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Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#61
post #15

A good psychotherapist could of course provide the environment, support, guidance and relationship to help you find your way through this stuff This is how I found my way. Back in 1992 I, ran my own business, my first child was 2 years old, had a wonderful partner and was financially secure. Just after my child was born I suddenly has access to my childhood years which had been out of my awareness (dissociation). Viv…

Never looked back? What about your wife and child?

They also never looked back

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#62
Go back to the basics.

Being part of this community, I'd suspect that there's a high probability of you being "in your mind" a lot of the time. Don't forget that that world up there is mostly conceptual. The map is not the terrain. The map is a lot more stressful. If you want to stay conservative, just change things up a bit to involve your body a bit more. If you're more radical, reinvent yourself completely. Some suggestions:

> For those who have been there and managed to get out and are now living a life you're proud of, how did you do it?

I'll answer the above question first:

- If you have the savings, travel. Plenty of places where it's the plane ticket that'll be the costliest expense. If you have the freedom, go for many months. Get a few books on topics you want to learn and go work through them from a place where the cost of living is permissive.

- Start taking courses in an unrelated, more "grounded", field (cooking, plumbing, masonry, woodworking, etc).

- If you already have some other skills, try turning them into a small business. Don't aim to change the world. Aim for basic cost of living before anything. Don't optimize your business for anything further until you have reached that goal. Premature optimizations will kill your business before whatever inefficiencies your analytical mind will undoubtedly spot very early in the process. Keep things super simple and non-optimal until it's absolutely clear that some factorization has short-term benefits.

- Find a physical activity to practice regularly. Don't rush the progress, savor it. Swimming, a martial art, yoga, etc.

> Depression, unemployment, lack of confidence, fear. I'm certain there are many on here who had high potential and feel they've squandered it.

I'm leaving this here in the spirit that you might be interested in trying a different approach to experiencing life. If this doesn't resonate with you, that's ok too.

The "squandering" of life is an outlook to it that is the product of cultural beliefs that we're meant to do "something meaningful". There's no evidence that there's a way to fail or waste life. There's reason to believe that every experience of it is valid. I'd suggest to start with some topics in philosophy as an entry point. Our culture is predominantly materialist and our thinking patterns generally already align like this, so I suggest to counter-balance that bias with contents in eastern thought (Alan Watts is a good entry point), idealism (A. Schopenhauer, Bernardo Kastrup), and stoicism (Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius). This might help you expose possible underlying cultural beliefs you're operating from and why they're possibly wrong. Philosophy alone can raise existential questions. I strongly advise to supplement that exploration with a nondual contemplative practice where you will learn to explore and perhaps solve your version of "the world's problems", from within. Some good authors/speakers that I can suggest to begin with would be Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, and Rupert Spira.

Good luck.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#63
Regarding unemployment, in my brief experience of that, that does sap confidence, more than one might expect. And conversely, starting back at work seems to fix it instantly. At least it did for me.. 20 yrs ago I returned from some time out of Tech and some time spent travelling, it took me about 3 months to get a job at that time, it was new year, market was still not recovered from dot-com bust, and I was starting to get a bit despondent. But literally 30 mins after starting the new job, boom, life's back on track again. Like a switch flicked. I think the moral of the story is sometimes, take the first decent job you can even if its not a perfect fit.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#64
post #58

> I'm certain there are many on here who had high potential and feel they've squandered it. I had the same feeling, I still do to some extent. But genuinely, I also have noticed that society isn't equipped to deal with my high potential. My issue is: I want to stay authentic, I find it (morally/ethically) hard to put on a mask or role. Therefore, I bring my whole self to a job interview. The problem with that is that…

>> And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers. If I take my ideological glasses off for a second its kinda obvious why - invisible hand is just and "observation" dressed in lots of wishful thinking from economists. In reality it is just useful model that almost always fails if you look close enough >> The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and th…

It's the assholes who say "I am being me, deal with it" as an excuse to get away with bad/rude behaviour without actually knowing what their true self is

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#65
post #24

It’s probably a bad idea, but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways. I’m still prone to anxiety, but existential fears have been greatly reduced. I attribute this mostly to lack of time to think too much, so you can probably find different ways to achieve the same effect. I think somewhere along the way I’ve also become adult enough to realize that there will be days I accomplish…

I've had the same experience with kids.

After having kids, I'm living more day-to-day, and I don't care about so many things I used to care about.

For me, seeing my kids smile washes away any feelings of anxiety and dread.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#66
post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Love your games as well! Have you considered packaging them for Steam and pricing at less than 5 dollars? (i.e. a single pack of all your NES games) - if you promote to a few YouTube retro influencers you might make a few sales. :-)

Thanks. I might sell some one day, maybe as a physical cartridge release as those have better margins. Mostly though I want people to enjoy my stuff, so a lot of what I release is free.

Make it on both steam and cartridge.

Expose you and your work.

Both are beautiful

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#67
I'm a believer in inertia. When you're at rest, getting going is hard. When you're in motion, staying in motion is easy.

So what I do when I'm in a rut is literally anything. Take on a hobby project, learn something new, do volunteer work, anything. I just force myself to do something. The important thing is to get into a state of motion. Exactly what that motion looks like isn't important. Once moving, you can change directions.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#69
post #67

I'm a believer in inertia. When you're at rest, getting going is hard. When you're in motion, staying in motion is easy. So what I do when I'm in a rut is literally anything. Take on a hobby project, learn something new, do volunteer work, anything. I just force myself to do something. The important thing is to get into a state of motion. Exactly what that motion looks like isn't important. Once moving, you can chang…

Similarly, I think of it as "if things aren't working, something has to change". It doesn't matter what changes as long as something does. It both proves that change is possible and the world doesn't end with change.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#70

Sure, I've bottomed out pretty badly twice. First time was late teen years and early 20s. I experienced some sort of mental illness issue that hasn't recurred since and I never even attempted to get treated or diagnosed. I saw something similar watching the Temple Grandin biopic years later, but it involved shaking fits and banging my head against furniture in my dorm room. I dropped out of college in my first semest…

GPT summary for those interested:

Throughout their experiences, the author emphasizes the importance of developing good habits, being patient and persistent, and relying on the kindness and support of others. They attribute much of their recovery to the generosity of friends, family, and colleagues, highlighting the significance of community and interpersonal connections.

The post concludes by suggesting that overcoming such challenges often requires a combination of personal effort and external support, and acknowledges that solutions vary depending on the severity of the situation.

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