66Earlier quoted context omitted.
Or maybe the porn gives them everything they need from a relationship and we’re seeing that there’s a larger segment that genuinely doesn’t need/want to be in a relationship.
This boggles my mind, porn only takes the place of a very small part of a healthy relationship.
The number of people who are capable of forming a healthy relationship is a subset of the single people out there. Being in a healthy relationship is a luxury available to the few, not a default lifestyle.
Some people have decided that they don't need a relationship to be happy. They've found other ways to cope. For some this may be sour grapes. But that's another coping mechanism in itself!
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#67I live in the metro region of Seattle.
I'm not sure what Third Space / Place would be viable to find a life partner. The region is relatively sparse and spread out due to bodies of water, hilly topology. By car everything still seems far and the road network (as always for anywhere) strained to the limits of what people are barely willing to tolerate for commutes. Transit infrastructure is mostly commuter busses for 9-5 jobs in Seattle, maybe a bus or two to Bellevue. The single artery of slow (no express last I road) 1 rail line each way light rail still under construction at end points and offering not much real benefit for someone trying to connect between points without transfers. Transfers outside of Seattle a huge annoyance due to sparse schedules and routes that generally don't go where someone might desire.
Which is a long way of saying; there's a very real transaction cost in time, energy, and financial resources to get anywhere.
Any hobbies, any venues, anything I can think of other than places like a library (to be quite and alone) all have their own costs. They're for profit, not for hanging out (for low / no cost) nor meeting new people.
It's to the point where I'd take a SciFi grade benevolent AI nudging stuff together to solve these intractable issues and get the right people into the right places so that matches do happen without winning the lotto level odds.
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#68Earlier quoted context omitted.
Anecdotal but my friends don’t try at all anymore or they don’t put in any effort and pretend that’s not their problem (read: you need to shower daily). It’s stupid because the combination of singles mixers, tinder, and community events make it very easy to find a partner (keeping them is another story) but nobody wants to try. I’m of the opinion that porn has sapped their will to find women, even though it’s very po…
> It’s stupid because the combination of singles mixers, tinder, and community events make it very easy to find a partner Tell me you haven't tried to date in a decade without telling me. Dating is more in the ditches than it has ever been.
I feel like most people would tell you that it's harder to date than it used to be, because most people are older than they used to be. That is, you're generally "less attractive" (in a median sort of way), as well as having stronger opinions about who/what you like. So your standards have come up, and your general desirability has gone down - so of course dating is going to feel more like a slog than when there were promising potential partners were around every corner.
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#69Marriages in the western world is a clear example of the 'overregulation'. And further marriage rate falls, more regulations are added. To the point that in Quebec various forms of cohabitation are considered as a marriage in court. That makes a relationship a serious liability.
"Common law marriage" is ... common ... at least under ... common law. Canada, like America, is influenced by the uniquely bad English common law heritage. Even Quebec with its pretend Frankenlaw system that blends civil and common law can't escape the influence.
Re: Half the men in Seattle are never-married singles, census data shows
#70I live in Seattle now, am married, and have an infant. I find Seattle not friendly towards families at all. The going rate for a daycare here is 3.5k per month for an infant. My wife and I are both ~7%ers? individually and we can barely afford our home (a tall skinny townhouse with no yard) and the cost of 1 baby. Having a family is hard here... Also, I don't find Seattle safe for infants and toddlers, or anybody rea…
There's hardly any place which is really "friendly" towards professional families with infants. For safety reasons, daycare centers have to maintain staffing ratios so it's always going to be extremely expensive (unless you're poor enough to qualify for subsidies). As for safety, for some reason those big tech employees keep voting for progressive politicians whose failed policies have ruined their cities. I guess vo…
1. Seattle is quite safe. Friendliness is different than safety
2. It all comes back to housing density/supply. As you say, daycare costs are dominated by staffing ratios/wages - which are a function of cost of living. The surge of high income earners + housing supply deficit = pricing out daycare workers (and daycares).