The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood • Hacker News Board

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#61

Post by Quinzel » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 5:20 AM UTC

tjpnz wrote: post #56

Quinzel wrote: post #51

I was bullied at school as a kid, it was shit… but sometimes when I look at what my bullies are up to these days thanks to social media, I can see quite clearly that despite being bullied, I fared better in terms of achieving a better education, higher income, and even being overall physically healthier. None of my bullies could run a half marathon now, most dropped out of university or never even attempted to go to…

Took a trip back to my hometown recently and recognized several of them doing retail and manual labor jobs. I won't lie, it was satisfying.

The feeling can only be described as: schadenfreude

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#62

Post by deepfriedchokes » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 5:21 AM UTC

HeOwnsTwitter wrote: post #2

Yep, age 7 and 11 were peak bullying ages. Verbal and physical abuse, scapegoating. Ignored and blamed by administration. Parents from an era where “boys will be boys”. Now: Homeless and broke. Out of work for a long time. I let people shit all over me, even in adulthood. I was told that adulthood would be different. In fact, it was the same as childhood, but more insidious. I pray for death being unable to commit su…

Solutions are available. Use them. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort. You can do it. Don’t give up hope in your ability to heal and grow. If we give up hope we are lost.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#63

Post by imadierich » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 5:25 AM UTC

h4ch1 wrote: post #31

Not bullied in school since I could usually hold my own, but bullied by my father throughout my life. Being in a country where parental corporal punishment is normal, even encouraged, I was hit for minor to major (getting bad marks, staying out late to play with friends) events all throughout my life till I could save up enough to move out when I was 18. It took me my entire college life to get over the feeling of dr…

tbh two different people gain two different lessons being raised this way. your experience is unique. others have went to the military and/or had tough dads and it made them completely better as a person. "bullying" is a natural part of human life. its always up to the person to be courageous and get through. Your personal perspective is apart of current societies views on it...plus your own. there are kids who had no father with no discipline and ended up worse than you likely. choose your battles with parents because the hardest lessons come with the greatest rewards

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#64

Post by imadierich » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 5:25 AM UTC

gomijacogeo wrote: post #47

h4ch1 wrote: post #31

Not bullied in school since I could usually hold my own, but bullied by my father throughout my life. Being in a country where parental corporal punishment is normal, even encouraged, I was hit for minor to major (getting bad marks, staying out late to play with friends) events all throughout my life till I could save up enough to move out when I was 18. It took me my entire college life to get over the feeling of dr…

Yeah, my dad was my first bully too. First at my mom and then shifted towards me once I got old enough to have independent thoughts and interests (around 6-7). Led to me being a twitchy, withdrawn kid which garnered more negative attention at school.

[dead]

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#65

Post by wannacboatmovie » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 5:30 AM UTC

Quinzel wrote: post #51

I was bullied at school as a kid, it was shit… but sometimes when I look at what my bullies are up to these days thanks to social media, I can see quite clearly that despite being bullied, I fared better in terms of achieving a better education, higher income, and even being overall physically healthier. None of my bullies could run a half marathon now, most dropped out of university or never even attempted to go to…

> thanks to social media, I can see quite clearly that despite being bullied, I fared better

Last time I did this I discovered one of the more sadistic bullies I remember from grade school became an executive at Uber. So I'd rather not know. Though in the end it seemed like a rather fitting conclusion.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#66

Post by lowdest » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 5:33 AM UTC

justanotherjoe wrote: post #52

lowdest wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, socially undesirable qualities like being smaller than other children because they were pushed forward a year for being bright. Or because they wear a discount brand of clothing. Or because they were called a mocking name that rhymed and therefore stuck for years. Or because of jealously. Or because their father had to fire another child's father from their job.

In my experience bullying comes after humiliating public experience. Say something stupid in front of the whole school and made everyone laugh? Good, now you are first candidate for bullying

Yep. I got my share of bruises and ruined clothing for being praised in front of the class for top marks. To this day, I'm very uncomfortable in the spotlight.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#67

Post by coolandsmartrr » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 5:39 AM UTC

Few questions:

- Should we create laws to penalize bullying?

Given the reports of bullying's adverse effects of a society's productivity, I'm almost wondering if we should apply legal penalties to bullies and mitigate such externalities. For instance, South Korea enacted a policy in which records of bullying are reflected on college entrance.[1]

[1] https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/east-asia/bullying-records...

- Will childhood bullies continue to bully as adults?

Are childhood bullies likely to continue bullying as adults, e.g. verbal abuse at the workplace? Being at work sometimes remind me of the atmosphere at high school. Cramping in the same people in a confined space replicates the tribe-like social dynamics akin to high school.

Whenever someone makes a verbally abusive statement, I wonder if they have behaved similarly in school, and never faced behavioral correction.

- What kind of places are least likely to have bullies, for children and adults?

I would love to avoid bullies for the rest of my life. What kind of workplaces are least likely to have them?

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#68

Post by polishdude20 » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 6:05 AM UTC

Quinzel wrote: post #51

I was bullied at school as a kid, it was shit… but sometimes when I look at what my bullies are up to these days thanks to social media, I can see quite clearly that despite being bullied, I fared better in terms of achieving a better education, higher income, and even being overall physically healthier. None of my bullies could run a half marathon now, most dropped out of university or never even attempted to go to…

I think it's not the bullying itself that leads to those consequences. Usually, bullies act out on their fellow classmates because they themselves are bullied or not well treated at home. Some have abusive parents, siblings. Some may not have strong paternal figures or maternal figures in their lives. Some may have been neglected.

These things are what can cause bullying AND bad outcomes later in life.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#69

Post by polishdude20 » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 6:07 AM UTC

tjpnz wrote: post #56

Quinzel wrote: post #51

I was bullied at school as a kid, it was shit… but sometimes when I look at what my bullies are up to these days thanks to social media, I can see quite clearly that despite being bullied, I fared better in terms of achieving a better education, higher income, and even being overall physically healthier. None of my bullies could run a half marathon now, most dropped out of university or never even attempted to go to…

Took a trip back to my hometown recently and recognized several of them doing retail and manual labor jobs. I won't lie, it was satisfying.

I don't know if I'd find the same satisfaction...

As an adult now, I realize that many people who were bullies in school came from troubled homes. I don't blame them. I blame more the circumstances that caused them to become who they were.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#70

Post by PH95VuimJjqBqy » Sat, Feb 17, 2024, 6:08 AM UTC

WIJIS6F3 wrote: post #40

I was bullied, mainly when I was between 10 and 11. This was in the 80's. I recall being both verbally and physically attacked by large groups of other students. My teachers didn't believe me so I couldn't turn to them. In one of the events 8 kids chased me several miles through neighborhoods and fields. Eventually they caught and surrounded me in a front yard. Luckily, an older woman opened her door and had me step…

I moved a lot as a kid and inevitably when I would get into a fight. Once it was established that I didn't bully well I'd be left alone.

Thing is, the world is like that past HS it's just not physical violence. Learning to deal with bullies is a life skill that will be employed throughout most of your life.