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Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

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Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#61
My father had 10 siblings and my mother had seven. I had seven siblings myself with over 30 cousins on both sides of my family. I have four children and my and most of my siblings each have six children or so. My mother has about 24 grandkids at the last count Maybe. Further, I live on the same street as two of my sisters and I have another sister that lives down the street, with my brother living 3 mi away. Only two siblings live out of town.

My children routinely play with and enjoy being with their cousins. My daughter has a hard time making friends but she says it's okay because at least she has her cousins.

I have had a very rich experience with many of my cousins and I think these cousins are growing up even closer together both physically and emotionally. Would highly recommend the lifestyle.

Large families are such a blessing when you get older. Kids are an awful lot of work for the first about 10 years but boy are they awesome every year after that. When my grandmother is interacting with her children and grandchildren at reunions it's like she's holding court, the queen of an empire.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#62

Anecdata: I am 31 and have 3 young kids. They have 0 cousins and, on top of that, 0... second cousins? Cousins-once-removed? Whatever the one is for my cousin's kids. My kids are my grandma's only great-grandkids. And I have... 6 cousins. On top of that, at my last job, on my team of 15, I was the only one with kids, and only 1 of those 15 engineers were under the age of 30. At my current job, my team is 8, and again…

> It baffles me. Frankly, I never really got why people wanted children in the first place, so this turnabout is amusing. Perhaps you can ask some of these people that you are close with as to their reasoning.

Biological organisms not procreating despite living in material and caloric abundance is cosmically weird.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#64
post #35

Anecdata: I am 31 and have 3 young kids. They have 0 cousins and, on top of that, 0... second cousins? Cousins-once-removed? Whatever the one is for my cousin's kids. My kids are my grandma's only great-grandkids. And I have... 6 cousins. On top of that, at my last job, on my team of 15, I was the only one with kids, and only 1 of those 15 engineers were under the age of 30. At my current job, my team is 8, and again…

with 3 kids at 31 you would most likely be the outlier in many countries. all the rest you said resonates - so many people do not want to have kids at all anymore, and it’s not difficult to understand why (socioeconomic uncertainty, environmental issues, a lot of places are not “child friendly”, and there’s more). having kids today seems to be an even more difficult undertaking than in the past; and in my opinion the…

It isn't a more difficult undertaking. It was never easy, we've just been raised softly and do not value children the same way previous generations did.

An outlier in many places, but not most. Only in the Western first world is this now normal.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#65
post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe they just never met the right lady. Calling it "fucking weird" seems a bit over the top, and contradictory to your statement about working with plenty of them.

I read it as describing the situation being weird. The people being normal is what makes the whole thing weird

I guess the older I get, the more unclear I am on what normal is supposed to be or what it ever was. What percentage of men historically even had children? My impression is that it has always been significantly less than the percentage of women who do.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#66

people are missing out. this is sad

I guess it depends, I had to draw a family tree when I was at school, many years ago, and I stopped once I hit around fifty cousins.

So on the one hand I have a huge family, but on the other hand, the practical hand, most of those cousins I never met. I've heard their names, I've sometimes seen pictures of them, and family gossip means I generally know what is going on with them but that's all.

I think there were 3-5 cousins who were similarly aged to myself, and who I saw every week or two, or daily during summer holidays. But the rest? I'm not sure what people would be missing out on there ..

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#67

I’d say half my friends have had trouble conceiving, many probably will not ever have kids, and a decent chunk of my cousins as well had trouble or weren’t able to. It’s not just that people don’t have cousins

A lot of people wait way too long to have kids these days. Prime fertility is your 20s. After 30 more and more people will have trouble conceiving.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

What do you mean? Would I want my children to be at risk of school shootings? Would I want my children to have to deal with the fact that I can't afford to pay for health care in the only country where it's not free? Would I want my children to have to deal with the current state of the internet, with TikTok and other predatory social media running rampant? When they get older do I want them to have to deal with how…

> the only country where it's not free

Hyperbole. And false.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Zeihan (geopolitics celebrity dude) talks about this pretty often. It goes hand in hand with urbanization. When you're on the farm and especially when child mortality is high...you have lots of kids as they're needed for work. In the big city, kids are just a costly burden, so people have a lot less. All the countries that jumped into urbanization are in this boat. China, South Korea, Germany, Italy, and Japan are al…

> It goes hand in hand with urbanization Haredi/Hasidic/ultra-Orthodox Jews are an interesting exception to that – a predominantly urban/suburban subculture sustaining a high TFR (over 6 in Israel). A stringent religious doctrine which promotes large families may be the only thing which can overcome urbanization's encouragement of lower TFRs. In the long-long-long term, it is possible (not certain) that subcultures w…

I can only speculate of course, but I think something that'd increase birthrates in urbanized society would "simply" be arranging things such that raising a family isn't so exclusionary.

In a developed society, people are more likely to have many things they want to pursue and achieve, and due to various factors (financial and otherwise), having kids usually entails giving up on most or all of that. That probably seems like a pretty raw deal to a lot of folks, considering we all only get one life to live.

If it weren't so necessary to put off all of these things until the kids have left the nest and youth has been spent away, I'd bet a lot more people would choose to become parents.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#70
post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you mean? Would I want my children to be at risk of school shootings? Would I want my children to have to deal with the fact that I can't afford to pay for health care in the only country where it's not free? Would I want my children to have to deal with the current state of the internet, with TikTok and other predatory social media running rampant? When they get older do I want them to have to deal with how…

> the only country where it's not free Hyperbole. And false.

All the other concerns are wildly overblown as well.
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