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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

61–70 of 510 posts

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#61

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

What’s the alternative here? Stop contacting his friends unless he misses them? Also, why are you such a judgmental dick about it?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#62
post #21

It's completely and utterly superficial. You just cannot stay in touch with hundreds of people - it's not possible, unless you are doing so superficially and treating "friends" as "things I need to check up on so I don't lose a node to a network of people that might be helpful to me". Completely maxed out, humans can only have about 150 friends[1]. Trying to have more is just not being genuine. And think about the ot…

Thanks for that link! I was trying to remember what the number/theory was called.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#63
post #15
post #10

The next logical step is to have AI (GPT-3?) read the social posts of the contact and produce an email based on that and the last email. I hope the poor people on the other end of the author's networking scheme also have AI to read this and reply.

People definitely do this on matchmaking sites!

Just ask Eric Schmidt. Oh, wait. Whacky parsed as ad making sites. Nevermind. Didn't that guy write something about AI with another guy named Henry? Is AI trying to get us mad or get us laid? Somebody needs to write a program to figure that out and turn it into DoggyDuJourCoin. I heard you can make easy money doing that. It's all good. Who wants to bother with thinking when computers can do that for us now. I'm sure nobody is trying to take advantage of people who don't do that. #PTBarnum

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#64
post #7

Let me just point that the messages must be genuine and thoughtful. It is written in the article, but it seems that some people failed to notice it and accuse the author of objectivization and hypocrisy.

They would be genuine and thoughtful if the system didn't rely on previously prepared notes such as "He publishes incredible posts on his blog".

This system is more akin to how a politician or salesperson manages personal interaction for maximum effect — there's a lof of method but little sincerity involved.

I'm not saying the system isn't useful to some degree, but this is a bit much for me.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#65
post #7

Let me just point that the messages must be genuine and thoughtful. It is written in the article, but it seems that some people failed to notice it and accuse the author of objectivization and hypocrisy.

Quoted post unavailable.

Original meaning of genuine is that is original and truthful and not "looks original and truthful".

Also, you just make assumptions about the person and his motivations which speaks more about you than about him.

From the article: > Most importantly, I always send the kind of messages I’d like to receive. They’re short, genuine, and (ideally) helpful. I never try to sell anything and there’s no agenda other than to keep in touch.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#66

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

Well I am not find of his method, especially about doing a classification of people you would call friends. This is something I would hate to do and would hate feeling others put me in a drawer.

On the other hand while local friends can be easy to reach, invite or bump into randomly maintaining long distance friendship is a lot harder to do and require actively looking for that relation to not die. It is ok not to talk to friends every month when they are living far away nor does it diminish your feeling towards them and the pleasure you would have to meet them even if it takes 10y to do so. However if you are not actively maintaining a relation, and that requires some additionnal efforts as it is not natural to reach for people you aren't bumping into every other week/month, you might simply lose trail. It is relatively easy to reach to someone who has social media accounts under his own name and never changed phone number. It requires a lot more of detective work to reach out to people who aren't active on social medias. I have lived in several countries and I had to resort to use linkedin to get back in touch with some of my friends and it can took months for them to reply as most people don't even log on linkedin on a regular basis unless they are actually looking for a job. Some of them I lost complete trail as I couldn't find any social media account either.

So automatising your own reminders and force yourself to talk to people you might not reach out on a regular basis, because your local social circle already keeps you busy a lot, is not necessarily a bad thing, even if it feels forced.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#67
post #49

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

Hard disagree here. My days are long and full. And as a somewhat introverted person it takes additional energy to remember to keep in touch with people. Even those that I like very, very much. So it helps to have a reminder and something that actively pushes one to do so. Not every person in the world is wired the way you are. Jakobs approach is basically a more automated calendar. Plus, he is actively making an effo…

Similar here. There are a number of people that regularly pop into my head and I'll wonder how they're doing or miss talking to them that I still rarely contact because it takes a lot of energy and I need to be in the right mindset for it even though I enjoy the contact when it happens. If I think about them at a time I don't feel up to being social (often), I end up pushing it aside.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#70

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

> If there [sic] were friends... He'd miss contacting them.

Interesting! It looks like you are indirectly articulating something about your personal value system and how you express and/or receive caring. Are you familiar with the Five Love Languages [0] idea? The bosic concept (and book) are tailored for couples and couples counseling, but it generalizes in obvious ways to platonic relationships.

Essentially, it posits that everyone expresses caring and seeks expressions of caring in specific ways, so called "languages". It's entirely possible---probable in fact!---that the ways in which you personally express caring don't match up with the kinds of expressions that make your friend (or lover) feel most cared for.

YMMV, but I've personally found this idea to difuse a lot of "judgemental" feelings towards others, especially in close relationships.

[0]:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages

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