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Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

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Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#61

Post by WA »

theGnuMe wrote: post #32
watwut wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is not about not allowing kids to be bored. This is about them wanting parents to create situations when kids are bored (by preventing their access to electronics specifically). As in, boredom nowdays requires additional work on the side of parents.

Dad, can I bring my iPad? Me: no Dad, my iPad is dead. Can I use your phone? Me: no And so forth. Not hard.

My kid usually wants to know how I make decisions and never settles for a single "no" or "because I said so". I can tell them "because I want you to find some other stuff to play with", which might result in complaining for a while. Saying "not hard" is definitely not true in many cases. It's doable, but it's still hard.

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#62

Post by 6r17 »

xkbarkar wrote: post #47

I feel the destructive behaviour of bored kids is forgotten a bit. Growing up in the late 70s early 80s we were kicked out of the house until dinner. We did a lot of really dangerous things exploring. Among these, -Playing in storm drains. Inside the narrow tunnels I might add. -Abandoned construction sites. -Railway tracks. Putting things o the rails waiting for the train to see what happened. Everything from rocks…

My IT school changed since I was there. Talking to my old director he told me about the power of the environment. The premise is that we had a smaller school before, and it was not optimally planned, (student's cables running around, trash not exactly at disposal nearby, etc...)

It seems obvious there is a direct link between environment and behavior, but what he started doing was like "programming the environment" in order to trigger behavior changes.

Why would we litter if the trashcan is nearby ? Why would we go out of our way with cables if power-socket is on every table ?

The same way I wonder if we cannot "program" the environment for kids, in a way that allows us to let them get bored out, but in such a situation that is not dangerous but also productively interesting for the kids.

It is not the same to get bored out outside nearby a train track or in the industrial area, than in a somewhat controlled area ?

What do we want to expose them to ? We already know it might want to try crazy stuff ; but I guess we can reduce the danger factors and increase area for more interesting activities ? Also, this is all linked to age and I'm not sure we can make generic rules.

Growing up in a farm is much different than growing up in the streets, and ultimately, my parents and I think a lot of parents, decide to live where kids are safe to grow with somewhat nice activities and people around them.

(Note that I also met a couple that completely cut themselves from the world and they really had to come back to society when the kid came to age, just because a kid requires social interactions with people it's age)

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#64

Post by lm28469 »

xkbarkar wrote: post #47

I feel the destructive behaviour of bored kids is forgotten a bit. Growing up in the late 70s early 80s we were kicked out of the house until dinner. We did a lot of really dangerous things exploring. Among these, -Playing in storm drains. Inside the narrow tunnels I might add. -Abandoned construction sites. -Railway tracks. Putting things o the rails waiting for the train to see what happened. Everything from rocks…

Boys will be boys, we all did these things back then and the extreme vast majority of us survived, I'll take that over 10 hours of screens per day from age 3

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#65

Post by sim7c00 »

pjc50 wrote: post #46
sim7c00 wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is absolutely true, though perhaps hard to understand just put simply like this. Sitting in silence is not the solution, but it will cause a solution to occur within you. Sitting quiety will make you self-reflect. Self reflection will reduce stress and fear. Reduction of stress and less fear is a reduction in problems caused by human error, and negativity towards eachother (due to fear).

> Self reflection will reduce stress and fear. People will say things like this, and then miss how many people immediately become uncomfortable with sitting quietly lest they face the risk of self-reflection, and how many social tools for avoiding it we have.

This is true. I practice it for a long time now, and still struggle a lot. How well it goes depends totally on the context of my life. It's hard, and honestly led to being very depressed a long time. But now I do feel like a better person, a lot of insecurities are gone, and with that, a lot of things that i did which were ultimately negative, also are gone (mostly). (lot of things still to work on :D).

I did go to therapy after a while for a few sessions, that's definitely something i'd recommend when depression hits. it's totally worth it, to get some confirmation or guidance on psychology.

One of the things for example for me that was an issue: I became super indoorsy after a bad injury. That also caused me to excersize less. This both led to a loss of anti-cortisol production, which is a hormone that reduces stress. That ultimately meant, that no matter how long i'd sit in silence, i'd still be stressed because my physiology lost the ability to produce that by itself. Now i go for lots of walks outdoors, and do some minor excersize. It helps a lot to reduce stress again, but I do still need to meditate / sit in silence to reduce fear.

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#66

Post by szundi »

dolmen wrote: post #58
bigoldie wrote: post #45

I often think that a lot of people are depressed and/or in a burn out because they don't give themselves a moment to do nothing. A moment were the brain can get up to speed with all the bombardments of information. In the past we had moments we were bored. Now, we always have a phone or other screen were we can indulge on dopamine.

Americans should definitely get (and take) more vacations.

Without phones and connectivity

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#67

Post by skrebbel »

kvetching wrote: post #53
skrebbel wrote: post #8

“should be allowed”, in practice, means “should be forced”, since it means saying no to the huge collection of devices (TVs, computers, tablets, nintendos etc) that prevent boredom.

gaming consoles were pro-social when you had split screens, a thing of the past

Plenty Switch games have that, eg Mario Kart, Sports, even Minecraft has it.

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#68

Post by robocat »

xkbarkar wrote: post #47

I feel the destructive behaviour of bored kids is forgotten a bit. Growing up in the late 70s early 80s we were kicked out of the house until dinner. We did a lot of really dangerous things exploring. Among these, -Playing in storm drains. Inside the narrow tunnels I might add. -Abandoned construction sites. -Railway tracks. Putting things o the rails waiting for the train to see what happened. Everything from rocks…

It's easy to recall the dangers.

But harder to list the benefits learnt, because they are often subconcious.

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#69

Post by szundi »

frereubu wrote: post #60
sim7c00 wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is absolutely true, though perhaps hard to understand just put simply like this. Sitting in silence is not the solution, but it will cause a solution to occur within you. Sitting quiety will make you self-reflect. Self reflection will reduce stress and fear. Reduction of stress and less fear is a reduction in problems caused by human error, and negativity towards eachother (due to fear).

Nitpicky, because I get what you mean, but "self reflection will reduce stress and fear" is by no means always true and I'd argue it's probably not really true for most people in practice. Epictetus said (paraphrasing!) that people are rubbish at self-reflection and you need to practice it to be good at it, like anything else. Lots of people approach it in terrible ways and it leads to really bad outcomes - giving up…

Seconded. I hear a lot from psychologists that some people are so afraid to be alone for even short amount of time and self-reflect, that their whole lifes are chasing activity and partners

Re: Children should be allowed to get bored (2013)

#70

Post by lordofgibbons »

szundi wrote: post #66
dolmen wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Americans should definitely get (and take) more vacations.

Without phones and connectivity

Anecdotally, I just took a long vacation in a country without much cell connectivity, and had a great time. It was very eye opening. But ever since coming back, I've been extremely unmotivated to work. I'm not sure if this counts as work burnout, but I'm sure the vacation had an impact.
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