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Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

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Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#61
post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> I will rise at 5. Meditate, 530-630. Journal 630-730. Breakfast 8-9, > that is very ambitious if not pathologically ambitious. While that was an example of trying to do too much, waking up that early isn't super uncommon - I guess that's what many parents are then? Cultivating a healthy and positive inner dialogue is super important. No one is coming to help you to a greater degree than you picking yourself up and…

Any tips for other night owls that helped you be able to make the shift to mornings? I'm being forced awake around 7 am now but can't fall asleep before 2-3 am. I just seem to get all my productive energy after about 10pm.

Try to spend fifteen minutes outside getting sunlight close to when you wake up. I’ve read that the day’s first sunlight helps trigger the body’s hormonal response resetting the internal circadian clock. Anecdotally, I like it! And even if it’s placebo, getting a little sun to start the day feels nice.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#62
post #27

This person is talking about a revelation and habit changes that they did… yesterday. It’s easy to make major changes that last a day or two. The trick is finding a way to change your daily flow in the long term, something that consistently feels right, indefinitely. I’ve created new habits and approaches to my daily schedule that lasted a day many many times.

In my experience, thinking there is some state where things consistently feel right and flow that is indefinite is a bit of a trap.

It can lead to excessive sprinting and over work trying to get something ‘fixed’ which is fundamentally unstable.

Life happens.

Looking at it as a constant process of seeking balance, and getting to that state - then having it swept away - then repeating, can be healthier.

Like a sand mandala, but our lives.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#63

> " If I’m not vigilant about making myself do stuff, I won’t do anything. And my commitment to meditate is critical on every level. " Alan Watts said that meditation shouldn't be a grim duty, it should be done for the fun of it, it should be a 'grooving with the eternal now'. "Getting meditation done" makes as much sense as "getting dancing done" or "getting music listened to" - the goal isn't to hurry up and finish…

That’s all nice and good, but it takes already being in a good place for that to be true.

If meditation can help someone get to that place, that’s a good thing.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#64
post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i'm actually referring to something a bit different. i observed that many people seem to act especially preachy about certain opinions they objectively can't be truly convinced of (yet). my interpretation is that they actually preach to themselves to convince themselves.

That lines up with my experience as well, and I’be caught myself doing it too in the past. Interestingly, it can also be right, but ‘new’ - and just caught up in the excitement of learning. 90% of what everyone says (near as I can tell) is what we’re saying to ourselves.

same here. also stumbled upon that via self-reflection. then observed that pattern with other people. as you say it's probably a normal and healthy impulse but one should not live it out and particularly not build a business around it. and yes, i also think that most communication is a weird form of soliloquy.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#65

> " If I’m not vigilant about making myself do stuff, I won’t do anything. And my commitment to meditate is critical on every level. " Alan Watts said that meditation shouldn't be a grim duty, it should be done for the fun of it, it should be a 'grooving with the eternal now'. "Getting meditation done" makes as much sense as "getting dancing done" or "getting music listened to" - the goal isn't to hurry up and finish…

On the other hand, I've noticed that the reluctance to meditate is a symptom of restlessness, and I usually feel better after not-so-eagerly meditating. But of course it's important to notice and disidentify from the reluctance, the restlessness, the desire to not be restless, etc.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Look for startups that have been bought by a big corp or startup style orgs spun out of a big corp. they typically combine the perks/permissiveness/culture of a startup with the benefits/lifestyle/pay of a big corp. very relaxing combo. Another good option is a uni gig in their tech department. You’ll have to put up with absolutely scads of incompetence, probably a change control board, crap pay plus you’ll get pay f…

> I know people who show up for a couple meetings in the morning, leave for a three hour lunch and then go home every day In which country is this? Where I live now in Europe I've never seen jobs that let you get away with that. Maybe those people you know are well connected with the bosses that they're allowed such lax work behavior.

America. Lol it’s funny you think that but it’s SOP for people working at universities.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#67

> " If I’m not vigilant about making myself do stuff, I won’t do anything. And my commitment to meditate is critical on every level. " Alan Watts said that meditation shouldn't be a grim duty, it should be done for the fun of it, it should be a 'grooving with the eternal now'. "Getting meditation done" makes as much sense as "getting dancing done" or "getting music listened to" - the goal isn't to hurry up and finish…

Just because somebody says something doesn't mean it's the only way. It's just an opinion, no matter who said it.

That's, just, like, your opinion, maaan. - The Dude[1].

But I still disagree; meditation being to do with noticing where your thoughts arise, who watches the watcher, who is "I", it's fundamentally at odds with the hustle culture of productivity and economic return on investment and "it's critical that I meditate to keep up my image of being someone who meditates so I can maintain my suitably high status to impress my readers". It's the kind of thing Buddha stepped away from his wealthy upbringing to realise, the kind of thing Zen Monks go to monasteries to get away from, the kind of thing rich people take meditative sabatticals to observe and introspect.

Desire causes suffering; I forget what book I read it in but it was a normal person asking a guru about their office job, lots of phones ringing, lots of urgency, lots of stress, how can she meditate to be at peace in that kind of environment when she's so stressed she can't get in a peaceful mood to meditate at all? And the author's answer was not to stop all the phones ringing, to get into a peaceful mood first, but to notice that her desire to be at peace was at odds with her life, said desire was where her suffering was arising - if she revelled in the activity, in feeling wanted and useful and never bored, she could end the day tired but satisfied believing she'd helped as much as she could, instead of worn out and stressed believing she'd failed the workload. Meditation might be to notice that the phones ringing is stressing her and it needn't be a judgement about her not being good enough when she can't answer all of them, rather than meditation being about going to a quiet room to get some peace.

