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Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

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61–70 of 344 posts

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#61
Honestly, I've never had problems talking to random strangers. Some of my best friends were random strangers at first.

IMO, the problem has nothing to do with the internet. Instead, the problem has more to do with poorly controlling marketing and homelessness. Political correctness also takes a toll.

When I lived in the Bay Area, most of the time I was randomly approached, "on the street," it was from a homeless person. Thus, I was less likely to be friendly to someone when I was in areas with high amounts of homeless people. If the Bay Area took care of the homeless situation better, there would be less people approaching me, and then it would be easier to interact with strangers.

But then, what about being in stores, malls, ect? I then need to put up defenses against aggressive marketing. That also makes it hard to be friendly. If we considered unsolicited marketing as insulting, we wouldn't need to keep our defenses up in places of commerce.

Even political correctness takes a toll. If I start talking with someone who has a different opinion than me, or is a difference race than me, faux pas get blown out of proportion. No one wants to make friends with someone who's going to scream at them for being a bigot because they lean a little right, or be labeled a libtard because they lean a little left.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#62
My startup is trying to solve this problem for older adults. Seniors often feel disconnected and isolated as their social structures change. Ayuda is an service for finding senior-friendly events. We bring artists, educators, musicians and more to an audience they may not have considered before. Events are curated to be social and accessible for older people, not your typical concert in a loud bar.

Check us out on www.ayudacare.com if you are interested in what we're about.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#63

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

> There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them. I have found meetup.com to be exactly this. Not everybody at a meetup will click personally, but they're much more likely to share interests. One meetup group has completely changed my life, and I have met people I consider some of the best people I have ever encountered anywhere. And they all live right near me.

I met my wife at a meetup, as well as some of my closest friends. Definitely recommend it if you're feeling lonely.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#64

Theory: human relationships can be hard, very hard, and any technology that confuses one into thinking he can enjoy his time without the 'burden' of human interactions is pushing this issue deeper.

I think of this theory like how lead poisoning works, where the lead can pass through the blood–brain barrier and substitute in (poorly) for calcium, causing all sorts of toxicity effects. Or how drinking sea water can fool your throat for a second into thinking you've taken care of your thirst. Online social interactions are plentiful and easy and often don't as quickly or sharply trigger social anxiety. But they ar…

at least lead has no intent, but western culture (and now even more than western) is all about making things easier and easier. That's the only metric. It's turning us into sick vegetables. And we pay for it.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#65
post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.

Consider that you’re depriving yourself of possible friendships because of other people’s unreasonable judgements about you without having any context. As long as your partner is aware and okay with it, ignore what others think.

There's a certain irony that you're suggesting I disregard the opinions of strangers in order to go out and make friends with some strangers.

Until the OP mentioned it, I had no idea that Bumble had a friend finding feature. It's a dating app, its advertising shows dating as its function. So I can't say I'd blame anyone that did judge me unreasonably, to be honest. It's not necessarily that fair, but we don't get to make our own rules of social interaction.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#66

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

If you have hobbies, look for a meetup around them.

If you have pretty generic interests (wine, board games, and cheesecake), perhaps the best thing you can do is join a unitarian universalist church near you. It's all of the social benefits of church without the need to (pretend to) believe in anything specific.

Failing that, you can probably find another reasonable-ish religious community. There's a huge spectrum, and plenty of people do it casually just for the social aspect.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#67
post #29
post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try Bumble's BFF feature

IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.

If you're avoiding a friend-finding app just because of what other people think, that's really sad. Do you go about everything in your life with that mindset? What does being married matter? If your wife wouldn't approve, then that speaks volumes about the quality of your relationship (i.e., you have no trust between you).

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#68
post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Consider that you’re depriving yourself of possible friendships because of other people’s unreasonable judgements about you without having any context. As long as your partner is aware and okay with it, ignore what others think.

There's a certain irony that you're suggesting I disregard the opinions of strangers in order to go out and make friends with some strangers. Until the OP mentioned it, I had no idea that Bumble had a friend finding feature. It's a dating app, its advertising shows dating as its function. So I can't say I'd blame anyone that did judge me unreasonably, to be honest. It's not necessarily that fair , but we don't get to…

The irony is not lost on me. Every stranger is a possible friend. Disregard the ones who prejudge you unnecessarily.

Life is too short to give too many f*ucks when you’re purposely optimizing for happiness while minimizing suffering you cause. Be happy, life is fleeting.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#69
post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.

Consider that you’re depriving yourself of possible friendships because of other people’s unreasonable judgements about you without having any context. As long as your partner is aware and okay with it, ignore what others think.

unfortunately what others think about you can materially affect your life.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#70

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I do think people tend to engage with strangers a lot less often than they had "back then," but I cannot agree modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction at all. You can see people interacting with strangers on college campuses, at music events, and at grocery stores all the time.

But, still, it seems to be a big enough difference that I could see it easily engendering a lot more loneliness.

Even 10 or 15 years ago - at the time I had a job that was 100% travel time, and found I could generally bootstrap a decent social life in a new town by just going to the nearest cafe and striking up conversations with neighbors.

Nowadays, though, most people are engrossed in some piece of electronics or other, and seem more inclined to regard attempts at socialization as an interruption.

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