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The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#61

Post by PartiallyTyped »

nico wrote: post #55
RugnirViking wrote: post #46

I wish more people would talk to me on trains planes or wherever else. If ever something like that does happen it usually really brightens my day. You might ask why I don't start such conversations. I simply do not think im capable. I wish I were, but ive spent a great deal of stress trying to get myself to talk freely at things like conferences, parties, etc. I just can't do it. This affliction I think is more and m…

Try the book The Charisma Myth, it has some great exercises to help you do stuff like talking to strangers. You have to do the exercises though There is stuff there that can help you get people to talk to you without initiating the conversation yourself That book changed my life

There's something quite funny about reading a book, an activity usually enjoyed alone sans conversations, about well, conversations.

Thanks for the recommendation, I will give it a try.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#62

Post by hackermatic »

ptmcc wrote: post #34
dieselgate wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m inthe PNW and feel this is largely situation dependent. Was camping in Oregon last weekend and was surprised by how many different groups of campers were conversing at length with one another. When on/around my boat at the marina it’s common for folks to chat openly. In my neighborhood it’s very much the opposite and there’s little/no eye contact and chatter.

Socialization in the PNW is highly hobby/activity oriented. It's immediate common ground and usually a recreational context. Day to day is more much reserved and insular as we go about our business.

That's what I've noticed, too -- even casual trail walkers are much more likely to greet you and smile.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#63

Post by worthless443 »

wcedmisten wrote: post #3

Reading this from an airport boarding area coming back from a conference, and I couldn't agree more. I feel like my social skills of talking to strangers have atrophied during COVID, and now I'm trying my best to exercise those social muscles again. It really requires deliberate practice.

And in the end, it feels good and fresh. Just like any other (meaningful) skill, decent social skills put forth significant effects on one's awareness of their local surroundings, and with good social skills, invaluable experiences. I've struggled with it for the best half of my life, and later ignored the need to take action and improve. I moved on to finding out the subtle beauty of just pulling up a conversation with a completely new person, of course our perspectives and opinions might differ, and that's where I see the beauty and without it, the world wouldn't have been so dynamic so I think.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#64

Post by Liquix »

monero-xmr wrote: post #26
hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

No one is friendly in urban areas because you are getting accosted / hustled so often. If a stranger tries to talk to me I have to give an ocular pat down and risk assessment before engaging beyond a skeptical glance.

> I have to give an ocular patdown

hold it right there, jabroni

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#65

Post by [deleted] »

123pie123 wrote: post #40
geewee wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I imagine it's because if the conversation is terrible you're still stuck together for potential hours. It's high risk medium reward.

Not really, if the conversation is not going well then you just do your own thing that you would have done, if you hadn't have tried talking. I've had many fantastic conversations with people on planes and few meh ones, it's deffo worth putting a bit of effort in. where is the risk?

[deleted]

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#67

Post by MenhirMike »

monero-xmr wrote: post #26
hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

No one is friendly in urban areas because you are getting accosted / hustled so often. If a stranger tries to talk to me I have to give an ocular pat down and risk assessment before engaging beyond a skeptical glance.

Are you sure that you don't want to make some extra money on the side by joining my MLM? You can do so from the comfort of your vacation home timeshare! And if something happens to you, do you really have the term life insurance that you absolutely need?

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#68

Post by mettamage »

I overanalyze social interaction. I'm a constant beginner at it. I'm constant scared. Yea, whatever, I don't care, let's do some talking!

How to talk to someone? There are a few ways:

1. Give a compliment that you genuinely mean. It has to be genuine because sometimes you gotta go in-depth with your compliment to show that it's genuine. Such as: "I really like your whole outfit style. I don't want to assume, but it makes me think you're a free spirit playing guitar and I'm just vibing to that feel."

2. Ask a question you're curious about that you think the person next to you might on the off chance know something about.

3. Talk about something happening in the situation that seems to be interesting "do you have any clue why there's such a huge line over there?"

4. Talk about something happening and just make it a statement "I love the fact that Amsterdam has these free water fountains in certain places!" (while everyone is standing near it)

5. Tell a story.

When you talk to someone, you need to be aware that they're on autopilot. This means that you first need to grab their attention. I personally do this by saying "excuse me". When they look up, then I tell my actual thing I want to say.

Responses:

- Good: carry on

- Mediocre: maybe carry on?

- Not interested: don't carry on. Don't internalize it was you. It might've been you, it might've been something else. You don't know. And even if it was you, maybe it really was some projection of their psychological state that goes back to childhood (aka not really you). You just don't know. But yea, learning to be okay with that not everyone is interested is okay.

Other ideas:

* Playfulness helps. Playfulness generates humor. I don't know how to generate humor, but I do know how to be playful (playful = don't take things seriously, don't look for truth, do look for fun and play).

* Curiosity helps.

* Asking questions helps, as long as you're interested in them and you're not asking them to just carry the conversation.

* Statements help. Not everything needs to be Q&A.

* Telling stories help. Just in general, it gives people to latch onto a lot.

I hope this helps some. It's a non-comprehensive guide made by someone who has spend a lot of time thinking about it (but at the moment is quite rusty :P). I fail at it often, I succeed at it often as well. Whatever, I'm talking to people. Failure and success doesn't matter. All that matters is are you sending a ping to the whole wide world, or not? :D

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#69

Post by JumpinJack_Cash »

Yes, but there has to be a non-zero probability of them becoming some sort of presence in your life.

Say at the airport or abroad the chances are essentially 0.0% for friendship and somewhat higher for romantic relationships provided that you are young and wild enough.

More generally guys should strive to build a crew , some sort of small army of friends whose components are stable during the course of time.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#70

Post by Eumenes »

I recently went on vacation abroad and struck up so many pleasant conversations with other Americans and some Brits, Irish, and Australians - maybe its cause we were excited to speak the same language, but it was strange, because this rarely happens in my part of the US (everyone seems to be in their own clique or group).
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