61–70 of 120 posts
Also, things like Ultimate Frisbee are free -/ we play every morning in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park; when I was in Palo Alto / SF we played a few days a week; and I even built a league / scene from scratch in my hometown of Erie, PA 20 years ago.
In a city like NYC, the only people you really see regularly are the people you live with, the people you work with, and the people you sleep with. Finding good roommates is definitely one way to solve the problem, but if you’re not knee deep in a community with a strong sense of values and culture (like EA), finding matches can be challenging. Also, as someone who has been in and around this space, several of the co…
Another comment in this thread expressed the opposite sentiment, that you really want to live with people who are different than you: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20848428
You can't both be right :)
Something that goes unquestioned in this article is that you want to live with people who are like you down to the same taste in video games. I find this not to be true for me, and that I find it easiest to live with people that are different enough that you end up needing to use kindness to relate to each other. After having felt isolated in my previous living situations, I'm now in a complex where we all hang out i…
What you’ve written up sounds like a sanctimonious appeal to make yourself sound more “blue collar” especially by choosing to describe diversity in your apartment building based essentially solely on occupation status and implicitly contrasting engineers with “needing to use kindness to relate to each other” (something all my engineer coworkers seem to be exceptionally good at, for instance).
I’d be willing to wager highly that if you are having trouble socializing with engineering peers, you are probably the reason for the trouble. If you can’t find exceptionally wide diversity in a very generic field like software engineering, it suggests you’re not trying very hard.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd like to suggest that they are making it worse. We used to play games together on the couch, but now we can be alone in our houses watching strangers instead. Social media in general is making us all more lonely while tricking us into thinking we are interacting with others.
what's the last non-fighting game that even had couch co op? >Social media in general is making us all more lonely while tricking us into thinking we are interacting with others. it really feels like maybe we were too successful in solving boredom. why would anyone strike up a conversation at the bus stop anymore when they have instant access to their ingroup and their preferred dopamine drip? the age old wisdom of '…
Something that goes unquestioned in this article is that you want to live with people who are like you down to the same taste in video games. I find this not to be true for me, and that I find it easiest to live with people that are different enough that you end up needing to use kindness to relate to each other. After having felt isolated in my previous living situations, I'm now in a complex where we all hang out i…
Sounds like you have something rare and valuable.
Anyway, you make good points. From the point of view of society's health, it's good to create connections between people of different points of view, and this project could end up being harmful if it cloisters likeminded folks together. I would guess that many of the properties listed (such as being a musician or enjoying hiking) cut across fairly wide swaths of society, however.
Something that goes unquestioned in this article is that you want to live with people who are like you down to the same taste in video games. I find this not to be true for me, and that I find it easiest to live with people that are different enough that you end up needing to use kindness to relate to each other. After having felt isolated in my previous living situations, I'm now in a complex where we all hang out i…
Indeed, the situation you describe illustrates a lot of things this post misses. That friends and acquaintances are the cure for loneliness, not roommates (back in the forgotten days when people had friends and could easily rent apartments, "never choose friends for roommates" was a common saying - you spend too much time around roommates and have too many petty disagreements with them). That extra time and seemingly random spaces are best places to "hang out", meet people, and enjoy their presence. That different and contrasting interests can sometimes bring people together.
The problem is that the rich complex of relationships involved in friendship tempts the entrepreneurial minded to exploit that richness and destroy those relationships through monetization. And indeed, the last fifty or hundred and fifty years of history is that. So there's really nothing left (at least for the monetizers) and the opportunities for roommate monetization are absurd fantasies of trying to light ashes on fire again ... and so-forth.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't think the article is saying that everyone must match to that level of specifiety, or that your preferences must match your own characteristics. I'm sure some people would try to find people just like them, but you could just list your "must haves", or even exclude people like you. A good example is OKC (the dating site), which asks you a bunch of questions, and then lets you choose one or more "acceptable" an…
You don't know what you don't know. Those questions merely isolate you in a bubble. They prevent you from discovering the uncomfortable different which might actually be exactly what you need.
It’s easiest demonstrated at large events or parties: there might be 200 people you could meet, and you have 3 hours there. If you weren’t discerning, you’ll spend 80% of your time just with whoever happened to be loudest and you’ll not meet lots of the more compatible people there. In reality, you can make snap decisions about whether a relationship is worth pursuing with > 50% chance. “This person is whining about how awful their spouse is”: probably not someone you’ll be able to mutually respect. “This person refuses to make eye contact with me”: probably not someone you’ll have any real intimacy with. And so on. These might be wrong 20% of the time you apply them, but even so you’ve boosted your chance of meeting someone compatible at this 3 hour party. These aren’t questions like “I like to play Super Mario Bros”, these are trying to gauge real deep-seated, fundamental personality traits like “I’m driven by a curiosity of the world around me”, or “I tend to the people in my life”. These are things that really do matter in relationships. I know I want my friends or spouse to tend to the people in their life. I know that without curious people around me I lose my motivation. Take that 0.001% of the world you’ll ever meet and be more discerning about which 0.001% that is. There’s nothing wrong with being selective about who you let into your life.
Adult fraternities. More commonly known as secret societies or just clubs. Theres already a few of them, but I believe it's pretty uncommon to be in one. Make em so they can choose who to accept as well, something at least slightly exclusive is better for everyone in the end. It can really take any form, a clubhouse, house where some people live and others just come to hang out, etc. But what's really important is a…
Adult fraternities. More commonly known as secret societies or just clubs. Theres already a few of them, but I believe it's pretty uncommon to be in one. Make em so they can choose who to accept as well, something at least slightly exclusive is better for everyone in the end. It can really take any form, a clubhouse, house where some people live and others just come to hang out, etc. But what's really important is a…