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I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

nytimes.com

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Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#61

Post by milofeynman »

vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I've found a happy medium in checking it once every few weeks without deleting it.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#62

Post by hn_throwaway_99 »

fhennig wrote: post #34
vonseel wrote: post #22

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

Good counter-point. A social network is not inherently bad. It could be a simple extension of our analog life, a simple tool to stay in contact with friends an family or share things with people that we do not have regular interactions with in our day to day life. The problem is not the social media, but the way is has been instrumentalized to capture our attention, since this is the product being sold to advertisers…

Everything you say is true, but unfortunately a viable economic model for social networks that doesn't make use if the dopamine hook hasn't been discovered.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#63

Post by StavrosK »

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

I know this is a bit like saying "just stop having a problem!", but if you stop caring about the number of likes/upvotes/whatever, it's a much more relaxed experience, where you just read what informed, insightful people (and me) have to say. I imagine having to look at upvotes can make it a much more stressful experience.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#64

Post by biddit »

vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I quit completely for several months and came back to it because of your exact line of reasoning - keeping in touch with those at the outskirts of my social circles is valuable to me.

However, I'm on the edge of leaving again because moderation is very difficult.

The problem with social media is that using it in moderation is an uphill battle against our own nature. It is designed to be addictive. Much like an alcoholic that keeps a bottle of vodka in the freezer and the dieter who keeps chips in the cupboard, you will constantly have to exercise restraint to keep yourself in check.

If you've woken up to the downsides of social media, and are trying to moderate, is that struggle worth the upside? I'm not so sure any more.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#65

Post by foxhop »

fhbdukfrh wrote: post #49
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

Don't conflate the medium with the quality of interaction. Not on FB != hermit, that's just what Facebook wants you to believe. I prefer deep personal relationships with few over hyper connectivity. Others may want a broader, shallower network; neither is wrong just define happiness for yourself.

Thanks for this. It helps to hear it.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#66

Post by haolez »

In LinkedIn, I get the opposite feeling. It seems that a lot of people spend a considerable amount of energy pumping their profiles with lots of achievements, professional photos and blog posts, but it feels like everybody is talking to themselves. Nobody cares.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#67

Post by IanDrake »

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

How did you get 17,000 HN points?

Did look something like this: https://serendipitygreece.com/wp-content/uploads/comforting-...

To me, this is the problem with seeking validation through these systems. You are rewarded for saying pleasing things and for conforming to group think.

Why don't you spend down your points by playing devil's advocate? Then, when you run low on points, you can fill-up-the-tank by saying nice things that everyone wants to hear again.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#68

Post by foxhop »

alteria wrote: post #36
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

Yeah, it's definitely a mixed bag. In some ways, my mental health has improved since I'm not chasing online validation/FOMO all the time. My current friends don't use Facebook a ton, so organizing happens via text or other methods. But for my college/HS friends, I'm definitely less close because I'm not present in the online arenas that they socialize in. Hopefully I can get back into social media without partaking i…

I believe you can do it. Keep up the work. We need to relearn, and reteach people how to communicate without the big platforms distracting and moderating the focus.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#69

Post by mumblemumble »

I think that it's going to turn out that social media is like coffee: It's fine, even healthy, for some people, and harmful to others.

And I would think that's fine, except that I fall into the latter group, and social media has come to consume so much of the online world that it means that I can't avoid it without excluding myself from large swathes of public life.

I don't volunteer at my kids' school because coordination is done through Facebook. I don't stay in touch with people I meet at events because Facebook has thoroughly supplanted other modes of casual communication. I don't hear about events at some of my local community spaces because they only advertise them on Facebook. Etc.

So it's not entirely like coffee. It's like what it would be like if coffee were healthy for some, unhealthy for others, and quasi-mandatory for all.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#70

Post by croh »

have_faith wrote: post #11
mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

I'm going to downvote you, but only because it's what you would have wanted.

I want but I can't
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