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Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

theatlantic.com

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Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#61

Post by oortoo »

ryandrake wrote: post #10
newsclues wrote: post #2

Hanging out with people glued to phones is boring

You nailed it. I've kind of stopped having get-togethers at my house (either for friends or family) because people show up, do a brief normal-human greeting interaction, and inevitably eventually sit down and just kind of zombie out scrolling their phones. Despite efforts to strike up conversation, play a board game or whatever, people just can't put the fucking things down for even 5 minutes, let alone enough time t…

Are people really like this?

Maybe this is controversial but it sounds like you just don't have good friends. I can't think of any of my friends that would respond to a request to hang out and then use their phone outside of a minimal amount once they got there. And honestly if they are doing this regularly as a force of habit, I probably am not asking them to hang out again.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#62

Post by hnthroaway992 »

Perhaps it's just the way the algorithm on these sites skew but it does strike me a little odd that there's often articles landing in my feeds lamenting about social connection.

Why is there not as much promotion of ways of finding happiness in solitude? It would seem at least as much a solution as any this issue of distressed caused by loneliness.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#63

Post by infotainment »

hnthroaway992 wrote: post #62

Perhaps it's just the way the algorithm on these sites skew but it does strike me a little odd that there's often articles landing in my feeds lamenting about social connection. Why is there not as much promotion of ways of finding happiness in solitude? It would seem at least as much a solution as any this issue of distressed caused by loneliness.

> Why is there not as much promotion of ways of finding happiness in solitude? It would seem at least as much a solution as any this issue of distressed caused by loneliness.

My guess would be because humans are inherently social animals. While there's something to be said for finding happiness in solitude, I'd argue there's no escaping biological reality in this case.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#64

Post by janalsncm »

tennisflyi wrote: post #5

No third space (and phones)

Bingo. Phones definitely don’t help, but people in all countries have phones. The death of third places is a problem in America and correlated with the decline in malls and even decreases in teen drivers license.

Almost every third place in America either costs money or (in the case of places like libraries) is noticeably impacted other social problems like homelessness. And on top of that, you have to drive to get there.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#65

Post by oortoo »

houseatrielah wrote: post #3
newsclues wrote: post #2

Hanging out with people glued to phones is boring

That's what sober people say about hanging out with those imbibing. You're not wrong tho.

Some substances at least make people more social or more engaged and empathetic. Any drug that makes someone stare at their lap and not respond to outside stimulus is probably bad for social settings.

I don't do drugs (anymore) but I enjoy hanging out with people who can use drugs and be social.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#66

Post by toomuchtodo »

infotainment wrote: post #60

This feels like the "be careful what you wish for" consequence of WFH logic. Yes, you can never leave your house and do everything via Zoom! After all, why commute to a pointless office when you could be at home meeting people online? If you start thinking this way, suddenly most interactions that can be done from home start to seem like a waste of time. The question I always ask WFH advocates is this: when was the l…

Remote Work advocate here, remote for the last 10 years, in tech for ~23 years. Show me a person worth putting meaningful effort into to build and cultivate a relationship outside of my household and I'd put the effort in. These people are already rare, and superficial/ephemeral relationships are the norm. I have made a few friends over >20 years in tech, but most people aren't there to be your friend; the moment you bounce on the job, are let go, or fired, you'll never hear from them again (regardless of what is said or moments shared during overlapping employment).

Jeff Bezos once said he was looking for a partner who could extract him from a third world prison. People I would do that for, or would expect of them, are who I would rather focus my energy and time on. Are you investable?

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/i-wan...

TLDR Focus on relationships that matter (family, friends outside of work with strong/lasting bonds) versus social or professional ceremony, or faux relationships. Sometimes, weak interactions are a waste of time, and time is non renewable.

(i chalk my position up to living in a low trust, high volatility society, ymmv)

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#68

Post by toldyouso2022 »

Americans are scared of saying the wrong thing. Meanwhile I say things that would get me arrested in the uk and fired in the US, daily, and I have lots of friends and an active social life, in person, no phones, no problems. If you can't tell your friends what you think, social places become a second workplace, of course you don't wanna go

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#69

Post by timeagain »

samtho wrote: post #50

Even though the direct effects of the pandemic have mostly disappeared, it still does not undo the years of staying at home that we have become accustomed and habituated to. Rapid inflation didn’t help, either. For those lucky enough to survive layoffs, they doubled down on work either dedicating more of their time or attempted to insulate their risk by becoming overemployed. Those who have time for friend outings ma…

All these “we” statements should be “me” statements. So many people are ready to take what they’re given, but you can opt out. Find in-person work. Throw out your phone. Live close to your friends. Drop in on your neighbors. Become a regular at the gym. Become a regular at the bar. Talk to people on the bus. Notice which flowers bloom in what order in the spring.

If all you seek is comfort you’ll find it as you sit alone eating take out in a fully furnished apartment waiting to die. If what you want is community and to be present in the only life you have, you have to work hard to find it and maintain it.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#70

Post by jeremyjh »

infotainment wrote: post #60

This feels like the "be careful what you wish for" consequence of WFH logic. Yes, you can never leave your house and do everything via Zoom! After all, why commute to a pointless office when you could be at home meeting people online? If you start thinking this way, suddenly most interactions that can be done from home start to seem like a waste of time. The question I always ask WFH advocates is this: when was the l…

I’m very much an introvert but I couldn’t handle WFH long term for this reason. I work 3 days a week in my company’s office in a coworking space. My team and most regular coworkers are remote and I don’t even have a meaningful interaction every day but I think just a little small talk and change of scene is enough to break up the weeks.

Its a big deal though that my commute is not bad - I take an express bus and can work or play in my laptop the whole time. I don’t really consider it worth driving in traffic.

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