To everyone berating this guy about 'not being very depressed':
My depression is not your depression, and your depression is not theirs. Please stop judging.
I built an app to fix my depression
61–70 of 179 posts
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#62Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Depression acts on everything and shouldn't be characterized so easily ^^ This. I've battled with depression since I was something like 7-10 years old, and it's just not as simple as the GP implies. Depression affects different people to different degrees, and has different impacts - human beings are afterall very complex beasts. Being depressed also doesn't necessarily mean that you feel that low all the time - or…
Just curious, how did you find out that you were hiding your depression from yourself? (I assume you wrote from personal experience) Especially when other people tell you that they think you have depression?
Yes, I'm writing from personal experience. I'm pushing 40, and I've felt this way since I was a young kid. I think because it started so early, it was just the way things had always been. Probably as a kid I didn't have the emotional maturity to recognise what was happening either.
Nobody has ever told me they think I have depression - I'm very good at hiding it. My main coping mechanism, if you can call it that, was to bury my head in the sand and pretend everything was fine.
As for how I found out, it was very slowly, over a period of a few years, as I matured into an adult. Looking back I can see that my mental state deteriorated, likely due to stress caused by various life events and (physical) health issues, and everything kind of came to a head. At some point I couldn't bury my head in the sand and ignore it anymore and think "it's just me, I'm weird".
But even once deep down I recognised it as "depression", it was a long time before I'd even say in my head "I have depression". This was 15-20 years ago, and there was even more stigma around mental health then than there is now, and my shame was probably tempered by how one of my parents (with manic depression) had been viewed while I grew up. I also felt guilty - I had a wife, house, job, plenty of disposable income etc; how could I still feel like this when my life seemed so superficially perfect?
Even though I admit it to myself now, I doubt I'll ever tell anyone else, even my wife. Would anyone even believe me, believe that it was possible to hide such a thing my entire life? But now I'm rambling, I'll end it there :)
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#63It makes me sad when i read stories like that.
I feel depressed. Doctor - Take these pills.
I still feel sad. Doctor - Take more pills.
Medication cures symptoms of depression but cannot fix the underlying problems causing it.
Taking pill to feel happy again is a patchwork that will eventually burst catastrophically.
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#64Earlier quoted context omitted.
Anyone reading this should before they take 5-htp try and determine if they have low levels of dopamine as 5-htp helps elevate serotonin which you don't necessarily want to do if you have low dopamine. However, if someone responds well to 5-HTP it might make sense to seek out an SSRI medication
> determine if they have low levels of dopamine How would you actually do that? Is there some kind of home test available?
Talk to a doctor - self-medication is a risky endeavour, especially where mental health is concerned.
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#65I don't want to disparage anyone, and I will take a look at the app when it's back up, but I'm not even sure what depression is anymore. Mild flu symptoms is not a phrase I'd used. It's great that more people are talking about their mental health, and that it's becoming more acceptable to seek help. But the word "depression" has become so murky to me, I rarely know what people mean when they use it. Maybe I just don'…
These days I pretty much skip over any "regular" voices talking about depression or anxiety, precisely because those words have become so murky in usage. It really doesn't help that they're the poster disorders (so to speak) of mental health.
I can relate. But doing so also means you tend to only pay attention to more extreme examples, and you can start to doubt the severity of your own situation (at least that was/is the case for me).
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#66> I went to the doctor, told him I was feeling mild flu symptoms for a couple of months, he asked me a few questions, determined that I had depression [...] Wait, what?
Depression has well-defined symptoms. A couple of questions from a professional can really reveal it. There is a survey even, which can you fill out and shows if you are likely to suffer from it.
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#67I don't want to disparage anyone, and I will take a look at the app when it's back up, but I'm not even sure what depression is anymore. Mild flu symptoms is not a phrase I'd used. It's great that more people are talking about their mental health, and that it's becoming more acceptable to seek help. But the word "depression" has become so murky to me, I rarely know what people mean when they use it. Maybe I just don'…
Stanford's Sapolsky does a pretty good job explaining what is and isn't. I recommend the full lecture, it's interesting stuff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc
Here is a condensed, blog-post version, based on that Robert Sapolsky's lecture. https://www.scienceme.com/the-biology-of-depression.php
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#68mild, flu-like symptoms. Just describes how I feel since february and I'm not sure, whether it's for a hidden Covid (business travelled to Spain, when they found their first case, around 2 weeks, before they closed down...) or the depressive mood-swings I had in the past.
Lack of sleep and stress can also manifest as flu-like symptoms for me. Finding a working sleep-wake rhythm has been really difficult since working at home full-time. I love the freedom of fully being able to schedule my work hours, but it also means that I now have full control and responsibility over the rest of my daily schedule, and maintaining a healthy schedule takes more effort than I'd have expected.
What really helped me is to go out and exercise in the morning, rather than lounge inside until I start work. I have more clarity during the day, which means I feel less compelled to work late to make up for my self-perceived lack of focus during the work day. And less work in the evening also means I fall asleep more easily, which has really been an issue for me in the past few months.
YMMV, of course.
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#69Read the blog post and also the other blog post in the page ( "Why discipline isn’t the answer to procrastination", "How to stick to good habits without being hard on yourself", "How fear of shame causes procrastination", "How fear of success causes procrastination"). I get the feeling that the author is in a situation a lot of people in HN could relate to: A situation where Performance Anxiety, Fear of missing out (…
I think, as op also insinuates, it is all about acceptance. Accepting one's shortcomings, accepting that you can't do everything you want(ed), that you wont become what you always dreamed of. Love yourself despite of what you think of as shortcomings, think of the things you did achieve (and the things you have, like a stoic philosopher). You are a pretty incredible being with pretty incredible skills. If only you ac…
> I think, as op also insinuates, it is all about acceptance.
I second this. From my experience you have to START WITH ACCEPTING the status quo and honestly looking at it without judging or being ashamed. It helps me to tell myself: "This is not terrible. I am alive. I have a job. My body is still working OK."
From there FOCUS ON THE DELTA: What can I do today that will bring me into a slightly better position tomorrow.
Avoid thinking about the past ("I ate too much today.", "I did not exercise all week."). This is done. No way to change it.
Don't set high expectations. You only need to know where you want to be, and that you are going into the right direction. It does not matter much if you arrive there in one week or in five years.
Re: I built an app to fix my depression
#70Your depression couldn't have been that bad if you could create an app against it. Regular therapy would probably have been more effective and less dangerous for others.
You know when you bang your elbow ('funny bone'), it bloody hurts like hell for a second or two, then it's gone. But if you just get a little thorn in you, or a splinter of metal maybe, it niggles away at you. My depression - possibly what some would call malaise in the past - is the latter. Suicidal ideation, for example, doesn't stop you working completely.
I've just got over a couple weeks of a viral infection (not Covid19 according to tests) and just felt yesterday -- oh wow, I actually feel happy. I've been intellectually 'happy' (by which I mean that on analysis there's nothing for me to be especially down about; at least something to take joy in) many times in the last few years (my depressive period) but very rarely have I felt physically in that state.
It's one thing to be alive, another to feel alive.