Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

theatlantic.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 89 posts

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#61

Post by stanski »

pcmaffey wrote: post #40
jrace wrote: post #16

A question I have is...why marriage at all? Is there a reason I need the government to recognize the union between my and my SO?

I used to parrot about marriage - "license and registration are for cars." But, getting married (after 7yrs with SO) had 2 powerful effects: 1. The power of social contract as a signal to family, friends, society etc is huge. It's also really nice to celebrate with loved ones. There's not enough ceremony in our lives as it is... 2. The power of agreement with SO had an immensely positive impact on our relationship. W…

I had a similar experience though a lot more recently. My SO had to almost drag me through the altar - I didn't care much either way but didn't want to jump through the various hoops (especially the financial ones) to get it done.

I can't say it has affected our everyday life in any way but it is an experience that you end up sharing forever and becomes a part of your relationship.

That said I'm lucky that we both wanted a small ceremony. I may not have fared as well if we were dropping tens of thousands of dollars and spending months planning a wedding. That'd be a whole different animal.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#62

Post by jlarocco »

033803throwaway wrote: post #27

Marriage is a wonderful institution and the children that come from it are the greatest gift you can be given. Our culture tells us the opposite. But our culture is insane and wants you to be an isolated, rootless, consumer wage slave.

> ... and the children that come from it are the greatest gift you can be given.

LOL! You can keep 'em.

I'm happy it works for you, but it's not for everybody.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#63

Post by icebraining »

alfromspace wrote: post #10

The biggest factor in America's high divorce rates is, by far, the advent of no-fault divorce starting in the 70s. I think there's also something to the cultural tropes and propaganda we've seen since then portraying marriage as dull, monotonous, and oppressive while lifting up devoting one's life to an office job, travel, and 'exciting' flings as the path to self-fulfillment. When nothing could really be further fro…

According to Gallup[1], the vast majority of millennials expressed the desire to get married, so the propaganda/trope reasoning seems poorly supported to me.

[1] https://news.gallup.com/poll/163802/marriage-importance-drop...

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#64

Post by telesilla »

cheeseomlit wrote: post #44
telesilla wrote: post #3

It's been explained to me that in the United States you pay less taxes when you are married, thereby resulting in a higher marriage rate than otherwise. I'm surprised this hasn't been contested - doesn't it seem discriminatory to those who don't want to institutionalise their relationship? I don't know any other country that has this tax aspect. edit many seem to presume there are not alternatives to marriage: a de f…

Marriage should be encouraged and taxes are a good way to do that. Children born out of wedlock and/or raised by single parents are generally much more disadvantaged and less well-adjusted than their peers being raised by functional nuclear families

>Children born out of wedlock and/or raised by single parents

This statement is a bit old-fashioned I think? Most of my friends with children/long-term relationships never married because where I come from there is no benefit to do so, a legal status is offered in kind (de facto partnership). Marriage has become something quaint and mostly considered a waste of money when house prices etc are demanding down-payments instead. I see none of my friend's kids suffering because there is no marriage certificate in the house. This may vary by country, I'm sure.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#65

Post by jpollock »

jrace wrote: post #16

A question I have is...why marriage at all? Is there a reason I need the government to recognize the union between my and my SO?

Given the rules on common-law marriage that many jurisdictions have, no.

I am aware of one reason to get married. US Immigration does not recognize common law spouses as spouses for visa purposes. You want to travel to the US because your partner has gotten a job at Google? You must be married to have the relationship recognized.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#66

Post by cheeseomlit »

telesilla wrote: post #64
cheeseomlit wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Marriage should be encouraged and taxes are a good way to do that. Children born out of wedlock and/or raised by single parents are generally much more disadvantaged and less well-adjusted than their peers being raised by functional nuclear families

>Children born out of wedlock and/or raised by single parents This statement is a bit old-fashioned I think? Most of my friends with children/long-term relationships never married because where I come from there is no benefit to do so, a legal status is offered in kind (de facto partnership). Marriage has become something quaint and mostly considered a waste of money when house prices etc are demanding down-payments…

Of course, it's more about having parents with a stable relationship raising their kids together than it is having some certificate from the government. It's just one of those societal carrots/sticks that encourages those kinds of relationships

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#67

Post by dominotw »

oblongx wrote: post #54
_b8r0 wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Marriage at least comes with the promise of staying together in the long term. I'm not sure the divorce rate agrees that this constitutes a promise.

What is the separation rate of non-married couples?

thats a question for GP who made the original claim.

> Makes it a little harder for one partner to just leave.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#68

Post by francisofascii »

033803throwaway wrote: post #27

Marriage is a wonderful institution and the children that come from it are the greatest gift you can be given. Our culture tells us the opposite. But our culture is insane and wants you to be an isolated, rootless, consumer wage slave.

This message needs to be tempered a bit. Marriage can and often requires hard work, pain, struggle, and sacrifice. To say it is wonderful is wrong and will lead to disillusionment. Working through arguments, child issues, sex deprivation, affairs, moves, finances, etc. can be very rewarding and worth the struggle, but it is not wonderful all the time.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#69

Post by cliffy »

dominotw wrote: post #67
oblongx wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is the separation rate of non-married couples?

thats a question for GP who made the original claim. > Makes it a little harder for one partner to just leave.

Marriage has legal consequences. Many of which don't exist for unmarried couples. Some of the legalities will make some people think twice before getting a divorce/leaving.

I think that is more than enough to support the claim of: 'a little harder to leave'.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#70

Post by dominotw »

cliffy wrote: post #69
dominotw wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

thats a question for GP who made the original claim. > Makes it a little harder for one partner to just leave.

Marriage has legal consequences. Many of which don't exist for unmarried couples. Some of the legalities will make some people think twice before getting a divorce/leaving. I think that is more than enough to support the claim of: 'a little harder to leave'.

sure. thats fair.
Post reply on HN