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I prefer picky rather than: "This guy is disabled, so I can't reject him or I would be a bad person… I will go out with him but act terribly, so that he will reject me instead, leaving my status as a good person intact." Yes this has happened to me a few times. Despite my opening usually was something like "I've got this disability, if you're uncomfortable with that please just unmatch me right away".
> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…
> I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps. I could not agree more. It’s a bit disheartening to see somebody think through online dating to this extent, write an article about it and not realize this. Before giving up on these apps I actually tried what happens to be the OP’s main recommendation: I wrote i…
Not being a user of Tinder et al. I can't say I have a lot of experience first hand but what I do know is a lot of women who are constantly swiping and such (I have a solid group of "hot" female friends to study - Im not sure this is a good thing as I've learned some pretty terrifying stuff about dating from them). They admit they are mainly there for attention and validation and that the whole thing has very little do with dating. In fact, its more about a free meal at a nice place. Literally every one of them has a side-guy she's having sex with on the semi-regular anyhow and he's not paying for shit. I'm not making this up - this is what they tell me they use the apps for. When they see pictures of some sexually appealing guy or even better one flaunting money with cars and what not they get interested fast.
So, post sexy shirtless pics of you and your gym body in front of your Lambo. Extra points for backwards hat - the bigger the bill on the hat the better apparently. Better yet post sexy shirtless pics of you and your boat. Happen to find yourself in a private aircraft of some sort - POST THAT PIC!
If you do these things you can write a profile about being sociopathic sex offender complete with misspellings and idiotic grammar and get away with it - nobody is reading it anyhow. The reward is more often than not, earning the right to meet a girl at the hot, exclusive, trendy and EXPENSIVE new place and buy them a nice evening. Afterwards they frequently - not always mind you - end up over at my place telling me about the stupid guy they went on a date with and ditched at 10PM. This isn't abstract - this is absolutely real. When I want to eat I buy groceries, when girls want to eat they go on dates. I'm 100% absolutely not kidding.
Personally - I never got into The Apps thing. I have guy friends who do it quite well and believe me they're not looking for a wife and the girls they bring around are most certainly not wives in waiting. These guys are living proof you can in fact get good at this and contrary to what you might think, these guys aren't exactly Ukrainian Underwear Models either. Quite the opposite but with their Rolexs and Real Estate Portfolios, that stuff isn't important anyhow.
Status trumps money. Money trumps sex appeal. Sex appeal will still get you in the door but well behind the status and money guys.
What I really love personally about the shit show that is pervasive app based dating is simple - I can now walk up to a girl at a show, a nice venue, where ever there are girls having fun and say "Hello" while looking them in the eye and introducing myself. Nobody does this anymore and it seems to blow their minds by the look on their faces when a real guy in the real world bothers to walk straight up to them and start telling them silly jokes.
It seems to convey the message of "I dare you to reject me, in fact thats why I bothered to walk over here and chat you up in the first place - this kind of social jeopardy is inconsequential and entertaining to me. I don't care because I have big brass balls and you don't scare me one bit - besides theres tons of girls here and you're not in a position to negotiate with me as I have plenty of options you can see right now with a brief look around the room here". This seems to convey the understanding that Im a High Value Male and more often than not it works. At worst you get a dead fish handshake from a girl with no social skills. In the best case you actually make a new friend or find a gaggle of girls to spend the day with and take things from there.
I encourage anyone who wants to flip the script to give this a try. Im here to tell you that the old school game of collecting phone numbers from in person interactions still works as well or better than it ever did. Apps are for attention seeking women and men who seek to industrialize the process of sourcing girls for the purpose of sex.
Personal connection in the real world is a powerful thing and allows you to leverage advantages The Apps just don't offer. Simply be attractive to the demographic you're going after (if you're seeking Goth Girls be a Goth Guy etc), have some witty things to say and don't be a creep. Get some phone numbers. Wait a few days and follow up with some texts etc. PROPOSE A DATE AND MAKE THE ASK. It wont always work of course but it puts a lot of the choice making process back in your hands.
No matter how you approach it, it's always going to be a difficult grind but at least this way you get to have a little fun in the process and sharpen your own social skills.
EDIT: Seems this post has been flagged? Seems like a perfectly valid article to me - at least considering the source. Maybe someone didn't like what the had to say as it hit a little too close to home me thinks.