Similar to the story of the guy rowing a boat accross a river and bumps into another boat and calls out swearing at the other boater for not paying attention and being careless and then looks over his shoulder and sees the other boat is empty and drifting and there's nobody to be angry at, the answer is not to go find the boat owner to be angry at the right person, it's to wonder why you are angry at all.

I'm not claiming to be an authority, but a meditative state is more "laughing at yourself for wanting to be that important" than it is "improving writing productivity and readership by 15%". Like the fat man who is desperate to keep making vegetable soup recipes for YouTube so people accept he is an authority on dieting, the recipes aren't the diet, the finger isn't the moon, the point of meditation[2] is to notice your desperate desire to be a spiritual authority and your suffering when you feel you aren't good enough, rather than to turn you into a spiritual authority. Like the people who say they want to be musicians who are mixing up "being on stage and famous with a cheering crowd" with "playing instruments eight hours a day".

[1] (everything everyone says ever is their opinion! Every internet comment is someone's opinion, not a peer reviewed study - even then, peer reviewed study comments are the reviewer's opinion! Even measured experiments are someone's opinion that those are good measurements, that they were taken properly, recorded well, used in an appropriate model with appropriate assumptions! "That's just someone's opinion" - you should assume ALL internet comments, all articles, all books, have a honking great "IMO" on the front, or if you respect the author, make it "IMHO").

[2] if there is any such thing

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#68
Some related and perhaps more practical materials on the subject: https://every.to/no-small-plans/how-to-do-hard-things

(Incidentally a decent into to ACT)

I also wrote about the subject:

https://sonnet.io/posts/hummingbirds/

and

https://sonnet.io/posts/sit/

I don’t think I’m “good” at dealing with these sorts of problems but with the help of therapy I’ve developed tools to get gradually better.

The first link deals with reframing judgements we make in a more productive way.

The second article is a concrete case study.

I hate productivity porn so I’m trying to leave the reader with concrete actions and sometimes more questions rather than answers.

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#69
post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> I will rise at 5. Meditate, 530-630. Journal 630-730. Breakfast 8-9, > that is very ambitious if not pathologically ambitious. While that was an example of trying to do too much, waking up that early isn't super uncommon - I guess that's what many parents are then? Cultivating a healthy and positive inner dialogue is super important. No one is coming to help you to a greater degree than you picking yourself up and…

Any tips for other night owls that helped you be able to make the shift to mornings? I'm being forced awake around 7 am now but can't fall asleep before 2-3 am. I just seem to get all my productive energy after about 10pm.

I’m a lifelong night owl in my late 30s and I recently made this transition. Here’s what worked for me, YMMV.

- I read “Why we sleep”. Part of my issue was motivation. Learning more about the process of sleep and our growing understanding of how lack of sleep affects the brain later in life is eye opening.

- Around the same time, I started a morning mindfulness habit. This was really helpful for seeing how my experience shifted over time.

- I thought deeply about why I like staying up late. Realized some of this was a pattern I started as a kid, when the only time I could have alone was after everyone had gone to bed. Being a night owl helped me survive childhood. It wasn’t clear to me that any of the old reasons still applied, and there were negative effects that were impacting my life.

- I stopped consuming caffeine past 9AM. I didn’t realize how much this was affecting me, but it turns out I’m pretty sensitive to caffeine and anything later in the day will keep me awake.

- Stop using screens at least an hour before bed. This was hard until I found new outlets. Audio books and regular books have worked well for this.

- I made a simple goal combo while making the change: try to go to bed earlier than the night before, or at least no later. Try to be earlier at least once/week. Ended up trending earlier at least several days each week.

- Followed advice from the Huberman Lab sleep toolkit [0]

I shifted from an average 3AM bedtime to a 9:30 wind down and 10:30 bedtime over about 3 months, and I’ve stuck with it for about 4 months now, with very little temptation to go back because of how much better I feel. I’ve found that morning solitude can feel just as good, and that the habits I’ve built in the pursuit of shifting this schedule are paying dividends in other aspects of my life.

I had never really embraced the idea of a consistent morning routine, and when I stopped resisting that, everything else got easier.

And I’ve gotten to take photos of more sunrises which is a nice side benefit.

- [0] https://hubermanlab.com/toolkit-for-sleep/

Re: Getting Stuff Done by Not Being Mean to Yourself (2010)

#70
post #33

There's only one of these Good Things I regret never having succeeded at starting, and that's journaling. As I'm getting older, I realize there are more and more years during which I've been alive and it's getting harder to look back at them and make sense of them, or remember when a particular thing happened. I'm 45 now, which really isn't that old, but also not that young anymore. When I was younger, say 25, I had…

Yay! Something I can contribute to!

I've been journaling for over ten years.

However, the last two years are MUCH more active than the first eight.

Why?

I _insisted_ on having my journals be digitally handwritten instead of just typing them.

I spent years looking for the perfect digital notebook. It started with this absolute unit of a convertible tablet that was really crappy but had a Wacom digitizer built into the screen. I got a Surface almost immediately on release, then did the same when the big iPad Pro dropped.

Yet I hardly wrote on them.

Why?

After a long day of working, the last thing I wanted to do was spend thirty minutes writing.

Two years ago, a mildly traumatic event happened to me. Nothing devastating, but it was enough for me to do _anything_ to track my mood.

I found an app that did this perfectly. As a result, Ive been contributing an entry to it every day since.

Sometimes I even record my entry with Voice Memos. (AMAZING built-in app. Works flawlessly and syncs via iCloud with zero thought.)

I remember much more of my life because of this. It is awesome getting a pop-up on my phone about something awesome that happened six months ago.

As it happens, getting it down, no matter how, is much more important than getting it down fancily.

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