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Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

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Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#61

Post by 1shooner »

matrix87 wrote: post #54

Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place? I'm 24, I don't go to anyone for help pretty much ever, I just follow my own goals. That's gotten me way farther than most people I know I don't think this talk about "male emotional support networks" is actually intended to help men, it's meant to infantilize them. They'd be better off just buying into the nietzschean "support yourself" type of worldview

>Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place?

>I'm 24

No offense, but you're barely an adult. Life is hard, everyone needs help at some point. This is not a new concept.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#62

Post by drdec »

matrix87 wrote: post #54

Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place? I'm 24, I don't go to anyone for help pretty much ever, I just follow my own goals. That's gotten me way farther than most people I know I don't think this talk about "male emotional support networks" is actually intended to help men, it's meant to infantilize them. They'd be better off just buying into the nietzschean "support yourself" type of worldview

You don't think you will want some support when a tragedy befalls you? A child or partner is hospitalized or dies? You develop a potentially terminal illness? A partner betrays you? Are you just going to "follow your goals" in these situations?

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#65

Post by constantcrying »

matrix87 wrote: post #54

Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place? I'm 24, I don't go to anyone for help pretty much ever, I just follow my own goals. That's gotten me way farther than most people I know I don't think this talk about "male emotional support networks" is actually intended to help men, it's meant to infantilize them. They'd be better off just buying into the nietzschean "support yourself" type of worldview

Yes, I don't even know what "emotional support" would look like.

I have never wanted to externalize my emotions and the idea of talking to my friends about my feelings seems utterly bizarre.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#66

Post by swatcoder »

SoftTalker wrote: post #30
cultofmetatron wrote: post #14

You guys are getting emotional support???

[flagged]

You're likely to get dog-piled for that comment because it perpetuates a contemporary myth of "traditional men" rather than a historically grounded one.

While there have always been dudes living out in the bush alone, the "traditional" norm is that people spend most of their lives in a settled or roving community of some kind, and that community usually included some kind of sufficient support structure to help men (and others) make sense of their experiences and stay in tune with the community norms instead of just going feral. The shape of that support would vary, and may not always have been what we think of today as "friends", and certainly wouldn't have involved direct analogs to the emotion and psychology language we use today. But elders or shamans or pastors or imams or rabbis or parents or cousins or witchdoctors or etc etc etc were there and part of everyday life.

Trying to live without that support now is charting a path into a dark unknown, not embodying some ancient rite of masculinity.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#67

Post by avidiax »

_qbxi wrote: post #6

Men typically rely on their wives as their sole emotional support, and then people are surprised when 70% of divorces are initiated by women.

I've heard it said that romance for a man is that she still loves you even if you can no longer provide.

Sadly, I think very few men have such a relationship that would survive an extended job loss, or getting seriously ill. There's plenty of anecdata of men opening up emotionally, only to have their partner recoil in disgust.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#68

Post by constantcrying »

drdec wrote: post #62
matrix87 wrote: post #54

Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place? I'm 24, I don't go to anyone for help pretty much ever, I just follow my own goals. That's gotten me way farther than most people I know I don't think this talk about "male emotional support networks" is actually intended to help men, it's meant to infantilize them. They'd be better off just buying into the nietzschean "support yourself" type of worldview

You don't think you will want some support when a tragedy befalls you? A child or partner is hospitalized or dies? You develop a potentially terminal illness? A partner betrays you? Are you just going to "follow your goals" in these situations?

How is "emotional support" going to help with any of that?

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#69

Post by exe34 »

passwordoops wrote: post #36
dijit wrote: post #9

Only half? Thats a really wide range too. By 90 it is increasingly likely your spouse and close friends are mostly dead. My emotional support network consists of two people, my long-term partner and my parent(s). My long term partner loves me conditionally (and don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that this is abnormal). Only your parents might love you unconditionally, and they have a pretty decent head start wit…

> My long term partner loves me conditionally I've come to learn the only unconditional love is that between parent-child

And only some at that. Mine only "loved" me if it made them look good.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#70

Post by jrgoff »

matrix87 wrote: post #54

Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place? I'm 24, I don't go to anyone for help pretty much ever, I just follow my own goals. That's gotten me way farther than most people I know I don't think this talk about "male emotional support networks" is actually intended to help men, it's meant to infantilize them. They'd be better off just buying into the nietzschean "support yourself" type of worldview

As a man in my mid-40s who has gradually become more aware of my emotions and the need I have for connection, I disagree. Of course I can't make claims about anyone else's needs or happiness, but for myself my life has been a lot better as I have built supportive friendships. I don't feel infantilized, I feel more able to have my needs met, be happier, work through blocks that are triggered by old wounds, etc. I feel more capable of living a satisfying life.
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