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Men send "Hey" to weed the bots and fake profiles. It's that simple And even then, "hey" is a correct way of starting a conversation. Sure it can be improved, using something about their profile works better. Though to be honest, women who start with the "entertain me" mentality, that's a good hint that she's not going to work out.
Wouldnt be easier just send message "Hi, I'm sending this message to check whether this profile is bot or fake profile, if it ain't please respond that you are INSERT FUNNY REMARK, thanks." if you really use this message for such purpose and then you can just copypaste it.
So if anything, they had to step up and entertain me fist, since they had to even have anything remotely interesting in their profile to talk about like that. And yes I did the same in mine.
Passive strategy works well when men are young and/or horny. When horny phase wears off the same passiveness is a reason why marriages end. >In the digital dating sphere, “burning the haystack” means obliterating 99 per cent of the dating field immediately so that you’re able to see the 1 per cent that might be right for you (...) > There’s no shortage of men who want to date you, (...) the good ones are out there, t…
It's made clear from the context that "good" is "a good match". There's nothing wrong with most of those other men, but they're not going to be people that she will want to spend the rest of her life with.
If I'd say that 99% women aren't good for me, that'd be still technically true, but still something that'd be perceived in a negative way.
Is there malicious intent? Probably not, but I still think this statement is sexist against men due to generalization.
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I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.
When I was using Tinder, I went from hey to elaborate openers and then back to hey. There are two reasons to it 1) Is photos are _way_ more important and the first message doesn't really affect the reply rate 2) It's a way to filter out recipients who think they are too good for hey or not going to reply anyway (window shopping or whatever they call it) >Dudes are pathetic That was subtle. I recognized the irony only…
My expectation when sending a "hey" is not a "yes, i want to marry", it's another low-effort "hi :)" or something like that. This has its meanings of its own, by providing answers to the two questions above. It says that she has ideally given your profile a second look and does indeed want to have a conversation with you, on that app.
Yes, after the "hey" I had people tell me that they don't like talking on the app but you should follow them on instagram (likely they won't respond to you there either), or offered me various paid services. Writing "hey" provides a great filter for me, too. And yes, I was actually able to start meaningful conversations after the first "hey" warm-up.
The problem on dating apps is that with many profiles, you cannot start any conversation specific to those profiles due to them not revealing anything about themselves in the profile. Even if a woman reveals a little bit about herself in the pictures or in the bio, she will probably receive whatever specific-to-her starter you can think of in 20 different variations. Yes, you were not the only one who saw the famous monument in the background that she's been to. Yes, you were not the only one to notice that she likes avocado toast. She is literally talking with dozens of other people who also only saw that monument picture and the avocado toast line.
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I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.
Not sure why this is voted down. From my chats with women on dating sites, this is accurate. Most of them were constantly flooded with contentless messages like that, which makes it very hard to get a meaningful conversation. Mind you, my experience is all way pre-tinder. I've never been on Tinder, and things may work differently there, because if I understand correctly, you first need both people to already be inter…
From my dating-app days, a lot of women profiles were also contentless: A few pretty pics, and a catchline they (more frequent than not) copied from somewhere else.
You couldn't really start a meaningful conversation, if you tried. After matching, "hey" or some BS comeback to their catchline is often the best you can do without coming out as unpleasantly inquisitive.
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Wouldnt be easier just send message "Hi, I'm sending this message to check whether this profile is bot or fake profile, if it ain't please respond that you are INSERT FUNNY REMARK, thanks." if you really use this message for such purpose and then you can just copypaste it.
Having read their profile, I usually already have something pretty much effortless to say, like "I googled up that that black gold finishing technique you mentioned and it's fascinating. I never even heard of that." So if anything, they had to step up and entertain me fist, since they had to even have anything remotely interesting in their profile to talk about like that. And yes I did the same in mine.
Though you then risk get an "ok" back because that wasn't "cool enough"
So you're free to do better then, the bots will appreciate it as well
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Men send "Hey" to weed the bots and fake profiles. It's that simple And even then, "hey" is a correct way of starting a conversation. Sure it can be improved, using something about their profile works better. Though to be honest, women who start with the "entertain me" mentality, that's a good hint that she's not going to work out.
Wouldnt be easier just send message "Hi, I'm sending this message to check whether this profile is bot or fake profile, if it ain't please respond that you are INSERT FUNNY REMARK, thanks." if you really use this message for such purpose and then you can just copypaste it.