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Other People’s Problems

seths.blog

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Re: Other People’s Problems

#61

Post by WalterBright »

WJW wrote: post #22
PopAlongKid wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Thus you can often find communities of people with disabilities I find it odd to immediately distill this down to "group A with disabilities" and "group B without". Both groups have problems, maybe just different ones. I also don't see what is insulting about making a sincere attempt to help, whether it ends up being helpful or not.

The insulting bit comes when people with an insufficient understanding of the problem come in and offer "solutions" that anyone could have dreamed up in 5 minutes, thereby implying that the new person either thinks the group with the problem is stupid for not coming up with such an obvious solution themselves. It's often the grown-up equivalent of a child learning about a longstanding religious conflict and offering…

There are exceptions, though. For example, my advice is always welcome and apropos.

Re: Other People’s Problems

#62

Post by kayodelycaon »

lazide wrote: post #56
kayodelycaon wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem with unsolicited advice is: 1. I didn't ask for it. 2. They didn't bother to understand the problem. 3. Now I am socially obligated to talk to them. 4. I have stop everything I'm thinking about to figure out how to respond to them in a way that doesn't make them feel bad. This seems grossly unfair to me. Social norms that don't come naturally to me. They are allowed say anything they want and I'm not allo…

You could also go the ‘autistic’ route - Frown, and walk away while they’re talking. Or Deeply analyze why they’re wrong and they know it. In front of them, where they can hear you do it. You’ll get hate, but what else is new? You could also just lie, say ‘oh that’s good advice’ and then ignore it like most normal people. Or, figure out what painful personal failure they are trying to warn you about from their side,…

I would like to point you to #2. :)

I understand what neurotypical people feel but I am unable to predict it without logical analysis.

Thus,

I fully understand social norms but I am not capable of following them in realtime.

Absolutely none of your unsolicited advice is even remotely useful to me because my current strategy of building logic trees and memorizing appropriate responses is far superior to anything you suggest. :P

Re: Other People’s Problems

#64

Post by lazide »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #62
lazide wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You could also go the ‘autistic’ route - Frown, and walk away while they’re talking. Or Deeply analyze why they’re wrong and they know it. In front of them, where they can hear you do it. You’ll get hate, but what else is new? You could also just lie, say ‘oh that’s good advice’ and then ignore it like most normal people. Or, figure out what painful personal failure they are trying to warn you about from their side,…

I would like to point you to #2. :) I understand what neurotypical people feel but I am unable to predict it without logical analysis. Thus, I fully understand social norms but I am not capable of following them in realtime. Absolutely none of your unsolicited advice is even remotely useful to me because my current strategy of building logic trees and memorizing appropriate responses is far superior to anything you s…

And yet....

You're not happy, because you're here complaining about it. So perhaps it isn't as superior as you want to believe? QED.

(As someone who does the same sometimes, like apparently right now. Sorry.)

Re: Other People’s Problems

#66

Post by marviel »

tangential, but this reminds me of the "Somebody Else's Problem field" in the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy:

> An SEP is something we can't see, or don't see, or our brain doesn't let us see, because we think that it's somebody else's problem. That’s what SEP means. Somebody Else’s Problem. The brain just edits it out, it's like a blind spot.

> The Somebody Else's Problem field... relies on people's natural predisposition not to see anything they don't want to, weren't expecting, or can't explain. If Effrafax had painted the mountain pink and erected a cheap and simple Somebody Else’s Problem field on it, then people would have walked past the mountain, round it, even over it, and simply never have noticed that the thing was there.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somebody_else%27s_problem?wpro...

Re: Other People’s Problems

#67

Post by kayodelycaon »

lazide wrote: post #64
kayodelycaon wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would like to point you to #2. :) I understand what neurotypical people feel but I am unable to predict it without logical analysis. Thus, I fully understand social norms but I am not capable of following them in realtime. Absolutely none of your unsolicited advice is even remotely useful to me because my current strategy of building logic trees and memorizing appropriate responses is far superior to anything you s…

And yet.... You're not happy, because you're here complaining about it. So perhaps it isn't as superior as you want to believe? QED. (As someone who does the same sometimes, like apparently right now. Sorry.)

That has no bearing on this entire discussion.

I am not happy I have to play by social norms. However, playing by those norms is the optimal solution in maintaining important relationships with people I care about.

Re: Other People’s Problems

#69

Post by mewpmewp2 »

Swizec wrote: post #14
yetihehe wrote: post #2

Tip: when your solution contains "just (do something)", it's never that simple.

As a person with problems: “just do the thing” would solve about 90% of them. Unfortunately I’m spending all my time on other priorities/problems that I also have. Just do the thing is a lot more powerful than people realize. That doesn’t mean it’s easy . But it is often simple .

That is Nike for you.

Re: Other People’s Problems

#70

Post by terr-dav »

PopAlongKid wrote: post #17
bryanrasmussen wrote: post #10

My general experience is often people think problems are easy to solve from the outside because they just don't understand the problem. Thus you can often find communities of people with disabilities who understand the problems and the people from the outside who offer insulting and simple solutions to the problems. As soon as someone falls from group B into group A the problems stop becoming simple and easily solubl…

>Thus you can often find communities of people with disabilities I find it odd to immediately distill this down to "group A with disabilities" and "group B without". Both groups have problems, maybe just different ones. I also don't see what is insulting about making a sincere attempt to help, whether it ends up being helpful or not.

"Communities of people with disabilities" sounds like a self-identified group whose members share common experiences of dealing with people without disabilities. "Immediately distilling it down to..." is an interesting way to describe someone sharing an example while making a broader point.

Whether something is insulting depends on the particular interaction and how the recipient of the 'help' feels about and perceives the attempt to help.

I've been learning the importance of consent in any intervention. Without consent, my attempts to help a person may be perceived as an act of taking control, overriding the other person's will.

> Both groups have problems, maybe just different ones.

So my problem might be a lack of perspective that is characteristic of privilege, and their problem might be me; sincerely, innocently & naively making their situation worse.

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