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For example he would ask them if they wanted to go to lunch and they would say yes, but still be at their desk working. He asks again after a minute of awkward silence if they're ready to go, and they keep saying "yes one minute" and yet keep working until he gives up and goes away.
"Sorry, $student, but I am unfortunately unable to continue being your teacher. [Personalized summary of student's progress, pleasantries, etc. go here.]" x $no_of_students
Simple. Effective. Exemplary.
Edit: I am totally available to teach English to Japanese students. Ghosting acceptable! No money down!
Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's not true. There's no magical bat-signal that only Japanese people can read, and there are lots of contexts that even Japanese people talk about as ridiculously subtle to the point of fiendishness (funny example: I think it's at Bishamon-do temple in Kyoto, where there's a room that was used to "greet" guests who had no chance of meeting with anyone of importance -- the way you "knew" this was because the fusum…
Sure, there'll be a gray zone of ambiguity in Japan, just as there is elsewhere. And it might even be larger (in some sense - how could one measure it?). But as you point out, there certainly are utterances in some circumstances that Japanese will understand as a clear "no" (for example), yet a word-for-word translation to English would be interpreted in English as "maybe" or "sounds good". (I am reminded of this won…
There are certainly ambiguities of translation between Japanese and English (there always are between any two languages), but for the most part, these kinds of ghostings are just straightforward and stupid: "I feel bad and cannot make our appointment today."
There's no subtlety of language; you're just expected to know that this means goodbye forever. To the extent that subtle bat-signals were sent, it was probably when you made the date/appointment/whatever, and missed the uncomfortable body language of the counterparty. That can be pretty nuanced. I'm by no means an expert at this, but I've spent enough time there that I routinely see tourists, newbies, etc., completely missing the obvious social cues swirling around a room.
If I had to guess, the author is probably bad at this and doesn't know it. The stuff about discussing her miscarriage with students, in particular, makes me think she's misreading the level of social familiarity.
I had some thoughts on how I'd deal with ghosting if I were a teacher in Japan. I do not have enough exposure to Japanese culture to know how well it would work.
* Change lesson duration from open ended to a fixed time period where students would have an option to "renew" based on their preference and progress.
* Provide a number of acceptable and "common" reasons to end study students can use in an effort to reduce shame. Reasons as simple as "I have met my goals as a student."
* Educate students early on on how to end their studies and present it as a part of the process and not shameful experience.
Just take a deposit. Don't pay it back until they tell you they quit.
This is actually a great solution to the problem.
I ask because if not then it's going to be difficult to go first. If yes, any idea how it influences behaviour?
What shall we call this? Being disrespectful? Inconsiderate?
I don’t see any problem with this. OK, if someone doesn’t want to talk to me, it’s their right. They don’t owe me any explanation or anything else. If I tried to repeatedly reach them and demand explanation — that’s borderline stalking to me. Cultural differences?
My uncle worked in Japan in the aughts. And he told me how his colleagues will do anything to avoid saying "no". For example he would ask them if they wanted to go to lunch and they would say yes, but still be at their desk working. He asks again after a minute of awkward silence if they're ready to go, and they keep saying "yes one minute" and yet keep working until he gives up and goes away.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
And the fact is Japanese people have no problem understanding what people are really saying. Things can be bluntly stated in Japanese even if their direct transliteration isn't blunt in English.
That's not true. There's no magical bat-signal that only Japanese people can read, and there are lots of contexts that even Japanese people talk about as ridiculously subtle to the point of fiendishness (funny example: I think it's at Bishamon-do temple in Kyoto, where there's a room that was used to "greet" guests who had no chance of meeting with anyone of importance -- the way you "knew" this was because the fusum…
My family moved from New Haven CT (Yankee land) to Memphis TN—the latter being the heart of the South or the buckle of the Bible Belt.
In Memphis if you ask a question or invite some one over to a party and they answer “I’ll try” that is a very polite and standard version of “Hell no”.
We have lived here 34 years and I am still catching on.
I don’t see any problem with this. OK, if someone doesn’t want to talk to me, it’s their right. They don’t owe me any explanation or anything else. If I tried to repeatedly reach them and demand explanation — that’s borderline stalking to me. Cultural differences?
Judging from the number of downvotes, either I am even more socially inept than I ever thought before, or this is a genuine cultural difference.
It's just a basic level of respect to not waste others time with wondering if it's over or not.