I use XMPP and then Cheogram for people who don't want to figure it out. That way for people who don't care everything just works and for people who do they get a rich experience with E2EE. Unlike eg iOS/imessage I don't force them to use a different OS for this and I can talk to everyone from my laptop. Everything is 100% self hostable. I don't know why you would use Matrix. Self hosting is awful, the clients are a…
That argument, again.
It's been some 7 years since Amdocs withdrew all funding, forcing the devs to create their own independent thing. Since then, as far as I'm aware, the protocol has been developed in the open, with lots of external contributors. There's plenty of implementations, both client and server. How are its roots relevant? Are you going to say the internet is dubious because it was initially researched on by the US military?
Anyway, your other points are relevant, though it would be nice to have some more details.