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I will never not talk about my depression

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Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#61

Post by shkkmo »

threwway wrote: post #5
gonehome wrote: post #3

I wonder how much making being depressed part of your identity prevents you from getting better. I'm not dismissing the reality of it, but reinforcing it to yourself and others around you on a constant basis probably isn't helpful? Constantly ruminating on your depressed state probably isn't good either. Pretending everything is great probably isn't a good idea or likely even possible (or desirable?), but I'm not per…

I know some people who can talk about their psychological struggles and remain likeable (it's some kind of charisma superpower), but other people where it's just a massive bummer (myself included). Step number one of getting along with people has been masking my internal state where possible. That lets me get by. The endless pit of despair and hopelessness that long-term depression can present, as with many chronic i…

I am in the difficult position where discusing my internal states too deeply is a significant trigger for downwards spirals. It doesn't mean I don't need have those conversations, but I do need to be careful about when and with whom I have those conversations.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#62

Post by mdoms »

wizzwizz4 wrote: post #19

There're a lot of people in the comments here who don't seem to know what depression is. Depression isn't just “I'm sad all the time”. Functionally, depression is a reduction in the set of actions that one can take. For some, it can be bad enough that “fill out this form, make this phone call, write the reference number on the form then post it” is too much. No, there's no reason they shouldn't be able to do that. Th…

> There're a lot of people in the comments here who don't seem to know what depression is.

> Depression isn't just “I'm sad all the time”.

I always see these comments in threads about depression but I almost never see people actually making the comments in question. Can you point to an example in this thread?

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#63

Post by nitrogen »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #60
overgard wrote: post #33

I've quit a job because I was going through bad depression before and I didn't think I could do a good job. I even asked for part time work, so I understand where she's coming from, but.. In my opinion, this attitude she's portraying is a dangerous attitude to have. This victimhood seems core to her identity. I'm not trying to shame the condition, I'm trying to say that the condition shouldn't become some core part o…

She's a woman in a man's world. It's much more socially acceptable to say "I'm depressed" than to say "Doors don't open for me even though I am doing all the things I get told I should do to make them open and I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway. It's demoralizing." Women have long been given prescriptions for antidepressants in cases where "divorce" might have been a better prescription and so on. And…

I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway.

This is probably something that most of us can relate to at some point in our lives.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#64

Post by shkkmo »

wizzwizz4 wrote: post #53
carapace wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I suffered from bad depression in my youth. Couldn't get a haircut or buy new shoes, things like that. I think the worst moment came when I was so depressed I just stood there in my room. I couldn't even lie down. No way to explain that to a normal person. One day my mom said, "I know you're not faking this because no one would deliberately be this miserable." It was more comforting than you might imagine. - - - - (I…

Unless you're dealing with con artists, the “pseudo” in “psuedoscience” is usually the explanation. I don't doubt Freud was able to help a lot of people, but I do doubt his explanations of what it was exactly that helped, and why.

The issues is that we are missing the "why" of how most antidepressants work... so do they also qualify as pseudoscience?

In my mind, psuedoscience isn't just missing the "why/how it works" but also the "who/when it helps" and as a result don't have clear statistical backing.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#66

Post by overgard »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #60
overgard wrote: post #33

I've quit a job because I was going through bad depression before and I didn't think I could do a good job. I even asked for part time work, so I understand where she's coming from, but.. In my opinion, this attitude she's portraying is a dangerous attitude to have. This victimhood seems core to her identity. I'm not trying to shame the condition, I'm trying to say that the condition shouldn't become some core part o…

She's a woman in a man's world. It's much more socially acceptable to say "I'm depressed" than to say "Doors don't open for me even though I am doing all the things I get told I should do to make them open and I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway. It's demoralizing." Women have long been given prescriptions for antidepressants in cases where "divorce" might have been a better prescription and so on. And…

I can only take the author for her word, she didn't say anything like this in the article.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#67

Post by bufordtwain »

I can relate to this. She is bravely talking about a condition that is still somewhat taboo (mental health) in order to 1) help others understand her problem and 2) make it less taboo. This potentially helps her and others in a similar position. I do the same thing when talking about my son who is struggling with addiction, though I am very selective about who I discuss it with. It's surprising how many people have someone they know in the same position or are in a similar position themselves. But you have to talk about it before you find this out. Talking about it helps you (assuming the person you are talking to has some empathy) and gradually makes it more acceptable for the issue to be discussed in public. Good for her.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#68

Post by shkkmo »

_zzaw wrote: post #15
t0mbstone wrote: post #2

Wow, I wish I could just go on sick leave for 4 months because I was feeling depressed...

I deal with depression. If I could choose between a four-month vacation and not being depressed, I would take not being depressed. I wouldn't even have to think about it. It's like looking at someone who's sick with a debilitating illness and saying "Wow, I sure wish I could just lie around in bed all day." No, t0mbstone, you don't. All the things you're imagining you'd do with that time—you can't really do them when…

I think this is an uncharitable response. There is nothing in this comment that implies the person posting it is not depressed.

I think there is a very fair point being made about the privilege of having the possibility of a four month vacation to deal with mental health issues. For many people, a four month break from one's responsibilities has a strong likihood of resulting in homelessness and/or permanent harm to employability.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#69

Post by DoreenMichele »

nitrogen wrote: post #63
DoreenMichele wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She's a woman in a man's world. It's much more socially acceptable to say "I'm depressed" than to say "Doors don't open for me even though I am doing all the things I get told I should do to make them open and I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway. It's demoralizing." Women have long been given prescriptions for antidepressants in cases where "divorce" might have been a better prescription and so on. And…

I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway. This is probably something that most of us can relate to at some point in our lives.

I don't know if that's supposed to be sympathetic or dismissive or what, but especially in combo with the downvotes, it's hard to not see it as dismissive.

A woman says "It's not socially acceptable to talk about your gender being a factor in having trouble making your career work", gets downvoted to hell. People fail to see the irony.

I've been on HN nearly twelve years as part of an overall good faith effort to sort my problems and make my life work and I am quite open about being dirt poor to the point of going hungry and being willing to work and wanting to improve my income and it failing to open doors for me. When I talk about "Most men don't really want to talk to me privately unless they are hitting on me" I get snide comments about how HN has no messaging system, as if people haven't heard of email.

I'm telling you from firsthand experience this is amazingly demoralizing and crazy making and it isn't socially acceptable to talk about it no matter how much you can point to evidence that "My gender seems to be a factor in my intractable poverty" and no matter how carefully you word it to not be blamey or suggest people are doing you dirty with malice aforethought.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#70

Post by DoreenMichele »

overgard wrote: post #66
DoreenMichele wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She's a woman in a man's world. It's much more socially acceptable to say "I'm depressed" than to say "Doors don't open for me even though I am doing all the things I get told I should do to make them open and I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway. It's demoralizing." Women have long been given prescriptions for antidepressants in cases where "divorce" might have been a better prescription and so on. And…

I can only take the author for her word, she didn't say anything like this in the article.

No, she wouldn't. If the world has broken her of talking about it, obviously, she wouldn't.

I'm giving you my take as a woman. But go ahead and do the PC dismissal as more concrete evidence that what I'm saying is both true and utterly socially unacceptable.

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