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Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

nytimes.com

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Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#61

Post by aklemm »

fsfsdff56sdf wrote: post #33

"Most of us don’t miss the male gaze. It came with catcalls, harassment and unwanted attention. Instead, we feel free from the tyranny of worrying about our looks. For the first time since we were 10, we can feel relaxed about our appearance." I call bullshit. People spend Billions to become more attractive, and rarely anything to become less attractive. If these women would have suffered so much from the "male gaze"…

Maybe, but then they lose the terrible game and all status that comes with playing along. The point is the game is the tyranny.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#62

Post by code_duck »

Volundr wrote: post #56
Uhhrrr wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then they'd get out-reproduced by the occasional mutant, until the current state of affairs would reappear.

Would they though? I'm sure everyone has met someone at some point who has come on far too strong (or observed it) and it can be quite a turnoff. That "high intensity" mutant could have a very hard time finding partners.

Right, if everyone is relaxed, it’s not clear that someone who is high intensity has an advantage in personal interaction.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#63

Post by code_duck »

toasterlovin wrote: post #57
ulber wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you are probably approximately correct (although a relaxed outlook might lead to helping your grandchildren thrive, thus passing on your genes). However, your comment could be actionable in a number of ways, for example: 1. "You should embrace the intensity to make sure you reproduce." 2. "You should understand the source of that intensity as something that might oppose your goal of happiness." 3. "You should…

FWIW, I've found that viewing bringing children into this world as a kind of higher calling has done a pretty good job of counteracting the daily stresses of raising children.

Based on countless examples in history, the same thing seems to be true for basically anything… Murder, rape, genocide, withstanding or inflicting abuse or torture are all much easier for people to bear mentally if they believe it is part of a greater goal.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#64

Post by cco »

ulber wrote: post #55
cco wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gazing at caterpillars on a garden path does not generally lead to passing along your genes. Impatience and a craving for intensity does often lead to passing along your genes, I think the calculus is pretty straight forward.

I think you are probably approximately correct (although a relaxed outlook might lead to helping your grandchildren thrive, thus passing on your genes). However, your comment could be actionable in a number of ways, for example: 1. "You should embrace the intensity to make sure you reproduce." 2. "You should understand the source of that intensity as something that might oppose your goal of happiness." 3. "You should…

I'm partial to number 2 as well, though I would add that having children is widely reported to increase "happiness" or "fulfillment" with the caveat that those concepts and self-report are very wishy/washy.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#65

Post by cco »

code_duck wrote: post #62
Volundr wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Would they though? I'm sure everyone has met someone at some point who has come on far too strong (or observed it) and it can be quite a turnoff. That "high intensity" mutant could have a very hard time finding partners.

Right, if everyone is relaxed, it’s not clear that someone who is high intensity has an advantage in personal interaction.

It depends on how you define "relaxed", if you mean low CNS arousal as a base state but can easily move into a highly aroused state when needed then maybe.

But if you mean low CNS arousal generally then I completely disagree, someone that pushes to 100% will out compete you if you never breach 50% assuming equal ability. If you and I both have the same capacity for strength but you are an intense person and I am not you will be the stronger one in the short and long term. Same goes for the intelligence question as well.

However modern society short circuits part this general behavior though and all bets are off though I still think it holds true. It is often not the best political or business idea that wins, it is the one someone is willing to push through. Human relationships are similar, an activation energy must be reached in order for mating to happen and someone with a higher intensity is more likely to reach that activation energy more often.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#66

Post by zeta0134 »

cco wrote: post #32
agumonkey wrote: post #27

> There is an amazing calculus in old age. As much is taken away, we find more to love and appreciate. We experience bliss on a regular basis. As one friend said: “When I was young I needed sexual ecstasy or a hike to the top of a mountain to experience bliss. Now I can feel it when I look at a caterpillar on my garden path.” This makes me wonder how much teenage/adulthood is a layer of stress onto our brains. A very…

Gazing at caterpillars on a garden path does not generally lead to passing along your genes. Impatience and a craving for intensity does often lead to passing along your genes, I think the calculus is pretty straight forward.

On the flip side, elderly folks who slow down and take care of their families, and give them advice on slowing down and appreciating their surroundings once in a while? They probably help to ensure their children pass on their genes. So maybe the effect is still beneficial from an evolutionary standpoint.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#67

Post by [deleted] »

fsfsdff56sdf wrote: post #33

"Most of us don’t miss the male gaze. It came with catcalls, harassment and unwanted attention. Instead, we feel free from the tyranny of worrying about our looks. For the first time since we were 10, we can feel relaxed about our appearance." I call bullshit. People spend Billions to become more attractive, and rarely anything to become less attractive. If these women would have suffered so much from the "male gaze"…

[deleted]

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#68

Post by code_duck »

cco wrote: post #65
code_duck wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right, if everyone is relaxed, it’s not clear that someone who is high intensity has an advantage in personal interaction.

It depends on how you define "relaxed", if you mean low CNS arousal as a base state but can easily move into a highly aroused state when needed then maybe. But if you mean low CNS arousal generally then I completely disagree, someone that pushes to 100% will out compete you if you never breach 50% assuming equal ability. If you and I both have the same capacity for strength but you are an intense person and I am not…

I don’t understand - do you mean basic alertness or persistence?

I think the concept was that someone overly driven might overshoot the ‘activation energy’. However, this conversation has grown insane in the mixture of vagueness and specificity.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#69

Post by humanrebar »

CoolGuySteve wrote: post #11
fizwhiz wrote: post #6

> We all suffer, but not all of us grow. Those of us who grow do so by developing our moral imaginations and expanding our carrying capacities for pain and bliss. In fact, this pendulum between joy and despair is what makes old age catalytic for spiritual and emotional growth. Never thought of it this way. An extremely humbling, optimistic and heart-warming read.

Reminds me of what Bob Ross said on his show after his wife died: > Gotta have opposites, light and dark and dark and light, in painting. It’s like in life. Gotta have a little sadness once in awhile so you know when the good times come. I'm waiting on the good times now. I'm not a Christian, but between Bob Ross and Fred Rogers, PBS really exhibited the best face of Christianity as a life philosophy.

Symbolically there isn't much in Christian theology describing dark as good when it accents light. That's perhaps more Taoist imagery.

But there is embrace of "negative" emotions like sorrow in passages like Ecclesiastes 3, John 11, and Romans 12.

Re: Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70s

#70

Post by toasterlovin »

code_duck wrote: post #63
toasterlovin wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW, I've found that viewing bringing children into this world as a kind of higher calling has done a pretty good job of counteracting the daily stresses of raising children.

Based on countless examples in history, the same thing seems to be true for basically anything… Murder, rape, genocide, withstanding or inflicting abuse or torture are all much easier for people to bear mentally if they believe it is part of a greater goal.

There’s a pretty big difference between justifying something you want to do and making yourself feel better about something that you don’t want to do.
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