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When families un-adopt a child (2018)

theatlantic.com

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Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#61

Post by Scubabear68 »

We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s.

It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives.

But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter sing like Beyoncé.

We knew going into this it was going to be difficult. But we did it intentionally to save two lives from what was a life of poverty, instability, and abuse. We purposefully adopted through the State because we knew those were the kids in dire straights.

I want to say I can’t believe people would “return” adopted kids, but we saw a lot during adoption training. Parents in it for the money (you get a monthly payment if your kids are classified special needs). Parents asking questions about restraining and hitting kids. Foster homes filled to the brim with kids because there is a constant shortage of homes.

I hope most parents are improving the lives of those they adopt. But that 5% number is just devastating to see, but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#62

Post by spaetzleesser »

BadCookie wrote: post #51
spaetzleesser wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“If more people got facebook ads for kids they could adopt there would be more placement.” I remember talking to a couple who had adopted a child. They told me that there would be more placement if the process wasn’t as difficult and insanely expensive as it is now. A lot of people who want to adopt a child are basically forced to go to foreign countries because it’s too hard at home in the US. No need for Facebook a…

Adopting a healthy infant is difficult and expensive because there is more demand for these babies than supply. We don’t need more adoptive families for heathy infants. Adopting an older child is a different situation entirely. It sounds like you are describing a family who was pursuing a healthy infant exclusively.

That could be. I think they adopted a 2 year old. But in any case the process should not be made difficult or especially expensive (why?). It turns away a lot of well intended people.

I have seen the same with animal rescues. Some are very difficult to deal with (mostly because of bad prior experiences) so people go to breeders. In one way it's understandable but when you think about it it's unproductive and self-defeating to punish people for misbehavior of others (people also do this in relationships).

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#63

Post by vorpalhex »

axiolite wrote: post #27
ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

> “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” > So they're saying that they are getting rid of her because she is too religious at the age of 10 to fit into their lives? Actually, it sounded to me as if the family went full-on Ruby Ridge, moving into an off-grid cabin in the woods, preparing for the rapture.

That sort of thing is pretty rare. Statistically alone, it is more likely they left a church.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#65

Post by djrogers »

warner25 wrote: post #57
adauctus wrote: post #50

Adoptive parent here. I read this before I adopted, and it didn’t make any sense to me then. Having now adopted, I’m willing to make a value judgement and say this absolutely horrific. It induces horror. I’m my kid’s parent.

Horrific, but I'm not surprised this happens. I have four biological kids. I know that parenting is hard. That's actually an understatement. I've often wondered how much harder it is when you don't have the biological connection and evolutionary drive to help slog through the hardest parts. To be very candid, I have moments where I feel like having kids was a bad decision, but I know that I'd still give my life for t…

> I've often wondered how much harder it is when you don't have the biological connection and evolutionary drive to help slog through the hardest parts

Fun my experience it hasn’t been one iota more difficult (2 biological and one adopted child) to deal with the hard parts. There’s never been a point when it even crosses my mind that one kid is ‘of me’ and the other isn’t…

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#66

Post by the_doctah »

Scubabear68 wrote: post #61

We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s. It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives. But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter…

>but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race.

what does race have to do with this?

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#67

Post by the_af »

the_doctah wrote: post #66
Scubabear68 wrote: post #61

We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s. It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives. But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter…

>but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race. what does race have to do with this?

I think the parent poster meant "the human race", aka "mankind".

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#68

Post by maxfurman »

the_doctah wrote: post #66
Scubabear68 wrote: post #61

We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s. It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives. But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter…

>but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race. what does race have to do with this?

I think GP means race as in "the human race" - "who we are as a culture and as a people" might be a better way to phrase it

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#69

Post by k__ »

MomoXenosaga wrote: post #55

In my country you break it you own it. You can't just return to sender your adopted kid like a goddamn Zalando package.

I knew someone from Cuba, and they said they had a very loose way of doing relationships. Basically everyone was cheating, much drama, etc. pp.

But they said, everyone cared for the children. Many families would have a whole bunch of half siblings, but they were always cared for by the grater family, even if the parents themselves werent able to do so.

I kinda like that idea.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#70

Post by pvaldes »

kingcharles wrote: post #26
Borrible wrote: post #17

Every offer finds a demand. https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

Wow. It is alarmingly easy to offload your child. People are adopting children because they look cute without understanding why the child was available for adoption in the first place. Usually it is because they have such deep mental health problems that they need a very time-consuming and expensive amount of care to bring their quality of life up to something reasonable. It's very sad for these children, and it's no…

Not so easy choice. Parents that do it are disqualified for adoption programs in the future.

So if your adopted children start showing strong psycho traits, or a undisclosed medical condition that only the very rich could manage and you are a mother past your reproductive age or your partner is sterile the choice is -this- child and maybe another in the future, or no child at all, ever.

The parents are blackmailed basically.

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